01
The word "change" increases internal friction
When you see the cattle people and realize that you should improve the change, what is the mood?
First of all, I must be shocked by others, and then I look at myself and make a decision - how to do it, I want to change myself!
As a result, after a few days of chicken blood, I still died. In this way, over and over again, change seems to be far away.
Is it really willpower that doesn't work?
I don't think so. The deeper reason is that changing these two words is intriguing.
There is a saying that "emotions occupy the brain, and there is no IQ free.".
Recall that one thing is not as desired, you are provoked, emotions come, full of impulses, sitting is not standing, there is no time for him to take care of him. What can you do that reflects iq? It's a momentary emotional hijacking, and a long-term one. If a person's heart is twisted for a long time and is tormented by a deep feeling, even if there is more willpower, it is difficult to control his normal life, study, and work.
This is being occupied by emotions, not being able to free up IQ - change, hard work is very mentally draining, occupying mental resources.
You savor.
02
Think differently
Whether we force ourselves or drive our children to change, we stand against the little man inside and let it do this and that.
First of all, the inner villain feels denied - to change, it means that the previous self is not good, so depressed. Secondly it feels anxious – I used to be okay in the same place, and now I have to get out of my comfort zone and worry. Moreover, it has no sense of control - it is wrapped around it and moves forward, leaving itself to the waves of life, so helpless.
Under the scorching heat of depression, worry, helplessness and other states of mind, where is the bandwidth in the head to improve? Where are the resources to focus on self-discipline? Even if it is temporary, it cannot last long.
So, we might as well think differently and fight alongside the villain in mind – ask the villain what he wants.
The little man said, Oh, I want to score 100 points.
Well, let's think of a way.
It's like asking for change and pulling at the little man in your heart, and you're at each end of the rope, each at the wrong end. Turning around and going in the same direction as it does, helping it achieve its goals, is a different way of thinking.
This line of thought is not denied, not forced, but follows its will to help it come up with ideas. There is less internal friction, and a lot of creative ideas come.
For example, a chestnut, a weight loss coach taught me:
Always say I'm too fat, I hate that, I want to lose weight! It's hard to succeed.
Tell yourself, eat a Chinese salad with tomatoes, greens, and eggs tonight, and drink milk and eat whole wheat bread tomorrow morning. This makes it easier to succeed.
Because the former is in confrontation, and the latter is in the same direction. It seems that while using the language of love to dissolve the internal friction, I am also gently accepted.
03
summary
When people's hearts are no longer trembling, when people feel the safety of being accepted, the brain will be in an open state, saving more computing power, and moving forward towards the good.
It may be repeated and the progress may be slow, but only by thinking like this can we have a greater probability of success.
So remember: stand on your side, look in the direction you want to take yourself or your child, and come up with ideas.