Lu Qin (Famous "Confidant Sister", Chief Education Expert of China Children's Press and Publication Corporation)
This video is a special lecture on family education given by Teacher Lu Qin in Shenmu City, Shaanxi Province, "China's First Tuhao County"
"Only know how to pity the child, not willing to use the child", this is the misunderstanding of today's parents' love. In fact, to love children, you must be willing to use children. A person can only feel worth when he is needed and used by others. When a child is used and needed by adults, he can feel how great his young life is, and then feel a deep love and a strong sense of responsibility.
So, how should parents use their children?
One. Say to your son: Having a son is different
Some parents raise their sons as "pets", do everything for their children, and never let their sons do something for themselves. In fact, the mother's affirmation of her son can best stimulate the potential of boys. In order to surprise the mother, the son can create miracles, and this motivation can make a weak boy a brave man.
How do I use my son? That is to enjoy the son. Say to your son, "Having a son is different." ”
When my son was 3 years old, once I held him and squeezed the bus, but unexpectedly, my legs were soft, I did not squeeze into the car, and almost fell on the side of the road. My son immediately asked me with concern, "Mom, what's wrong with you?" I said to my son seriously: "When my mother went to the countryside to join the queue, she broke her knee and couldn't get in the car with you." ”
As soon as my son heard this, he immediately jumped to the ground and beat my legs with his small hands. I stroked his head and said happily, "Having a son is just different!" "My son was very proud and never let me hold it again, and often beat my legs for me."
In the middle of the summer when my son was in the second grade of elementary school, one day when I came back from work, my son rushed to bring a cup of tea: "Mom, you drink tea!" I poured it for you. The tea was already cold, I had a bad stomach, I didn't like to drink herbal tea, but I still drank it all, and then contentedly said: "Having a son is different!" It would have been nice if the tea had been a little hotter! The next day, I "enjoyed" a cup of hot tea that my son poured.
When my son was in the fourth grade, one day his father was going on a business trip, and my son was happy, but I was embarrassed to say to him: "You are happy, I am miserable, and I have to rush home to cook for you after work." Who knows, the son patted his chest and said mysteriously: "Dad is not here, and I am!" Looking at him like that, I seemed to have a "dependence", and immediately "suddenly realized": "Yes! Right! And you, you're a man too! ”
To my surprise, the next day, after school, he came home early, fried two plates, put them on a plate, and covered them with a bowl. As soon as I got home, my son immediately said, "Mom, go wash your hands, I'll give you food!" ”
I was particularly "obedient", washed my hands, and sat down at the dinner table. My son brought in the rice, and I took a big bite to eat.
The son watched from the sidelines and asked in the tone of a TV commercial, "How does it taste?" ”
"It tastes great!" I also used "slogan".
"How about comparing it to my dad's cooking?"
"Much better than your dad's stir-fried dish!" I said exaggeratedly. In fact, his craftsmanship is far worse than his father's, and he is still a little unfamiliar! But a few years later, my son was a good cook.
How eager the son is to be needed by his mother, to be affirmed by his mother. The greatness of a mother is not whether she can let her son go to college and study abroad, but in letting her son have a sense of accomplishment, find self-confidence, find self, and find the needs of his parents and society for him! When he found what his parents and society needed for him, he found a responsibility, a happiness.
Parents who truly love their children should be weaker in front of their sons and give their children a little chance to love others. Don't always see yourself as a mountain, see your child as a small grass, let the child lean on you, look up at you, and fear you; don't be a big umbrella, see the child as a chicken, shield the child from the wind and rain, and let the child be weak and can't help the wind.
Two. Say to your daughter: It's nice to have a daughter
Using daughters, I also have a saying: appreciate your daughter and say to your daughter: "It's nice to have a daughter!" ”
"It's nice to have a daughter!" This is the parents' appreciation of their daughters, but also the greatest encouragement to their daughters, it can make their daughters see the value of their own existence, full of optimism and self-confidence, learn to be kind and caring. A girl, from an early age, can get the love of her father, which helps to cultivate her good character, cheerful and generous mind and good communication ability.
Conversely, a girl who has lost her father's love since childhood is prone to choosing a fatherly boyfriend when choosing a mate, or always harbors hatred for men. If the mother is the earth, then the father is a blue sky; if the earth can create life, then the blue sky should contain the world. When heaven and earth are one, all things can grow and reproduce harmoniously and healthily, which is the law of the development of nature.
Fathers in the world should use a broad mind to accept their daughters, appreciate their daughters, and accompany their daughters to grow up on the road of life.
Three. Don't do what your child can do for him
If you want to cultivate your children into people who can adapt to the future society, you must "stock", not "captive", and be willing to let go. In particular, it is necessary to cultivate boys' strong and resolute manhood, give them a free and independent space from an early age, and provide opportunities to exercise, practice and show their skills.
The journey to and from school every day is a perfect opportunity to cultivate a child's tough and hard-working temperament. Allowing children to exercise themselves to and from school can make him find a lot of fun on the road, and can also increase the knowledge that many textbooks cannot learn.
