As a first-time mom, I was the one who loved children the most in the world. Since I am called a mother, I must do it: try to overcome imperfections, and after hard work joy and happiness will surely follow. Remember how children learn to speak? To become proficient in a word, children must listen to it hundreds of times and practice using it in various situations.
It takes at least 20 years for a child to grow up independently from the protection of his parents and become an independent adult. By studying in college, it will take at least 2 to 4 years to become a real social person. If the mother does not learn, it is almost impossible to raise the child well. Mothers who insist on learning and constantly reflecting can know how to love their children correctly and raise them into talents.
1. Why does the child think that the mother is perfect?
Everyone has their own life principles, which determine people's values, thoughts and actions. For example, Christians use God's Word as the code of life, while Buddhists use the words of the Buddha as the code of life. The same goes for people who have no religious affiliation, because at least everyone follows the laws and orders of the society to which they belong.
So what is the child's life principle? In fact, the highest standard of life for children is the language and behavior of their mothers. The mother's language and behavior form the framework of the child's thinking, and also shape the shape of the child's mind: round, triangular or heart-shaped. Mothers shape different spiritual shapes for their children, and children have different life rules. For children, moms are more important than the law or the Bible. Mothers are like a compass, always pointing the way for children when they make life choices.
Taking others as one's own life code is based on complete trust and the child's trust in the mother is instinctive and unconditional. Let's look at some of the things that children have to say in life.
Liu Bin: My mother's cooking was delicious.
Shengyu: My mother buys me gifts every day.
Junrui: My mother said she bought me a dinosaur.
Sekhime: My mom said she just loved me.
Observing children's behavior, it is particularly evident that preschoolers under the age of 6 have complete trust in their mothers. For example, preschoolers will follow their mother to run a red light even if they know the "red light stop" rule, while to their friends who bully them, they will say"I'm going to tell my mom!" My mother is very strong." For children, the mother is the code of action that takes precedence over the law, and is a jack-of-all-trades that can solve all problems. This is precisely out of the child's complete trust in the mother.
In fact, every mother's strength is not big enough, and no mother can really buy live dinosaurs. But because the child has complete trust in the mother, the child has the illusion that the mother is omnipotent. Why is that? This is because children know that they are weak, and the weak need objects to lean on. So they believe that moms are perfect, and that belief shapes the imaginary perfect mom. The same is true for many children who are psychologically insecure or have a weak sense of self-reliance who grow up to be "nibbling on the old people". Because they want to rely on others, they assume their parents as perfect beings, regardless of their circumstances or abilities.
2, the mother is the child in the world most want to trust the person
Below I will illustrate the child's complete trust in the mother through some examples, which is worth our deep thinking.
Yu Cheng is a second-grade elementary school student who undergoes weekly play therapy. One day, Yu Cheng was late, and he walked into the consultation room with his mother in a huff.
Consultant: Angry?
Yu Cheng: (Did not speak, banging on the wall to express anger)
Mom: (Approaching the counselor and whispering) We had a traffic accident on the way here.
Yu Cheng: (with tears) Mom, why are you like this! It's all your fault!
This situation may seem incomprehensible, but from the child's point of view, it is completely plausible, because the child realizes that in reality the mother is not so perfect. The mother is the person she fully trusts and hopes to rely on all the time, but the child suddenly finds that the mother will be weak, will make mistakes, and make mistakes like herself. At this time, the child's trust in his mother was shocked, and he realized that there was no one to rely on anymore. In this way, it is not difficult to understand the child's inner uneasiness. The more insecure or young children are, the greater the disappointment they will have when their unconditional trust is undermined. Because the more insecure a child is, the easier it is to distort and sanctify the person they are trying to rely on. And when they realize mom's vulnerability, that trust translates into greater frustration and insecurity.
To give another example, children who are not very compatible with their peers or who are not emotionally stable will always say "I like my mother the most" and express their love for their mothers too much at every turn. But if they are disappointed in their mother at one moment, they will overly say "Mom is the most hated person in the world", which is the complete opposite of their usual performance. Even if it's just a small thing happening, they can feel very angry. A child exhibits two diametrically opposed attitudes towards his mother, also for the reasons mentioned above.
3) Don't belittle yourself in front of your children
Recently, we have seen some young moms lower their posture in order to respect their children. For example, when playing a game, my mother will say, "Mom doesn't know how to play, you teach me." "This mother is not doing a good job, you do it." For example, many mothers are office workers, working hard during the day, and when they come home tired at night, they often say to their children: "Mom is sorry for you." "In fact, if the mother does not abide by the agreement or does something wrong, it is natural to apologize to the child. But my mother is an office worker, just finishing her work and then going home. As a mom, I've gone to great lengths to take care of my kids, so there's no need to feel sorry at all. Similarly, children don't want to see a weak, always apologetic mom.
Do you also habitually say "I'm sorry" to your child many times a day? If so, the child may become upset and think that the mother is weak and unable to build trust. If the mother's life is careless, it will bring trauma to the child's heart, set a wrong example for the child, etc., which is where the mother really needs to feel sorry. There is no need for a mother to show respect for her child by demeaning herself. Mother is the norm in the child's heart, and it is only necessary to try to show the appearance of a happy life in every moment. In this way, the child will naturally trust and rely on the mother, take the mother's beautiful heart as the criterion, and grow up healthily.
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