Author | Su Yi returned to the Central Plains
The 14-year-old boy, who is in the midst of adolescent rebellion, laughs at his mother:
"You are a housewife with no ability, no education, no money, and can only rely on my father to support, why do you educate me?"
When the father knew, he did not beat his son or scold him, but calmly walked up to the boy and said the following words to him:
"Children, our family is supported by fathers and mothers together, not who makes more money, who has more credit." If you don't have your mother at home to take care of you, your father will not be able to work outside with peace of mind.
Sometimes Dad was tired and stressed at work, but every time he came home, your mom had a hot meal. While I was eating, I listened to her say your study and life, and I felt that although the material conditions of our family were not good enough, we were not worse than others in terms of happiness, and you and my mother were the driving force for me to work hard.
Mom has given up so much and sacrificed so much for us in this life, we should all respect her, be considerate of her, feel sorry for her, and be doubly kind to her.
If a person does not even look down on his own mother, he will not deserve to be respected even if he has a future appearance.
When you get married in the future and start to earn money to support your family, I also hope that you will not belittle others, and do not think that you are raising them. A man, if he looks down on his wife, even if he makes more money, is not really successful. ”
Listening to his father's words, the boy burst into tears of guilt.
This dad's approach is simply textbook. He did not fight or scold, moved with affection, said every word on the point, and pulled back his rebellious son.
Every child goes through a period of rebellion, and there is more than one.
When the child reaches the rebellious period, the parent's approach is crucial, which will directly determine the relationship between the child and the parent.
Children are rebellious, and parents cannot tear each other down
After the child is 12 years old, the most typical performance of the rebellious period is 4 words: half asleep and half awake.
Children in a half-asleep and half-awake state, their minds are not yet fully developed, but they are eager to break free from the shackles of their parents. Due to the large number of hormones secreted in the body, their mood swings are large, their temper is also large, and they are prone to conflicts with their parents without a word.
These are normal manifestations, not that the child has become "bad".
The friend is a stay-at-home mom who has been in her care since her daughter was born and has not been separated from her for a day. In elementary school, her daughter was well-behaved and sensible, and always loved to cling to her mother.
But after going to junior high school, the daughter seemed to have suddenly changed into a person, and she began to talk impatiently, thinking that her mother was long-winded, and a little thing could argue with her.
The most difficult thing is that the father returned home, saw the "bad disease" on his daughter, was angry, and always accused her in front of his daughter:
"How do you manage the child!" Good kids are taught by you to be like this! ”
When children become rebellious, parents should look at each other rationally, especially not to tear each other down.
The mother often takes care of the child the most, so she becomes the one who bears the most bad emotions of the child.
When the child and the mother play hard, the father's statement is very critical.
If the father's attitude is to firmly stand on the side of the mother and tell the child that he is not allowed to be rude to the mother under any circumstances, then the child will feel the balance of forces in the family and dare not make a mistake easily.
But if the father's attitude is perfunctory, turning a blind eye, and even accusing the mother with the child, then the child will lose his identity at home and will be even more uncontrollable.
Parents are the child's first teachers, and the child will imitate the way parents get along. If the father does not respect the mother's words and deeds, the child will involuntarily treat the mother with the attitude of the father to the mother.
This unhealthy relationship between husband and wife will also be inherited into the emotional life of the child when he grows up.
On the road to raising children, father and mother are common comrades-in-arms, and the united front can win the battle.
Husbands and wives tear each other apart and let the child's dislike and disrespect for the other partner not only hurt the feelings of the other partner, but also hurt the growth of the child, and both sides lose.
Educating children in the rebellious period, emotions are in the front and constraints are in the back
If parents can't correctly view children in the rebellious period and blindly treat them with harsh and rude education methods, it is easy to clash with their children and push their children farther.
Remember the boy who was smashed all the hands by his dad?
A boy in Zhejiang and his father quarreled and talked back, his father drank wine at the time, and smashed all the handmade models he collected in one breath, and the boy looked at a room full of debris and cried bitterly...
The next day, Dad woke up drunk, not realizing that he was doing something wrong, and said to the boy, "If you dare to talk back in the future, destroy all the things you like." ”
The father did not know that the fragments of the model in that room would be the shadow of his son's life. Because what is smashed is not only the child's model, but also the child's respect and trust for his father.
The other dad's approach was warm.
The 10-year-old boy ran away from home, and in the winter, wore only short sleeves and slippers. When Dad found out, he rushed to find someone.
After finding his son, he saw the trembling child, he did not blame, but took off the cotton jacket for the first time to put on his son.
Because he was in a hurry to come out to find the child, dad only wore a cotton jacket, and after taking it off, he wore shirtless in the cold night.
When the child grows up, the scene of the father playing shirtless will also be a warm memory of the child's life.
Psychologist Li Meijin has said that the process of education is that emotions come first and constraints come later.
This is especially true for children in the rebellious period.
Use emotions to impress the child and let him feel warm from you;
When his emotions calm down, then make rules, maybe a better way to solve it.
The child enters a period of rebellion, and the father cannot be absent
Educating a child is not a matter for the mother alone.
Before the child is 6 years old, the mother often has to spend more time to take care of the child's life;
When a child reaches adolescence, the father has to spend more time teaching the child how to become an adult.
If the father is absent for a long time, wait until something goes wrong and then throw the pot to the mother, it is difficult for the child to grow into an excellent adult.
Li Meijin once told a case:
A father is usually very busy at work and has very little time to spend with his son. My son is 16 years old and has started playing games in Internet cafes, even staying home all night.
But at this time, my mother could not control it. When he returned home, he beat his son up, and after the beating, the child did not accept it, and then beat him again.
One day, he was looking through the photo album at home and found that all his pictures were clearly scratched by a knife in his face.
Apparently the son crossed it.
The son did not obey his rough discipline and did not dare to confront him, so he vented his hatred in this way.
Only then did he realize that the father-son relationship was already in jeopardy.
Next, he adjusted the rhythm of work, took time to spend as much time as possible with his son, no longer clinging to those "problems", but taking his son to play every weekend.
Gradually, the son began to talk to him, and the smile on his face returned.
He found a time and casually talked to his son:
"Son, you have grown up, you can play with your father, your father used to accompany you very little, and now I am very happy to accompany you."
You grew up all at once, and it's all your mother's credit.
You see three people in our family, we are both manly, mom and a girl, it is not easy to take care of you. Hearing that you hadn't been home for several nights, she was so anxious that she cried.
Let's not let her worry in the future, what do you think? ”
After listening to these words, the son sincerely accepted his father's criticism, not only did not hate him, but also took the initiative to admit his mistake, and apologized to his mother for the first time after returning home.
If the mother is the patron saint of the child, the father is the guide on the child's growth path.
The critical period of a child's growth is only a few years. The child enters the rebellious period, and the father cannot be absent. No matter how busy work is, no child is important.
Make rules for children and cultivate the correct three views;
Befriend your child and teach your child to express emotions correctly;
Be a good mediator between mother and child, and cultivate children's respect and gratitude for their mothers.
Dad himself in front of the child, but also to respect and hurt the wife.
Children will become as good as their fathers for a long time.
Raising an excellent, grateful child is to achieve the next happy family.
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Author: Su Yihui Central Plains, a village girl, freelance writer. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.