Today, when education is encouraged and affirmed, after we can't just say "Hello is great", how did everyone change the law to "encourage" and "praise" their little princes and little princesses? In the face of these praises, will the baby be used? Will the child act "obediently and as you wish" because of this?
Two generations, two views of education
Taking the subway, the content of the two grandmothers chatting next to me "broke" into my ears.
One said: "I am really outdated, I don't know how to educate children." Now the little young, holding the child to the sky - drinking saliva, awesome! It's awesome! Walking, awesome! Even a sneeze has to be praised. The most exaggerated thing is that if you do something wrong, you must also dig your heart out and say something nice! Oh my God..."
The other should be reconciled: "Not really. When I took my two children, I said one thing or the other, where there was room for bargaining. Although I was fierce to the children, I did not scold less, but they also grew up well, there was no psychological problem. But now young parents, chasing after their children all day long, are afraid of destroying some parent-child relationship..."
I listened silently, wondering, what is the reason for the 180-degree reversal of the two generations' concept of family education?
"A Rabbit's Little Porcelain Bowl" Inner Page Yang Huiwen
Since the 20th century, Western countries have made progress in science and technology and civilization, and have become the leaders of modern human culture. Tracing back to the roots, attaching importance to parent-child relationship is also a concept from the West in recent years.
Traditional Chinese culture pays attention to filial piety, respect and inferiority, obedience, what "the son is not filial piety, the father's fault", what "filial piety under the stick"... Many of today's young parents have also grown up under the education of sticks, and they are bitter and self-aware. In contrast, they naturally embraced new ideas and encouraged the natural popularity of education.
But then again, if you take it out of context, overcorrect it, and blindly praise it, it seems that because the child is small and joking, but there is a crisis lurking in it.
"Mom, I'm hurt" inner page Liu Na
Everyone is quite familiar with the "paragraph" of Western parents with their children: the child falls, the parents do not rush to take a look, there is no big trouble, they let the child get up by himself; the child who takes the ice cream and eats it with a full mouth, and the parents do not take it seriously...
On the other hand, in the Oriental family, parents saw their children fall, eager to pounce on an arrow step, carefully lifted the child up, anxiously checked, and chanted in their mouths, "Oh, my good treasure, does it hurt?!" Tell you to jog down, just don't listen! Scared to death! "The child may not have had much pain, but he was also frightened by the adult's reaction, and Shunshi cried. Eating an ice cream is the same, mom and grandma always have to be careful to serve, eat a bite of the mouth, make sure to leave no traces, make a clean baby.
Why make this comparison? Because education is encouraged, it is indispensable to have a large spiritual background of children as independent individuals.
Two generations, two upbringings
Children in Western families, although young, often have to share household chores, such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, mowing lawns, doing odd jobs to earn pocket money, and so on. Contribute to the family, develop a sense of responsibility, and train independence and problem-solving skills.
The children of oriental families seem to live in an impeccable protective net, well-served and pampered. Their only task is to study hard, practice, play, and so on. Children's independence is relatively low and dependent.
In the East, children are a parent's dream. In the West, children are independent individuals. When our encouragement and education, only praise, only affirmation, but no respect, self-discipline, responsibility, and even children's opportunities to make mistakes have been emptied, when they grow up to face a real world, how to adapt?
There is such a sentence in the "Huainanzi Human Training": "There are three dangers in the world: less virtue and more favors, one danger is also; only lower and high, the second danger is also; there is no great merit and there is Houlu, and the three dangers are also!" ”
"Less virtue and more favor", to some extent, is the true portrayal of the oriental baby. Will they, who will be praised for their every move, become "self-righteous and do not accept the views of others; no one in sight, only care about their own needs"?
When they become adults and leave home, can only live in a virtual circle of friends who are liked? How do they solve the puzzle? And how to overcome setbacks? How do you avoid becoming a "cynical or self-pitying poor person"?
Three tips for positive encouragement of children
Positive encouragement is important for anyone, including children, but be "when why how."
When – When to like? If the like is just to blindly praise the child, or to show the baby, the fight; if the like is not to encourage the child to recognize and maintain the correct behavior, then the like at this moment, like the super currency, is too cheap. Liking needs to be timely.
Why – Why Like? The child's eating should be instinctive, not an act worthy of praise, but praise for his eating clean, cherishing food, and respecting the labor of the peasant uncle. Children get good results in exams and competitions, and what deserves praise is not the score or medal, but the child's efforts.
How – How do you like it? Tell a little story that I know. The little girl was born with curly hair, was ridiculed by her classmates on the first day of school, and went home to cry with her mother. Mom took her in her arms, gently stroked her hair and said, "You are Mom's most beloved baby, you are so different!" Your classmates are still young and don't understand, not all of them will have curly hair. You remember, you're the best! "At first, the mother did a good job, but in the end, in order to appease the child, she intensified her praise.
There is nothing wrong with straight hair or curly hair, and there is no distinction between high and low, so let the child realize this. The ideal praise, do not compare, do not show off, do not draw snakes to add to the foot.
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Aunty Anne
We are accountants. After being promoted to mother, she continued to learn about her children's education and family relations. After obtaining a Master's degree in Early Childhood Education from the University of Queensland, he studied psychology and family counselling. Committed to counseling autistic children and accompanying them through emotional, behavioral, and learning difficulties. Years of experience in learning and applying family therapy have made her convinced that a harmonious and loving husband and wife relationship is the best soil for cultivating children, and with appropriate moisture (care) and sunshine (norms), children can grow up healthy and happy.