Received a consultation, have to do a reply.
This friend sent three works of grammar, and the characteristics of one person's work are actually unified, so we will look at the three together and probably talk about personal perception.
First of all, I still feel relieved that the post-poetic learning is emerging, no longer limited to us, but still holding on to the defects. Although the new generation of people has a wide choice of cultural diversity, the traditional culture of the nation is still a choice for them, and even becomes a hobby to stimulate their self-motivation - this is very rare, and it is the biggest feeling I have felt since I opened the consultation. A new generation of young people is proud and arrogant, but as long as you can really make a gain guide to his progress, they are also humble and studious, and they will surely become the humerus of the inheritance of poetry culture in the future.
Those who are fooling around will surely blow the rain and the wind away.
Gossip less, look at the work.
"Li Du"
Yingying grass tomb is poor, and the carvings are real.
Angry autumn and long-term fall, there is no sun and moon three people.
"Reading Su Shijiang Chengzi's Ten Years of Life and Death Has Feelings"
Jiangnan hides the bottom of the eye, and can relieve how many tears.
Pound the heart for no reason and fry it to feed the dream moth.
Moon gang simo, the cottage is separated.
Since it is the water in the sky, the line looks at the river on the surface.
"Remember what you saw under the rain"
The light rain is light and the mountains are tight, and the railings are left with jumping bead marks.
The merchant film has passed through the same wind, and I have no intention of making noise.
Three works, two seven masterpieces, one five laws. Seven absolute sights and scenes, short expressions, five laws of reading with feelings, relatively deep affection. There is no problem with genre selection.
In terms of format, "Li Du" is the seven absolutes of the "Eleven Truths" part of the Ping Shui Rhyme, the "Pick" character of the second sentence "Carved to Pick Up the Will and Think True" is the sound word that leads to gu ping, and the fifth word "Si" If you read the flat sound, it is considered to have made a rescue. But individuals have developed the habit of seeing the word "si" in the rhyme of pingshui and reading "sì" first. Leave it alone for the time being, and let it succeed.
"Reading Su ShiJiang Chengzi Ten Years of Life and Death Has a Feeling" is the five laws of the "Five Songs" part of the Pingqi rhyme, and the whole poem is flat and strict, there is no law, there is no rescue, and there is not even a change of style.
The third song, "Remember what You See Under the Rain", is a rhyme that does not rhyme, and the "thirteen yuan" part of the flat water rhyme, and the first sentence uses the seven absolutes of "koi turning waves", and there is no law.
The three poems all abide by the rhyme of pingshui, in line with the relationship between ping and servant, and the five laws ensure the neck joint battle, so they are all qualified works, and it can be seen that this friend is indeed more serious in the study and use of the grammar.
So we can only look at the content, writing style, writing habits, and style of writing.
It is precisely because of the meticulousness of the format that the problems of writing are more prominent - because the problems beyond the format are actually quite personal, and the author can listen or not.
The first is the problem of reading comprehension. I'm sure most readers are like me, and when they see that there's no problem with the format, they try to understand what the author is writing.
And a really good work, you don't even need to know what its format is, you can know what it is saying at a glance, and understand the deep meaning of the poet hidden under the plain white text, the so-called "words are simple and deep" - the characteristics of Tang poetry.
Therefore, we can say unceremoniously that this friend wrote poetry, but the law is compliant, and there is still a certain distance from the ancient poetry in expression.
"Li Du"
Even if the title "Li Du" explains the theme, it is estimated that everyone will have to spend a lot of effort to understand what the poet wrote, right?
I reckon that this friend should be hanging du Fu's tomb, remembering Li Du's work of fighting for glory in the sun and the moon, and having a feeling.
Let's guess what he wrote, and then dissect why it's so hard to read.
The first sentence writes that the tomb is covered with wild grass, and the second sentence writes that the tombstone is engraved with Zuo Shiyi— that is, Du Fu. The third sentence writes about the vicissitudes of the sea and the change of years, and the fourth sentence writes that there is no one who can compete with Li Du.
When I say this, do you think it means so much?
It's actually a very simple piece of work, why it is difficult to understand (at least for me, it is quite stumbling), because the poet uses the "poet language", or the poet language he thinks he is. The first two sentences are too lazy to say, you see the third sentence "angry in autumn and long fall", which cannot be understood according to normal grammatical logic in any case, then it can only be said to be "poet language". But this "poet's language" we also have to put in quotation marks.
What is a poet's language? The poet's language is the structure of the language that breaks the ordinary grammar, reorganizes the text for the sake of form, and creates a poetic mood.
From this point of view, this sentence seems to be true, and there is a fourth sentence "there is no sun and moon three people with the same day and moon", which is actually "the sun and the moon without three people" - the author inverts the "sun and moon" and "peer" in order to be flat, which we know at a glance, because the "poet's language" is a small change made under the necessary circumstances, to the standard that most people can read and understand.
From this point of view, the fourth sentence can be said to be a poet's language, and this third sentence is a bit excessive, because no matter how I disassemble and reorganize, I can't combine "angry autumn and long fall" into a smooth sentence - it may be in the poet's mind, but most readers can't read it, isn't it finished? Something that goes beyond most readers cannot be called a standard.
This is the poet's language of the author's own person, I can't understand what you consulted, as one of the majority of people, do you expect other readers to understand what you say?
To be honest, my understanding is that it is a combination of imagery of words, guessed out, I remember a joke as shown below.
Yes, that's how I understand your poem, at least in this third sentence, that's how I explain it. So, it's perfectly normal to misunderstand, and you can't blame me.
To be honest, if it weren't for counseling, I wouldn't have wasted my brain cells thinking about it, because there was no need.
