On a sunny weekend, take my one-and-a-half-year-old son to play in the sand in a popular park.
We walked into the "sand field" full of children and sand tools with our bare hands, and a little boy next to us was very friendly, not only giving way to the excavator that his son wanted to reach for, but also taking the initiative to hand him the small shovel in his hand.
As soon as the shovel was held by his son, the grandfather crouched next to him immediately took the shovel from his son's hand and demonstrated how to shovel sand. The son looked at it, was silent, turned his head and went to get the small excavator again. Grandpa immediately put down the shovel, took the excavator (grab), and began to demonstrate how to dig up the sand. The mouth said: "Baby, you see, this way, you can dig up the sand, right?" ”
The son seemed uninterested and silently turned to look to the other side.
Is he not interested in shoveling sand and excavators? Soon he proved it with action: no!
He took my hand and walked inside, staring at a long shovel that he played with with with the consent of the others. I didn't give him any "guidance", only to see him play with the shovel a few times, then he went to shovel the sand, and also took the initiative to send the sand shoveled into the small bucket next to him, over and over again, until the bucket was filled with sand! In this process, he himself became happier and happier, and his mouth began to gnaw.
I was very touched by my son's attitude before and after, why did the front seem to be interested in shoveling sand, turn around and have fun?
The core reason is "don't care". It is not good to provide guidance to the teacher, not to interfere with what he plays and how to play, and not to start correcting him as soon as the so-called "mistake" occurs. Let him explore on his own, set the rules of play by himself, and build his perception of the world and confidence in himself in free play.
It turns out that "no matter" is the great wisdom of parenthood.
Whatever, let him learn and correct himself and build self-confidence from failure
When Gu Ailing's mother was asked about her child's educational philosophy, the first thing she mentioned was what she learned from the teacher: Don't correct the child's typos.
Not correcting typos is just an idea that is put into a specific scene, and when zoomed in, it is actually not obsessed with correcting the mistakes that children make when learning skills.
Yin Jianli, the author of "A Good Mother Is Better than a Good Teacher", mentioned a 5-year-old child in the book, the parents let her learn to write, she always writes a word and looks up at the parents, only until the parents say that the word is written correctly, they dare to write down. Her mother is very confused, she is obviously extremely responsible for education, why is the child always only promised, timid and inferior?
The problem lies in this "extremely responsible", the child's behavior is a little "incorrect", the mother rushes to forcibly correct, bitterly emphasizes, and at the same time takes the opportunity to criticize education.
Over time, children do not dare to do what they want, because they will always be greeted by their mother's denial and criticism, and only after receiving positive evaluations will they dare to act.
Everyone knows that failure is the mother of success, but many parents are telling their children with actions: it is wrong to do wrong, and failure is not right.
Wearing the opposite shoe, buttoning the wrong button... There is no blame, no need to reach out and do it for him, depriving him of the right to do it himself, believing that the child has the ability to find the right answer through repeated trial and error.
Regardless, avoid overprotecting and let him explore the wonderful world on his own
Colleague Dayan talked about her daughter's experience of learning to ride a bicycle.
At first, taught by his father, he kept clutching the car tightly, constantly shouting "pay attention", "be careful", "slow down" in the back, and his tone was full of worry and nervousness. The daughter practiced with her father more and more less confidence, learned several times but did not learn, and did not want to learn again.
Later, my mother went to war and learned it once. Because the mother boldly gave up, she only encouraged her daughter to look forward and ride boldly. Soon she would be able to ride her bike around the playground.
It's the same as when your baby learns to walk. Although there are individual differences in the time when children learn to walk, looking at children who refuse to walk independently, many parents behind them have cautious parents.
They are afraid of the child's wrestling, afraid of bumping, holding the child's hand and refusing to let go, following the child one step at a time. The child will be shocked when he hit a pus, and he will rush over to ask pityingly, "Is the baby all right?" We have to be careful not to fall. ”
Children who are not let go do not have the courage to face life alone.
Child: Challenge, the founding work of child psychology, says: "There will be blows and injuries in life, and children must learn how to face pain and stride across pain." Injured knees heal, while frustrated courage leaves scars for life. ”
As a parent, it is necessary to provide protection for children and pay attention to risk factors, but everywhere they are blocked, trying to isolate all risk factors, not allowing jumping, not allowing jumping, this can not be touched, that can not be touched, it is too much attention. What are the bad effects of overprotection?
