The problem of marriage and love among rural youth is more common than that in urban areas, and targeted mitigation paths are more needed.
▲ On February 22, 2022, at the marriage registration office of the Civil Affairs Bureau of Taocheng District, Hengshui City, Hebei Province, the couple displayed the marriage certificate they had just received. Photo by Xinhua News Agency reporter Zhu Xudong
| Yao Huasong
The annual two sessions of the National People's Congress are underway, and the suggestions and proposals of the delegates and members involving all aspects of social life will attract the general attention of the people every year, and this year is naturally no exception. For example, the issue of marriage and love among marriageable young people, which has been the topic of conversation at the two sessions for many years, has once again been hotly discussed by the deputies and members of the NPC and CPPCC National Committees.
According to reports, in view of the difficulty of marriage and love between marriageable young people, Li Jie, a deputy to the National People's Congress at the two sessions of the National People's Congress, suggested that special posts for marriage and love committee members be set up in trade union organizations at all levels; Xiong Sidong, deputy to the National People's Congress, also suggested that public marriage intermediary organizations be established in trade unions, women's federations, the Communist Youth League, and other organizations to provide marriage and love services for single men and women of the right age.
Lu Tianxi, a deputy to the National People's Congress, also plans to submit a bill, suggesting that the intensity of rectification of high-priced dowries should be intensified at the national level, so as to avoid "some young men in families who have reached the marriageable age but cannot afford to marry their daughters-in-law; some families will return to poverty after marrying their daughters-in-law.", and related topics such as these have attracted considerable attention.
In fact, in order to alleviate the difficulties of marriage and love among young people of the right age on the mainland, all parties concerned have made positive efforts and achieved certain social results. However, compared with the cities, the problem of marriage and love difficulties among young people of the right age in the vast rural areas of the mainland is more prominent, and the phenomenon of young men beating single sticks in rural areas is more common, and it is more necessary to take targeted mitigation paths.
Because it is related to rural revitalization, this year's central "No. 1 document" also particularly emphasizes the need to carry out special management of the problem of high-priced dowries in rural areas, so as not to aggravate the difficulty of marriage for rural marriageable young people. This issue has been named for the third time by "Document No. 1", which shows the prevalence of the problem and the urgency of governance.
▲ On December 2, 2020, the villagers of Hushang Village, Da'an Town, Tonghua County, Jilin Province, held a happy event, set up a shed in their yard, and set up a flowing water mat during the snow season to invite the whole village to drink happy wine. Figure/IC photo
Phenomenon: During the Spring Festival, the tea houses in the town are full of blind dates
When we hiked with my good friend Q Brother, whose hometown was in the countryside of western Guangdong, we talked as we walked. He told me that the most lively place they had during the Spring Festival was not the shopping mall, nor the chess and card room, the game room, but the major tea houses, from the first to the fifteenth day of the first year, every day was crowded. It turned out that the lively tea house was full of people who came from all directions to go on blind dates, and the composition of each table of guests was the same, which was a combination of marriageable young men + matchmakers + girls + girls.
Brother Q told me that from the twentieth day of the waxing moon to the fifteenth day of the first month, the matchmaker is very busy, and on average, he has to organize 5 to 8 blind dates every day, and each time he can get at least 200 yuan of intermediary fees. In other words, around the Spring Festival, a competent matchmaker can earn 20,000 or 30,000 yuan.
The popularity of the matchmaker profession illustrates the basic truth that in some rural areas, it is becoming increasingly difficult for marriageable men to find or marry a daughter-in-law.
In Q's village, there are 85 marriageable men between the ages of 25 and 40, of which nearly 30 are single. This is roughly similar to the situation in my hometown of Huanggang, Hubei Province.
There are 18 young marriageable men in our village, and 7 have not found girlfriends. Many of them don't want to find it, they can't find it. This marital anxiety is not limited to young people, but also to their parents.
For example, in the face of my cousin, who is 36 years old but still can't get his daughter-in-law, my uncle said to me, "I fully accept that my future daughter-in-law is a divorced woman, even with a baby."
Although modern people have long since stopped thinking that there is anything wrong with falling in love with a divorced person and having children, it is still relatively rare for a traditional rural elderly person to say so. This also circumstantially corroborates to a certain extent the difficulty of marrying a local daughter-in-law.
▲ On May 2, 2018, in the south of Shenyang, Liaoning Province, a couple chose to set up a table in their courtyard to entertain relatives and friends who came to the wedding. Figure/IC photo
The crux of the matter: regional differences superimpose deep changes in ideology and concepts
In fact, it has been difficult for young marriable men in rural areas to marry their wives for some years, but the specific reasons for the "difficulty" are constantly changing.
The "difficulty" of the past was first caused by regional differences. In some remote rural areas, the idea of son preference is still serious, and the sex ratio between men and women is seriously imbalanced.
For example, in the suburbs of a city in western Guangdong, according to the communiqué of the seventh national census, the male population in the district accounts for 52.71% of the total population, the female population accounts for 47.29%, and the sex ratio is as high as 111.47. More men and fewer women will inevitably make it difficult for men of the right age to marry.
Some young men are content with the status quo and do not want to make progress, which is a typical "lying flat", which is also difficult for girls to entrust for life. Because, everyone is more willing to find a self-motivated partner, willing to fight and struggle, have the desire to have a better life and pay for it.