Because of this, absolutely no one will like to read your poem, and everyone will at most politely like it, not puncture it.
You can't blame the reader, it's the poet's fault, you shouldn't organize the text that way.
When we write poetry, don't be afraid of simplicity, but be afraid that others can't understand it - only if everyone understands, you have a market, others will be interested in exploring the true meaning behind your words, and someone will really read you, empathize with you, become your loyal reader, friend, until you become a confidant.
Only then will your poems make sense.
This truth was told to us by Bai Juyi a thousand years ago.
Don't ask me how to revise, changing a sentence smoothly is a middle and high school level problem.
Don't let the writing fall apart for the sake of a peaceful relationship.
The relationship between the two is the rule of rhythm, in order to read clearly, the logic of the text is the direction of thinking, and it is for the reader to think smoothly - only when both are ironed, can your work be able to narrate the content, create an artistic mood, and express emotions.
The second five laws are relatively less problematic, why? Is the credit for the title. Because the poet writes that this is the feeling after reading Su Shi's "Jiang Chengzi", then in the case of ideological preparation, the reader will decompose your work through the imagery and techniques in Su Shi's "Ten Years of Life and Death", so that your work becomes easy to understand - this does not mean that your work is really easy to understand.
I remember that when I commented on the poetry conference judges' collection of Su Shi sentences to make up poems, I said that it was the beauty of Su Shi's words, and it had nothing to do with the sentence collectors.
Although this five laws does not borrow Su Shi's words, it will naturally let the reader understand from the thoughts of "Jiang Chengzi" and make the work relatively easy to straighten out.
And the third seven-piece "Remember what you see under the rain" should be the smoothest work in writing, at least we can see what the poet is talking about - only by understanding can we judge good or bad.
After reading this poem, the reader will understand the feeling of looking at the mountain after the rain and feeling of nothingness in his heart, and I believe that this is also the mentality of the poet at that time. That is to say, this work is relatively good in emotional expression, and successfully conveys the author's emotions to me. Whether there is empathy depends on whether the reader has the same experience and emotional touch, and if so, then there will be resonance.
At least I did feel this way yesterday before eating at the top of Qinghan Mountain, looking out over the railing.
You see, when your work has completed the task of expression, then the responsibility of reading the poem is borne by the reader, and unlike the first seven masterpieces, people have no interest in reading it.
Like intestinal obstruction, people do not want to read, is the poet's problem, easy to read but can not understand, that is the reader's problem.
Of course, this work is also problematic, not as smooth as the flow of water. I'm just saying that relatively speaking, this seven is definitely the best to read and understand in three works.
What's the problem?
Musically speaking, the two words in the most mixed Pingshui rhyme "thirteen yuan" part that are now completely non-rhyming are used: "trace", "en", "noise", and "uan". Isn't writing poetry a show of learning? Of course, people with knowledge of Pingshui rhyme know that this is the same rhyme part, but will they read it with pingshui rhyme pronunciation? Isn't it like most people that don't rhyme?
Although I know you rhyme, I read it and don't rhyme – why?
Poetry is a chanting body, and the ultimate purpose is to read it, not to write it for people to see, and even if it is written for people to see, it is also to be chanted. Who is your work for? Most of them are not ordinary people, friends? Why?
I have repeatedly emphasized in the Column of Grammatical Poetry that the purpose of our study of Pingshui rhyme is to appreciate the works of the ancients, not to create. Because poetry is meant to be read out and communicated with people, not to become a dumb poem that can only be read and cannot be read - we joke that modern poetry is dumb poetry, so how can we make our ancient poetry works become one of them?
We must reflect our own level, then when choosing rhyme feet, we prefer to write poetry with rhymes that rhyme in the flat water rhyme and the new rhyme, rather than deliberately using the words that rhyme part away to show our knowledge level - flat water rhyme is really not a difficult knowledge, because it is not practical to become unpopular, and it will not appear superior because it is unpopular.
This misunderstanding of beginners, we must break it.
Appreciating the use of pingshui rhymes in ancient poems is to read them, and the creation of ancient poems, but the use of pingshui rhymes, so that people can't understand, isn't it the end of the book?
Of course, this is purely a hole in the view, if the poet can't think straight, it doesn't matter if he doesn't listen.
Then don't blame many friends who read your work and will have doubts, how not to rhyme? Even if you have the patience to explain them one by one, people will only think that you are just a bit pretentious - and you are not participating in the Pingshui Rhyme Poetry Contest, why bother?
In addition to this problem, the same first and last words "close", and "trace" in today's pronunciation under the rhyme, of course, you can also look down on this statement, flat water rhymes do not collide ah? Then I don't have anything to say, the reason has been discussed before.
In fact, the rules of the grammar have nothing to do with what rhyme, they are all in order to serve the clarity and smoothness of the poems, and they can use any rhyme.
If the people of the Tang Dynasty want to know that Liu Yuan's nearly two hundred rhymes have been reduced to one hundred and six Pingshui rhymes, should they also be distressed? Since the ancients could accept the simplification of pingshui rhyme, why do many of us not accept the change of the new rhyme until now?
Some things are to be changed.
In terms of content, "merchant" refers to the pawn of the peddler, why is "piece" used here? Is it a metaphor for falling leaves? This is also where I think this work can be discussed.
There is no need to modify, in fact, the author's level is there, but there are certain cognitive problems in writing ancient poems.
In fact, he belongs to the rules, inspirational authors, if you listen to my opinion, adjust these small poems, it is a very simple thing.
But if you can't listen to it, then my opinions are all noisy nonsense.
Personally, I don't like to hear it, but I still hope to see progress.
Best wishes, the above is the reply.