When my son was in elementary school, his home was far from school and it took more than an hour to get a car on the road. From the third grade, my son began to squeeze the bus to and from school by himself.
One day, he mysteriously said to me, "Mom, I found that there is philosophy everywhere in life." Let's talk about squeezing the bus, there are six elements. ”
I was intrigued: "When did my son become a philosopher?" Squeeze the car also squeeze out the experience! Speaking of which, I listen! ”
The son said with great interest the "six elements" he summarized: "First, when waiting for the car, don't have to look in the direction of the car, in that case, how sore the neck is!" Just use your afterglow to look at the people next to you, as soon as the crowd moves, it is the car coming! ”
"Makes sense! What about the second biggest element? "I'm in a lot of fun.
"Second, the car is coming, you don't want to follow the crowd." All you have to do is stick to the car and grab the handlebars and you're good to go! Third, if there are many people in the car without seats, you will stand behind the driver's seat, which is more spacious. ”
"Your eyes are still quite sharp!" What else? "I can't wait to hear it down.
"Listen to me slowly: fourth, although the driver's seat is spacious, but far from the armrest of the seat, your hands should be open and placed on the glass of the car window so that you can stand firmly; fifth, after standing up, your feet should be separated, so that you have a foothold of two feet; sixth, if there is a seat on the car, if you want to sit down, don't lean over first, you have to move your hips first, this seat is yours, this is called the 'hip movement method'!"
After listening to these "six elements", I laughed so much that tears came out. I thought, without squeezing the bus, how can he sum up so many "elements"? I knew that one day he would show me this set of "experiences" that he had summed up through personal experience.
Sure enough, the opportunity came.
One Sunday, I went out with him on the bus. At that time, people had not yet formed the habit of queuing up to get on the bus. Along the way, he kept showing off his "tricks" of squeezing cars: after the car entered the station, long-awaited people flocked to the door. My son helped me, squeezed up with the car, and got into the car after a while, which was really smart.
There were many people in the car, but he found a seat: "Mom, sit down, your waist is not good!" ”
When it came time to change to the second bus, there were more people. My son not only took me to the car, but also found a place for me to stand by the glass window behind the driver's seat. I saw him with his arms against the window frame, my head in the middle of his arms, and he said firmly, "No one will squeeze you anymore!" "There was a sudden rush of heat in my heart, a feeling of protection and pity, and this feeling came from my son, an 11-year-old boy.
After my son went to middle school, he rode to school every day for six years, wind and rain, no matter the wind and the sun, never cried bitter, I admired him from the heart.
After graduating from university, he took the initiative to ask to work in Shanghai, saying that he should feel the atmosphere of a modern big city so that he could connect with international standards.
On the day of departure, I was going to go to the airport to pick him up, but he wouldn't let me: "No need to send it, I can go by myself!" He took a taxi himself, smiled at me before getting into the car, waved his hand, and said in the tone of a kindergarten kid, "Goodbye Mommy!" ”
I just waved my hand and said "Goodbye!" "I can't beg to go with him!" Looking at my son's long journey, I felt a hundred reassurances in my heart, and I knew that he was ok.
The process of my son's growth made me understand: what the child can do on his own, let him do it himself, don't do it for him. Doing what they can do for the child is the biggest blow to his enthusiasm, because it will make them lose the opportunity to practice, you are not at ease, and everything is interfered with, which is equivalent to telling him: "You can't do it, I don't believe you." ”
From a young age, let the child try, to experience, to exercise, the child has the ability to survive, has the ability to resist risks, when he goes far away and flies, you only have joy in your heart and no worries.
A person's whole life is on the road, instead of giving a child a pair of designer shoes, it is better to send him a pair of feet that can walk.
Four. Face your child with a loving smile
Once, I went to an elementary school to meet the children. A girl stood up and asked, "Sister Confidant, what if our teacher doesn't laugh?" This question reminds me of an interview at a primary school in Beijing, and in a squadron diary, I found an article titled "Where did the teacher's smiling face go?" The article reads: All the teachers come to class with their faces stretched, only the art teachers are smiling and squinting. As a result, in art class, there were people who spoke loudly, there were people who left their seats, there were people who borrowed things... It was a mess, and then the art teacher had to put away his smiling face and come to class with a strained face.
I conclude: to put it mildly, it's called "give face without face." The students burst out laughing. After laughing, I asked the girl who asked the question, "Have you ever had a 'face without a face'?" "Yes." The girl said frankly, "As long as the teacher gives a good face, some classmates start to make trouble." There was another burst of laughter in the audience. Finally, I suggest that students investigate "where the teacher's smiling face is?"
A few days later, I received an investigation report from my classmates, one of which read: "After class, I passed by the office and heard a hearty laugh, which is our class teacher. I wanted to see how she was smiling, but I just called out to the teacher, and the head teacher turned around and saw that it was me, and there was no smile on her face at all, and she coldly asked: 'What's the matter?' It made me understand that the teacher didn't laugh, he just didn't smile at us. ”
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