Today, in the context of deep economic and social transformation, three other factors have exacerbated the difficulty of marrying young men in rural areas to marry their wives.
The first is the material conditions. There are more men and fewer women, objectively raising the material capital required by the man's family to marry relatives, so that in some rural areas, the man's family has no house and no car, and there is not enough bride price to marry the daughter-in-law.
One of my cousins, 34 years old, who works in Xining, Qinghai, talked about a local girlfriend two years ago, and the two got along very well, but the woman's parents made it clear that unless they bought a house in Xining, they would not have to talk about getting married. As a result, at the end of last year, the cousin's parents gave everything they had, pieced together, and finally bought a house before marrying the girl home. But because of this, it borrowed more than 300,000 yuan, which is a veritable "marriage to poverty".
In the context of rapid urbanization, young people have gone to the city to work, and some young women of the right age have long been accustomed to urban life and are unwilling to return to the countryside. They are no longer subject to traditional notions of marriage and family, and firmly grasp the autonomy and self-determination of marriage. Based in the city, changing the fate through marriage is the consensus of many rural girls. This has also objectively exacerbated the difficulty of choosing a spouse for young marriable men in rural areas.
Of course, material factors such as houses and cars occupy an important position in the current process of determining marital relations, but they do not constitute an inevitable causal relationship, and there are also many people who have houses and cars and still cannot marry their daughters-in-law.
Young women's standards for "good men" have long changed, once they were rules-abiding, steady and cautious, honest and honest, and now they are more flexible, dare to fight, and enthusiastic. Young people who come out of traditional rural areas and are strictly disciplined by their parents from an early age often carry characteristics such as introvertedness, shyness, thin skin, poor speech, and dare not express, which also brings trouble to gender exchanges.
▲On May 19, 2018, Guangdong Qingyuan Ancient Dragon Gorge Scenic Area held a unique rafting collective wedding for several pairs of employees. Because the scenic spot is in the deep mountains and old forests, the staff faces the problem of love and marriage. Figure/IC photo
The way out: The comprehensive revitalization of the countryside also requires the all-round development of individuals
So, how to alleviate the problem of young marriable men in rural areas having difficulty in marrying a daughter-in-law? We may wish to make more efforts in the following areas.
Rural development, of course, remains fundamental. Governments at all levels should profoundly promote rural revitalization and fundamentally improve the soft and hard conditions and environment for rural development. As long as rural transportation is more convenient, foreign exchanges are more convenient, the living environment is of better quality, public service facilities such as schools and hospitals are readily available, every household lives and works in peace and contentment, the income of villagers has increased significantly, the gap between urban and rural areas is getting smaller and smaller, the countryside is no longer synonymous with backwardness, and rural youth will not worry about not being able to find a girlfriend and marry a daughter-in-law.
In terms of conceptual change and family style construction, the countryside should also completely abandon the old concepts of male superiority over female inferiority and preference for sons over daughters, establish a new concept of having children and daughters, and support and encourage both men and women to raise children together.
Especially the man, to fully understand and take the initiative to share the heavy pressure faced by housewives, give women more respect and care in terms of material security and spiritual comfort, create a public opinion environment and family atmosphere in which the whole society cares about women, and comprehensively enhance women's happiness and satisfaction. Only in this way can women be fundamentally allowed to marry into the village and be willing to settle down.
In terms of personal development, young men who are suitable for marriage should improve themselves in an all-round way, work hard, not only to enhance the ability to make money, but also to treat people and things, deal with people, and communicate with the opposite sex. For example, on weekdays, find some books that aim to enhance male charm, read them, learn various knowledge and skills, and learn from the excellent men around you. At the same time, dress more appropriately, talk more generously, and take care of the opposite sex and compassion more carefully, it is easier to win the favor of women.
In terms of social circle expansion, marriageable young men can consider going to Guangdong Dongguan, Zhongshan, Jiangsu Suzhou, Wuxi and other light industrial cities in the Pearl River Delta or Yangtze River Delta region, garment, textile, electronics are the leading industries in these cities, there are relatively many female practitioners, go to these places to work, young men have a relatively large chance of knowing girls, and the opportunity to make girlfriends is relatively large.
At the same time, after work, marriageable young men can actively participate in various group activities, join various friendship groups, hometown groups or sports groups, know some of the opposite sex with the same or similar interests or hobbies, participate in hiking, mountaineering, badminton, table tennis and other activities, and slowly, there is the possibility of becoming a partner.
In fact, as a relatively common social phenomenon, the problem of marriage and love difficulties among young people of school age in rural areas has also been mentioned at the two sessions of the National People's Congress in recent years, and even became a hot topic during the two sessions of the National People's Congress last year, and was specifically talked about by many deputies and members.
Under the background of the policy of mentioning special governance in the "No. 1 document" of the central government this year, it is also expected that at the two sessions of the National People's Congress, more deputies and members will come up with more solid and feasible bills and proposals, effectively alleviate the problem of marriage and love difficulties for rural youth, and also boost population development and rural revitalization.
Beijing News special writer | Yao Huasong (Associate Professor, Department of Sociology, Guangzhou University)
Edit | He Rui
Proofreading | Li Lijun
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