Fat Rice, who grew up day by day, always asked me such a question: Mom, what was it like when I was young?
So, I began to think hollowly, trying to find some interesting stories from the vague memories and tell them to her.
For example, she goes out for a walk at night, treats the moon as a friend, and always feels that wherever she goes, the moon will go over the mountains to find her, and always follow her;
She called her boots a pick (a garbage dump in the northeast) and a cave as a cave mountain, and made a lot of jokes;
For example, she wiped the floor all over the room with her stinky socks, pointed to the book and read blindly.
To be honest, I can't remember many of the details of growing up, and even most of them are only remembered after flipping through videos.
However, looking at FatMi's expectant eyes, I am still trying to think hard, hoping to remember more stories.
We sometimes talked while walking, sometimes lying in bed and talking, most of the things she herself did not remember, but listening to it was very refreshing and very novel.
It also suddenly reminded me of a story, and I wanted to talk to her about what happened before she was born.
01. Every child was once an angel in the sky looking for his mother
I once saw in a book that every child, before birth, is a cute little angel in the sky, and they lie on the clouds every day to find their mother.
They keep looking, they keep looking, until they see a favorite mom, they will give up everything and throw themselves into the arms of mom.
It's just that God didn't allow them to leave so easily, and tied a rope to the tail of each little angel, and with the rope tied to it, they couldn't easily break free.
As a result, some of the little angels did not have enough strength to fail, and all the successful angels used all their strength, pulled out their tails, and endured intense pain to come to the world.
So, every newborn child has some bruises on their butt eggs, and they cry loudly, but they are extremely attached to their mother's arms.
I thought this story was very beautiful, and told it to FatMi, but I didn't expect her to like it very much, and I also made up a lot of stories about the little angel in her mind and told it to me.
She said, "Mom, do you know, our little angels are having a great time in heaven, and every day we all play games together, sing and dance together happily.
In the sky, we eat clouds, and the clouds are really delicious, cold and sweet.
And each cloud has a different taste and is really delicious!
But we still want to be able to come down to mom, because mom is the best.
She said: Mom, when I was in heaven, I often played with two little boys, and we would all seriously look for my mother.
Later, I found you first, so I quickly ran down to find you, but I didn't expect that the two of them also found the eldest aunt and the second aunt, and also came to our house and became my younger brother.
She said: Mom, do you know that in the sky, each of our little angels has their own pet, and they follow us every day, only loyal to their owners.
But if we come down to find our mothers, there is no way to bring them down, so they can only stay in heaven.
I have a fox pet, very beautiful and also very smart, and I miss it a lot.
I was really touched that she liked this story about the little angel, but what was even more touching was the story she told me about this love.
02. They give everything they have, but we always love with conditions
As the children grow older, we can't seem to remember what they looked like when they were born, and we really want to hug such a small body and kiss such a fat face again.
In the conversation with Fatmi, I knew that when she was a little angel in heaven, she had friends, pets, and her own preferences and pleasures.
However, when they find their mother, they have to give up all this, and even endure the pain of being pulled out of their tails and come to the human world.
Professor Li Meijin once said: Children between birth and 3 years old, is the most insecure stage, this time is their emotional attachment to their mother, in their hearts, the mother is all of them.
There was once a video of some children and their own mothers and asking them to rate each other separately.
The first to air is that moms rate their children, usually at 7, 5, 8 or even lower.
The mother's reason is that he is too picky to eat any vegetables! She cries 5 or 6 times a day! He couldn't hear me all the time!
In the eyes of mothers, if their children correct it in some aspects, it is better, there is still a lot of room for improvement, there are still many shortcomings and deficiencies!
The camera turns to the children, and their answers are surprisingly consistent: 10 points! 10 points! 10 points! 10 points!! 10,000 !!!
They said: I like my mother the most, she often plays with me! I love cuddling with my mom every day! Mom cooked for me to eat very hard! I don't want my mom to get old, I want to take care of her!
Many mothers can't stop the tears after seeing the video.
At the end of the video, a passage is typed on the screen that seems to hit the heart of every mother: If you do it again, how many points will you give your child?
There are also too many such videos abroad that blindfold children and look for their own moms in a group of moms.
As a result, no child made a mistake, and they successfully found their mother by touching their mother's hand, hugging their mother, feeling the smell of their mother, and so on.
We always say that mothers are great, and that greatness lies in the deepest love for young children.
But in fact, our love is always full of strings attached to the love of our children.
How could I like you if you were so unruly? You always don't study seriously how can I love you more? I don't want you anymore if you fool around like this!"
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said that it is not enough to just love children. We must also love unconditionally, and we must love themselves, not what they do.
Wise parents know how to give their children enough trust and encouragement, and they are learning to give their children the most sincere love unconditionally as they love us.
We don't love them because they're pretty, and we shouldn't love them more because they get good grades.
They are our children, and just because of this, it is enough for us to love them with all our strength for the rest of our lives.
03. There are no bad boys in the world, it's just that we are not used to seeing him good
In fact, when we were first parents, we would love our children unconditionally, because at that time, in our eyes, they were cute and helpless little babies.
We will always cooperate with the baby's schedule when we are already tired, and pay a lot of time and energy for them.
In the face of their crying, we can also understand their needs for the first time.
Even if they don't speak sometimes, we can still give them the greatest encouragement and trust.
In the early days of life, we tacitly engage in the most intense, wordless conversations with our babies.
We always find that there is a special connection between ourselves and the baby, even if the baby can't speak, we can already understand each other's meaning very well, and we are having the most loving conversations in the world every day.
Baby asks: Are you there? My dear mom.
Mom replied: I am.
Baby asks: Am I still the most important person in your life?
Mom replied: Yes.
Baby asked: I just want to confirm.
Mom replied: I understand, no problem~
However, I don't know when it started, our child grew up slowly, and our love for him began to mix a lot of added value.
We were happy that they had scored 100 points, that they had won awards, that they had been praised by teachers at school, or that they had a good meal and brushed their teeth.
But they are rarely happy and proud just because they are our children.
We gradually forget the joy they brought to the family at the beginning of life, and all we see is the bad parent-child relationship, disobedient children, and complicated learning tasks.
But educators say: There are no bad children in this world, only parents who can't educate.
All problems in children are caused by family education and long-term growth environment.
The "Three Character Classic" more than 700 years ago also tells us that at the beginning of man, nature is good, sex is similar, and habits are far away.
04. Please be the most trusted parent of your child
Many times, we say to the child: don't be afraid, you just have to try to move forward, your parents will always be behind you to protect you and help you, no matter what difficulties you encounter, as long as you turn back, we are here to support you.
In fact, when there is a real problem, there are very few parents who can unconditionally trust their children.
We are loving parents when we are not in trouble, and when we encounter problems, we turn around and question our children as soon as we encounter problems.
Those children who have been suppressed by their parents for a long time are often unconfident and even inferior in their hearts.
When they encounter problems, the first thing they believe in is not themselves, they habitually start their own other way of survival, that is, they feel their own powerlessness in the face of difficulties, and even the psychological state of self-abandonment.
This behavior, known in child psychology as "learned helplessness," is the most direct way for children to escape from difficulties that are gradually formed in the process of experiencing failure and distrust, which ultimately leads to denial and lack of love for themselves.
As parents, we may not be able to change all our thoughts and behaviors at once, but at the very least we must try to learn from our children.
In the new year, let's try to let go of all the prejudices they have had in the past and give them the best 100 points from the hearts of moms and dads!
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