The younger brother in "Guarding the Liberation of the West" who stole his sister's money to buy a house may never change

introduction

Of all the things that educate a child, the most important thing is to give him a sense of boundaries.

The story of guarding the liberation of the west

Yesterday, I saw such a hot search on Weibo, titled "Brother steals money from his sister to buy a house and is called by his sister". The iconic Changsha Mandarin in the video makes people know at once that this should be a clip from "Guarding the Liberation of the West".

The video goes something like this: A woman comes to the police station and calls the police, saying that she has stolen 20,000 yuan, which is money for buying a house with her boyfriend. After the police learned about the situation, she told her that it was his brother who stole her money. And this is not the first time my brother has done such a thing.

And what she was most concerned about was that although she had called the police, because this was a matter between relatives, there would be some tolerance when punishing her brother. But police said there were no exceptions before the law.

Later, because he knew about the thief, his brother was soon taken back to the police station. During the interrogation, the police asked his brother why he stole twenty thousand? The younger brother replied, because of the many. The police asked, thirty thousand more. My brother replied that because I only had 50,000 in WeChat, I transferred 20,000 and kept 30,000.

When the police asked his brother if the money was still there, the younger brother said that there were only 3,000 left.

That's how he spent the money: from head to toe, he bought new clothes, new pants, new shoes; a new mobile phone with Bluetooth headphones; singing with friends, drinking, opening a room; and finally borrowing a friend for 2,000.

It took 17,000 in one day.

Subsequently, the police asked the younger brother if he had any thoughts about this matter, and the younger brother apologized and felt very sorry for his sister. So the police let my sister in and communicate with my brother. But after the sister entered the interrogation room, the younger brother avoided the sister's eyes and did not look at the sister at all. And the sister, from the moment she entered the door, she was in tears.

Finally, just as the sister was on the phone with her father and intended to give the phone to her brother, the younger brother walked out of the interrogation room.

Well-intentioned love does not dispel the darkness in the heart

From the beginning of the report to the wordlessness in the interrogation room, it can be seen that the sister loves this brother from the bottom of her heart, and cares and cares a lot.

At the same time, it can also be seen that the sister is very reasonable, although the younger brother has done something wrong, she does not blame too much, but is anxiously worried about what will happen to him later.

A family that can raise such children should be a gentle family.

But why, the same family, two children have grown into two sides.

It's love and protection.

Many families will spoil their second child, especially in some families that still have patriarchal plots. And this family should have such a plot.

There's nothing wrong with pampering, but many parents have a hard time finding the boundaries between doting and pampering.

In the process of growing up as a person, the most important thing is the sense of boundaries.

A person's ability to distinguish between right and wrong does not depend on whether the thing itself is right or wrong. Rather, from the inside out, whether or not spontaneously think about this matter, black or white. This ability to distinguish depends on the sense of boundaries in childhood.

In the story, there is a detail that the sister said that it was not the younger brother who did this. This is also the reason why I think this family has such a plot. The core reason why a person does something wrong again and again is that he doesn't think it's wrong in his heart.

It is conceivable that the first time the younger brother took (stole) the sister's things without the consent of the sister, their parents may just pleasantly accuse the younger brother of doing this is not right, taking other people's things must be approved by others. In fact, most parents can only do this step.

However, a correct concept requires a lot of skill to be able to pass it on to children. It's like inception, implanting concepts into someone else's brain. Giving children the right idea also needs to be implanted.

Convey the correct concept to the child with the right communication skills, and this concept will take root and sprout in the child's heart like a seed. It grew into a wall and became the boundary of his heart.

Only a person, who has a boundary between right and wrong in his heart, can restrain himself and reject the wrong things.

How to properly establish a sense of boundaries for your child

Teaching children is indeed a headache for parents.

Too harsh, it is easy for children to fear themselves, alienate themselves, and as they get older, rebellion will make children's behavior more contrary; too tolerant will make their children become "little emperors" and grow up to be like the younger brothers in the story of "Guarding the Liberation of the West".

So how can we set boundaries for our children?

