01
A family consisting of a top beam column and countless small pillars. What affects the position of these small pillars is still the top beam column.
And the pillar of the family is our parents.
From a sociological point of view, since the founders of the family are the parents, they have one hundred percent control over the family. And future generations will basically not rebel against their parents' intentions.
This situation seems to be very good, but in fact, there is still a certain crisis hidden.
When the parents are there, the family is calm and quiet, and the children and grandchildren are particularly harmonious. But what no one knows is that this is just an illusion.
You know, after the parents leave, I believe that this so-called calm wind and waves will be broken, and the so-called harmony of children and grandchildren has become history. All the strife and contradictions have only just begun.
Why is there such a big difference between when parents are there and when parents are away? In fact, it can be summed up in one sentence, when the family loses its original creator, it is believed that the family is scattered.
For children, the parents left, forcing themselves to leave these burdens and have less contact with their brothers and sisters.
02
Leave behind the burden of "interests".
Why do siblings fight after their parents have left? I think the key reason lies in the four words "financial benefits".
You think the legacy belongs to himself, and he feels that the legacy belongs to him. As a result, you two will argue, fight each other, and even go to court.
I am reminded of the saying: "In the face of interests, all feelings are false." ”
Many people don't understand that brothers and sisters can live in harmony, can't they? Why do you have to do so many things?
Harmony is ultimately impossible. Because everyone has their own interests and demands, everyone has their own desires to pursue. At this time, it is good not to argue, and why talk about harmonious coexistence?
Because we are in line with the interests of our parents, our parents will support us in what we do, so we can feel the goodness of our parents and the harmony of our relatives. Siblings are not like that at all.
Therefore, it is enough to throw away the burden of interests in time, only to take back what belongs to you, and not to argue or be greedy.
03
We must leave behind the burden of "intimate interaction".
Most people have the idea that when our parents are still alive, we interact with our brothers and sisters a lot. Nowadays, although my parents have gone, it is better to be intimate with our brothers and sisters.
From an idealized point of view, maintaining a close relationship between brothers and sisters helps to maintain the blood of kinship.
But reality is not idealized, but particularly harsh. The more we interact with our brothers and sisters, the more we want to have intimate feelings, but the more difficult it is to get what we want.
To put it mildly, it is possible that we will turn against it and the two sides will not interact with each other.
In fact, we don't have to do this. You know, when it is time to come and go, when it is not time to come, it is enough to keep a distance, so why force too much?
Brothers and sisters who really want you to have a good life, even if you don't say anything, he will understand your difficulties. And brothers and sisters who don't want you to live well, even if you give your heart, then you may not be able to gain anything.
Being a person, or it is better to be realistic, maintain a relationship as light as water, then you can.
04
We must leave behind the burden of "blind giving".
Someone once said that what pushes you into the abyss is ultimately the wishful thinking of yourself.
Why would people push themselves into the abyss? I think there is such a reason, only with a heart of blood, too emotional to deal with people, in the end will only be self-inflicted.
For example, you always lend your brother and sister some money and promise him to pay it back if he has money. How will your siblings react at this time?
He will definitely feel that it is all the money borrowed by his relatives anyway, and it is not spent in vain. Slowly, he will gain inches, not only borrow more money, but even drag on not paying back, making you particularly uncomfortable.
In the face of such a situation, in fact, you have no choice. Urge them to pay them back, they are absolutely not happy. Without urging them to pay back, they are particularly arrogant and will not be grateful. Leave you in a dilemma.
If we want to avoid these things from happening, then we have to guard against them.
After the parents leave, do less blind giving, wishful thinking stupid things. Only by being a little affectionate in your heart can you save yourself.
05
To leave behind the burden of "stereotype".
Since ancient times, we have all had such a habit - we can't turn face to our brothers and sisters, otherwise we don't value family affection.
Is it a good thing or a bad thing to attach too much importance to family affection?
Just like filial piety to parents, if the advice of parents is good, then we must follow it, this is filial piety. And if the parents' opinion is bad, then we have to oppose it. Man, do not be foolish.
In front of our parents, since we must not be foolish, in the same way, in front of our brothers and sisters, we do not need to "lick" others, to "please" others.
The so-called "convergence is gathering, and if it is not together, it is scattered" is this truth.
You and I agree, then we are together. If you and I disagree, then let's keep our distance. I give you a freedom, and you give me back a freedom. The two sides are well with each other, and the jianghu will see each other goodbye. That's all.
Wen/Shushan has deer