Author: Warm-blooded animal (ID: staywarmblood)
Since I was a child, I have been a person who is particularly easy to "let go".
When it's time for the talent show at the family gathering, I will only perform one trick "dry eyes".
No matter how much the elders coerce and induce, such as "If you don't perform again, I will not be happy." "You can sing two sentences at will, and I'll take you to buy good food in a moment." ”
None of them are good.
I would just stand with a red face and keep picking at my fingernails.
Some people really can't stand it anymore, so they will stand up and say, "Don't embarrass the child, let her play", I can be relieved.
In middle school, every time I was assigned to a new class, the students around me could quickly mingle with the front and back left and right tables, and I usually pretended to calmly look through the new textbooks in my hand and pretended to be very good at learning.
At that time, a boy in the crush class, as soon as I made eye contact with each other, I would immediately cool my face.
So much so that on graduation day, the boy finally plucked up the courage to ask me if I had misunderstood him.
For this reason, the most recommended advice that people around me have said to me is "you have to let go" and "try to open yourself" and so on.
In fact, such advice is as useless to me as a parent pointing to a 50-point test paper and saying "work hard."
Because to this day, at the age of 24, it is still difficult for me to freely reveal my true self to others.
This means that sometimes, some real needs are difficult for others to know.
For a while, my boyfriend often worked overtime until very late, and I was dealing with it alone.
Once, after cooking the noodles and preparing to eat them, I suddenly felt that the surrounding area was empty and particularly desolate, so I took a photo of the noodles and sent it to my boyfriend.
In fact, I want to express "We haven't eaten together in a long time, can you leave work early tomorrow?" ”
But actually I didn't say anything.
After a while, the boyfriend replied: "It looks delicious, I can only eat instant noodles." ”
Seeing that my boyfriend's situation seemed to be worse than my own, I quickly replied, "It doesn't just look delicious." ”
As a result, the need to express the need to let her boyfriend accompany him to dinner suddenly became a show off of his cooking skills.
Of course, I don't really want to show off, but I am afraid that my needs will not be realized.
After a long time of covering up, there will always be a feeling of indifference in many things.
It is also common to get evaluations like this:
Emotionally stable, reliable, and secure.
While these all sound good words, I'm especially aware that while conveying these impressions to others, I've lost a lot of opportunities to express "need."
Because once people accept the setting given to them by others, they will form a clear definition of what they will do and the sense of contradiction with this setting.
But in fact, people who know how to show weakness at the right time are often more likely to be cherished.
Like that night, my conversation with my boyfriend ended with my showing off of my cooking skills.
The next day he was still working late and didn't detect my emotions from start to finish.
And my friend Simi is very different from me.
She likes to be spoiled, even if there are some things that she can obviously do, but she especially hopes that others can participate in it and help her share a little.
At first I understood it simply as love to trouble others, but later I understood:
It turns out that in any relationship, everyone wants to experience their own value by being needed.
And those who are not good at revealing themselves are like shells that like to shrink themselves in a shell.
As soon as he heard a little movement, he would immediately retract the protruding body.
Until I saw a sentence like this:
"The shell refuses to open easily because it is too soft inside and too afraid of injury."
I realized that human beings who are not good at revealing themselves are not the same.
On the surface, it looks hard and indifferent, but it often has a particularly soft heart.
I especially like the role of the second daughter Jiaqian in "Eating Men and Women", she looks independent, capable and responsible, but she is also the most distressing one.
In the beginning, she especially wanted to escape from the place where she grew up and quarrel with her father without saying a word.
It wasn't until I saw her red eyes and remember how good her father had been to her when she was a child, that I understood:
She just never easily shows others the softness of her heart.
It turned out that when she was a child, the father who took her to the kitchen every day did not know when it began, becoming more and more harsh and indifferent, and the gap between father and daughter was getting bigger and bigger.
She had no choice but to hide her vision of home and her love for her father under her hard exterior, and confront him with the same indifference and stubbornness.
Fortunately, when she saw her elderly father appear in the hospital, she finally began to slowly remove the strong shell.
She was the first to argue about leaving the house and the last to stay in the old house.
Although the shell is mostly tightly closed and refuses to open.
But as soon as they are put in warm water and feel the comfortable temperature, they will slowly stick their heads out.
I think the same is probably true of human beings.
Sometimes it may only take a little more patience and temperature for them to open themselves up.
- END -
*Article Source: Warm-Blooded Animal (ID: staywarmblood).
About One Lesson
One Lesson is a content knowledge platform focusing on college groups, is currently the domestic focus on college students content knowledge production team, here gathered a group of young people who love to toss, carefully create dry goods, skills of the course production, pay attention to us, and you learn and grow together. The star "One Lesson", we do not see or disperse.