A. Maintain equality with children in daily life

Once, there was a saying that, although it may make many readers uncomfortable, I still wanted to share it - "In modern times, it is actually very simple to experience the feeling of being an emperor, and it is enough to have a child."

Many parents will always unconsciously control their children and put their position higher than their children. In fact, when you recall your childhood, you will remember that when a person is treated condescendingly, the heart cannot be opened.

The mind that is treated condescendingly will always defend and resist.

So the first step is to be as equal as possible with your children in your daily life. An equal relationship will make the other person's heart more open, because he will always realize subconsciously that he is an independent individual.

If you think about the relationships that make you feel relaxed and happy, you will find that these relationships have such a commonality - equality.

B. Don't shy away from difficult conversations

In life, we always encounter "difficult conversations".

Examples include asking your boss for a raise, expressing your dissatisfaction with your partner, arguing with friends about different opinions about things.

If you don't know, I want to tell you that, in fact, anyone would be afraid of tough conversations. We don't just fear difficult conversations, we avoid difficult conversations until they can't help but face it, and we deal with it. But when it is impossible to avoid, difficult conversations are only held, and the cutscenes of dialogue are often very poor.

Do you remember the last time you expressed your bad feelings to a lover, what was the scene?

Tough conversations with children, we too are afraid.

This is also why many parents will subconsciously condescend, because the suppression of identity will make difficult conversations easy.

Difficult conversations are often critical and important, and the reason why it makes us feel difficult is because we value the object of the conversation and the outcome of the conversation.

So because of this, we should spend a little time on difficult conversations - adjust our mentality; prepare some communication plans according to the acceptance of the communicator; choose the right dialogue atmosphere according to the content of the dialogue; always remind ourselves to listen during the dialogue; and keep our hearts open.

When doing the above, you have to believe that no matter how young the child is, he will always have human instincts, he can feel your sincerity, but also open his heart to you, and listen to you carefully. The most important thing to make a person accept your point of view is to let the other person open the door of the heart.

For example, if you also find that your child is stealing, you should have a conversation like this:

1. Telling yourself to be angry and angry will only make the child feel afraid, and under fear, the child's obedience is not to understand the right or wrong behavior, but only out of fear. When this fear is gone, he may repeat the behavior.

2. This is a serious matter, and the atmosphere of dialogue needs to be kept serious and serious, but not suffocating. Remember, the most important thing is equality.

3. Give the other person a chance to say why they were so wrong and how they felt in the moment. Letting the object of the conversation express himself allows him to reflect on his own behavior in his own heart, realize the problem, and strengthen his memory; letting the other party say how he feels in the moment can help you understand whether he has realized the mistake of his behavior at this moment and whether he will correct it.

4. When the other party is in the process of expression, there may be some concepts that surprise you, but don't rush to refute, keep your heart open, and listen to the other party's expression. This helps you to get to know your conversation partner better, build intimate communication relationships, and listen deeper, so that you can understand more deeply why the other person has the wrong idea, so that you can better continue to communicate and correct it.

C. Always remind, but don't blame

The child is always forgetful, and many times even if he has a deep and difficult conversation, he will still repeat the wrong behavior. But don't get angry about it, ask yourself, don't you, as an adult, do you not do things that even you think are stupid again and again?

When the child reoffens, you need him, try to control the tone, and if necessary, have another difficult conversation. But remember, your purpose is not to make your child, ** succumb to you because of fear, but to grasp the right outlook on life. **

A universal guideline for treating others

In Chinese culture, there is a very simple way to get along with others, that is, to push oneself and others.

Do not do to others what you do not want to do to others, which is a word that each of us knows.

When there is a situation where you have no experience in dealing with it and you need to react immediately, remember to remind yourself of this sentence and do it as much as you can.

Many times in life, there is a kind of playful repetition. More or less, we will grow into people we hate.

Parents who were strictly educated when they were young are also prone to strictly educate their children. This is because, just as water always flows to the places with the least resistance, we are always more willing to choose to do simple things.

So when you don't know what to do, just ask yourself, I don't want to be treated like that, and avoid doing that.

This method, in addition to treating children, works well in dealing with people.

May you always be equal with others and live a life full of happiness.