01
What happened to children who have been deprived of love since childhood?
"What is your birthday wish?"
" I hope, crossing over to the day I was born, killing myself." ”
On her birthday, Xiaoyu, a 26-year-old girl, recorded words to her mother in front of the camera, telling about the pain that no one had seen for 26 years.
Since childhood, the "home" of her life looks harmonious on the outside, but in fact, only she knows that there is no warmth and love in this home, only the reprimand and endless control of her mother:
When she went to school, every friend around her was a "spy" bribed by her mother, monitoring her every move and reporting.
Often because of a small matter, her mother will scold her, and every time she faces her mother, she is trembling.
When she grows up, Xiaoyu must also be the first to answer the phone calls from her mother at any time, otherwise the people she knows will be constantly disturbed.
It was hard to meet the boy he liked, and he was forcibly separated by his mother, on the grounds that "he is not worthy of you".
Mom always said to Xiaoyu: There is only one person in the world who loves you, and that is me.
However, Xiaoyu recalled her 26 years with her mother, only her mother's cold face, anger, her own fear and stiff air.
Xiaoyu's life as an adult is a mess, with no friends, no love, long-term depression, and her biggest birthday wish is to kill herself.
Some people say that there are no parents who do not love their children. Why, in the eyes of outsiders, the relationship between motherly and filial piety will force the daughter to a dead end?
02
How to make up for the missing love,
Brave to embrace happiness?
Many parents always mistake "hurt" for "love."
Control, suppression, cynicism... They "love" you in a way that thinks they are "good for you", but they do not know that children who are wrapped in this "love" are the most lacking in love.
What's even more frightening is that the impact of lack of love is not only in childhood, but even accompanies you for life.
Zhihu has a question with more than 3000w views: How are those children who lack love grow up?
One of the high-ranking respondents shared his story:
When in love, she always dare not accept the kindness of the other party, and sometimes, a little more enthusiasm will become a burden.
When her boyfriend didn't have time to accompany her, she was very disappointed and felt that the other party didn't care about her. But when he could always be with her, she felt uncomfortable and at a loss.
Every time her boyfriend gave her a gift, she would return a gift of similar price, as if using etiquette to maintain her relationship.
Sometimes, the other party's unintentional words and eyes, an unconscious action, can make her depressed for a long time.
She was careful to isolate herself in a glass room, unable to fully surrender her heart and trust to others.
I fell in love 3 times before and after, and finally ended up breaking up.
Like Xiao Yu, her parents' discipline of her early years was almost a power politics, and if she didn't do well, she would beat her and scold her, and if she did something wrong, she would be sneered at by her parents. She endured all kinds of reprimands and scolding, and even corporal punishment education...
"I'm for your own good," they told their daughter. However, the daughter did not "get better", but gradually "collapsed":
She has not been well loved, and she has lost the ability to love people.
Lin Haiyin, a famous essayist in Taiwan, once said: "Everyone's physical childhood will eventually disappear, but the childhood of the soul will always accompany it for life." ”
People are always easy to regard beauty, natural resources, as a good card for women, in fact, it is not, childhood enough love, enough sense of security, is a woman's life the biggest card.
If you are also a child who lacks love and does not know how to love:
Obviously touched, but doubting whether his kindness to himself is sincere;
Lack of security, want to use "doing" to confirm love, but push people away;
Self-demanding, feeling that if you can't do the best, you don't deserve love...
Tell yourself that once you didn't get enough love, it wasn't that you weren't good enough, it was just that you weren't lucky enough.
Now that you're older, you can learn how to love yourself. Only by learning to heal yourself can you become a person who can truly embrace happiness.
In order to help you explore yourself, find the wound of lack of love, make up for the hole, and learn to love yourself, 8 psychologists of One Psychology jointly developed the "Lack of Love Personality Test", which will:
Through a comprehensive assessment of 8 dimensions such as inferiority and self-esteem, paranoia, and emotional exhaustion, you will judge your lack of love personality type and the impact on all aspects of life
Analyze the underlying reasons behind it to help you tap into and face your true self, gain the power to heal, and grow better to cope with the future
-Lack of Love Personality Self-Help Test-
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Test questions: 41 questions 丨 Number of report pages: 10 pages
After the test is complete, the generated report is saved permanently
-What you will get-
"Part of the following presentation report"
1. Your lack of love personality type
2. The impact of lack of loving personality on you
3. Dig out the reasons for your lack of love
4. Psychological advice teaches you how to help yourself