In the song "Listen to the Sea", there is such a lyric: "Obviously moved, but not close." ”
Indeed, sometimes we treat feelings like this lyric, obviously liking someone, but dare not get close. As someone once said, "Afraid he knows, afraid that he doesn't know, afraid that he pretends not to know." ”
So have you ever wondered why the more you like someone, the more you dare not get close? Have you ever had this experience?
Some people will say that it is because they are not loving enough, some people will say that they are not good enough, and some people will say that they are afraid of rejection. In fact, these reasons are all superficial phenomena.
What really causes this is your inner fear. There is an explanation for this situation in psychology called "avoidant attachment personality".
People with this kind of personality, when dealing with feelings, have a relatively low degree of self-worth recognition, because they have such feelings, they will behave particularly insecure.
Because my own sense of security is not strong, it leads to a presupposition about the relationship that may begin next, thinking that the relationship will not last long, or that the other party does not love me, which is a disturbing feeling. So it will refuse to start.
Although in his heart he likes the other party, he will be afraid to approach. Therefore, I have obviously liked you for a long time, but I dare not go near you, to bury my emotions.
But for your liking, I am not less than anyone, but I do not have the courage to take the initiative to approach, or I once wanted to get closer, but the attitude given by the other party, like I disturbed you, so I did not dare to approach.
Yes, the avoidant attachment personality does also long to be loved, but also longs for love, but when approaching love, because of its own sense of security, it will often unconsciously push love away.
It is as if in the novel "Norwegian Forest" Midoriko once said this to Watanabe:
"You've been shutting yourself in your own world, and although I knocked on the door and called Watanabe, you just raised your eyes and went back to your own world."
Thinking about it carefully, it is indeed like this, most of the time, we meet a person we like, do not dare to go close, from the root, that is, they have no confidence in this relationship, or their own sense of security is not enough, feel that they are not worthy in this relationship.
But in fact, feelings can only know what the result is after trying. After all, nothing in this world is perfect, and nothing is achieved overnight.
Whether it is love or marriage, the first thing we have to do is to have confidence in this relationship. If a relationship hasn't started yet, you've already presupposed an ending for the relationship. Then no matter how many people you meet, the final result is the same, that is, there is no result.
Maybe you took the initiative at the beginning, but in the end you were hurt in this relationship, so when you contact a new relationship, you will be afraid to repeat the same mistakes.
But one thing to know is that all relationships in this world need to be actively done, so when we encounter this situation, what we should do is to break this thinking.
Don't choose to give up a relationship because you feel inferior or don't feel safe enough. Know that there are no perfect things in this world, and there are no perfect people. We have to accept the imperfections of ourselves and others.
Of course, the more you like a person, the more worries in your heart, afraid that the other party will not like you, afraid that there will be no results together. But you have to know that these are all things you imagine, and they are not really happening.
As we often say, "Love must be spoken out loud." "Don't think too much, what we have to do is to think more and have practical actions, rather than always making excuses for ourselves." We have to learn to accept ourselves, and we deserve to be loved.
After all, some people miss it and there is no chance, so when you meet a person you like, don't miss it because you are afraid, know that not all feelings in this world can wait. Waiting until the end is a regret.
Therefore, if you like someone, you can like it well and say what you want to say. The worst-case scenario is simply rejection. But what if the other person likes you too. Then love is not coming. So, remember that the more you like it, the more you have to be proactive.
Wen | Ming floating life
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