The following scenarios are not familiar to you:
Child: Grandma, I'm full.
Adult (take a look at the rest of the food): You're not full yet, you need to eat more.
Child: Dad, I'm so scared!
Lord: There's nothing to be afraid of.
Child: Mom, brother grabbed my toy!
Adult: You have to learn to share.
Have you noticed that your child's temper is getting more and more grumpy?
In fact, the reason is very simple.
What happens if the same words are said to adults? When you tell your husband that you are tired of rushing to pick up the children after work, he says that there is something tiring about it. How do you feel? Did you really want to call him?
When emotions are denied, people feel bad. The same goes for kids.
So, when the child encounters a problem or has a temper tantrum, how should we coax the child to effectively help the child?
Master the following three points, you can also be a good parent who understands children.
First, listen to what your child is saying
Listen to who wouldn't?
No, a lot of people can't really listen.
As we have said above, he said east and west, and you can't go together at all. That's not listening.
Learn to listen to your child. It is to hear the problems (things) encountered by the child, understand the child's emotions when facing this matter, and it is best to be able to empathize. Then, also hear what the demand behind that is.
The child tells you that she is afraid of the dark. The thing she encountered was that the lights were turned off at night and it was so dark around her that she couldn't adapt. The emotions behind it are fear, insecurity. She told you this in the hope of being reassured and feeling safe.
Only by understanding these things can we truly understand how to listen.
Second, accept the child's emotions and feelings
The child's emotions are denied, and it is strange not to be impatient.
The child says, I am full, you say you are not full; the child says, I am so hot, you say no, you have to wear more; the child says, my brother is so angry with me like that, you say you can't be angry, you have to be generous. In this way, the child will feel confused in the long run. Whether she is hungry or not, whether others have provoked her or not, whether she should be angry or not.
Psychologists have said that any repressed emotion explodes in an even uglier way.
When the child's emotions and feelings are denied, they are suppressed and eventually vented in a grumpy way.
Fourth, learn to talk to your child well
Teacher Yin Jianli said, "Educating children is nothing more than talking to him well."
Words, do not rush, do not get angry, do this, you will be 100% successful
Eighty. ”
Unreliable parents control their children with emotions, and reliable parents guide their children with patience and encouragement. Learn to talk to your child well in order to better guide your child and help your child grow!
So we say that it's important to accept your child's emotions.
Acceptance is permission.
Yes, baby, I know you're sad/scared right now, you can be sad for a while and I'm with you.
This is acceptance.
3. Solve problems through consultation
The child loses her temper, and her needs are often unreasonable in the eyes of adults.
For example, children often say that they don't want to take a bath at night.
At this time, parents often say, no! You played a sweat today, how can you not take a shower? Then force the child to take a bath.
However, as the child's "ability to resist" becomes stronger and stronger, the result of forcing the child is often to make the chickens and dogs jump at home, the children cry, and the adults are tired.
Use what we call the method to communicate with your child.
First of all, we must understand the child's feelings and accept the child's feelings. You're tired of playing today and don't want to take a shower, right? Mom didn't want to take a shower when she was tired. (Resonates with children)
Then, explain the consequences of not bathing to your child. Bacteria breed, easy to get sick, etc.
Finally, I proposed to the child that she take her favorite little yellow duck to the bath with her, use the peach-flavored bubble liquid, and tell stories together after the bath. In this way, the child can easily be moved.
To paraphrase the classic phrase "your child, not your child". When raising children, we must not only treat the child as a child and respect her characteristics, but also not treat the child as a child, treat the child with a normal heart, and compare the heart to the heart. Parenting is about growing up with children, let's cheer together!