You may not always act in an ideal way as a child, but if you redefine the way you react to situations, your child's best qualities can actually be played out.
It boils down to one principle: focus on what your child is doing right. Studies have found that emphasizing children's strengths increases their likelihood of being healthy, happy and involved in school. After years, the benefits include a reduced risk of depression, better job performance, and even a happy marriage.
There's a myth that we all need to develop holistically, which makes many parents see their children as improvement projects that need to reinforce weaknesses. Children often hear the drums of constructive criticism, as I often heard in my childhood: "Too sensitive, too bossy, too dramatic." ”
Instead, you should convince your child that weaknesses are normal and that we can be perfect in imperfections. By adjusting feedback to their strengths, you'll foster an important positive feedback loop: When they do a good job at something, they get satisfaction, which encourages them to do more. This practice makes them better, starts the cycle again, and strengthens their self-esteem. Feeling competent and valuable is key to resilience in the face of future challenges.
It turns out that not every talent, skill, or interest counts as a force. There are some "learned behaviors" that we simply have to do because we have to.
Answer the following question: Does my child like this? Are they good at it? Do they choose to do this? Dr. Waters says having something that can examine all these boxes is the real advantage.
A tip for young children is that when your child becomes so preoccupied with something, they forget what's going on around them. Another trick to finding strengths in school-age children is to offer housework options and then focus. For example, children who like to fold things tend to naturally understand how shapes fit together, a common strength for architects and billiards players.
There are more than 100 different strengths that scientists can measure, including creativity, a love of learning, courage, self-control, a sense of humor, open-mindedness, and kindness.
When you identify one of your child's strengths, point it out to them, and then look for opportunities to help them build more muscle. As they begin their new school year, encourage them to put most of their energy into their strengths and address their weaknesses until it's enough to get them out of trouble.
When children have difficulty writing, they can focus only on legibility. Why? Research shows that maximizing strengths yields greater gains than enhancing weaknesses. Children who focus on their strengths will not only have a more productive life, but will also be more fulfilling because they are more likely to choose careers and hobbies that produce a sense of "joy and wonder."
If your child does something enjoyable, it's not hard to determine which force is at work. The trick is to stop and ask yourself the same thing when your child's behavior is disappointing. You can then deal with problematic behavior by affirming rather than belittling her character.
The power shift also allows us to see the positive aspects of certain traits. "Both parents and children know that quiet or cautious is problematic, but introversion is associated with strengths such as listening, independence, patience, honesty, thoughtfulness and being a very loyal friend,"
In moments of frustration, take a few deep breaths and tell yourself, "The advantages are here, but they're hidden." Switch to finding them and you'll be better able to help your child grow, make sure you respect and be happy with the way they are now.
Of course, playing to your child's strengths doesn't mean you can't help them develop new skills either. With enough practice, any child can develop comfort, math skills, patience, and more in the spotlight.
Most of us know that saying things like "they're shy" can classify children, but talking about strengths can also be an identity, and if we say, "This child is kind, this is brave, this is funny," children don't realize that while some traits are more natural than others, every child has all the power to use.
It's advisable not to say " they're creative or super outgoing " , but rather , " One of the things they're really good at is ..." Related: adjusting a child's true nature
Like most things in parenting, strength-based parenting requires balance like a tightrope walker. We need to identify strengths, switch to seeing them, and focus on their growth, while also acknowledging weaknesses, while normal, are not static.