Increases the child's fear of danger, resulting in fear of the tail, dare not let go of the hands and feet Children see that they are very weak in the eyes of their parents, think that they are not capable of facing the world alone, lose confidence in themselves, and do not have the courage to make decisions.
The world is not full of dangers, but rather fun. I believe that our children have the ability to deal with danger, the ability to take care of themselves, and the joy of progress in free exploration.
No matter what, protect your child's nature and let him enjoy the joys of life
Once chatting with her girlfriend Lingling, she complained about her naughty son. When it rains, not only do you have to step in the mud pit, but also chase and wrestle with your friends, clean clothes rolling mud, and you love to play like this every rainy day.
For this, Grandma was helplessly angry, and Mom was bitterly educated, and Dad clenched his fists and yelled at him, demanding that he not repeat the offense. But it didn't work. At that time, he shrugged his head, and afterwards he was still playing wildly with great enthusiasm.
In fact, how about letting him play freely in the mud pit? It's the nature of children to love to play, no, it should be said that it is human nature, right?
It is nothing more than that the clothes are dirty and need to be washed, and this does not take much time, which may be less time than criticizing education.
I suggested that she prepare a special outfit for her son next time, and agreed that his son should wash the dirty clothes with his grandmother or mother. Everyone knows in advance what is going to happen, feels the joy of their son stepping on the mud pit together, and can establish a closer parent-child relationship in common labor.
Ling Ling felt that this plan was feasible, and thought that instead of chasing after the back and arguing, it would be better for the Buddhist system to let him run. Later, the family was liberated in this matter, and the son took the initiative to say that he would pay attention to safety and actively dry the washed clothes.
Teacher Xiao Wu, an expert in children's education, wrote in her book "Accepting Children": "Free play is as indispensable as air and water for children, and only when interest in the world can there be motivation to survive." Children's independence is gradually exercised and developed in free play. ”
Don't take the usual road, you have to pick the rocky road that is difficult to walk; roll in the sand and bury yourself in the sand; when you encounter a puddle, you go in and stomp a few feet; on a rainy day, you have to rain without an umbrella... Let him go, hold back the impulse to control him, and don't fill your child's ears with rebukes, criticisms, and commands, leaving him with a happy, laughter-filled childhood.
Whatever, make the rules clear and let him learn to take responsibility
Every morning, from getting up to going out, a chicken flies and a dog jumps. After getting up and getting dressed, urging washing and eating, the mother who urged her doubted life, until she sent the baby out of the house.
This is a true portrayal of many families with children. Grinding and grinding seem to have become a "common disease" of children, and there is no medicine to cure.
In fact, it is precisely because there is a mother behind him to urge, will make him feel that these are not his own affairs, anyway, the mother will arrange everything.
Take the biggest problem of these, the eating session, as an example. "Rice residue" is used by the majority of mothers to describe their children who are not good at eating, half a day into the mouth, a bite to eat for half a day, eat a meal, play a play. Parents repeatedly urge, coerce and induce, plus feed a few bites, in order to barely finish a meal.
I once saw my mother, whose child was less than 2 years old, complain in the group: "After a meal, I eat one bite after ten bites, and the rest is thrown away, thrown away, and I will explode." "I can't help scolding every time."
In fact, eating independently and eating well is particularly easy to solve, as long as parents adhere to the principle, children can quickly develop good habits.
Agree on the time to eat, 7:00-7:30 in the morning is the time to eat, 7:30 to finish on time to prepare to go out, if it is 7:30, regardless of whether you have finished eating, the plate will be taken away. No other food is served between meals. Do not express any opinion on his eating performance.
If you are hungry and shed tears, accompany him and tell him that you are also sad, but you can only wait for the next meal to eat. At this time, do not be soft-hearted to send him snacks, and do not sneer at the opportunity to educate. He will know that eating is his own business, and he will bear the consequences of not eating well.
After the activities of going out in the morning have been designed by parents, let the children take control of themselves as much as possible. Decide when to get up, choose your clothes in advance, eat by yourself... Let children realize that these things are their own business, and what parents need to do is to provide food and grasp the overall rhythm.
Long Yingtai has a saying: "The so-called father-daughter mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that you are constantly watching his back drift away in this life and this life." "I hope that when the child leaves us, he will not go forward with fear and trembling, but reserve a wealth of energy to face the world."
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【Transferred from: Sohu original — writing a diary with your baby】