Love and kindness can activate the driving force of children

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Hailan Happy Home 2022 17th practice story

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1

This morning, my son who lives in the school called me and said: "My mother transferred 100 yuan to me, I want to buy milk, maybe 100 yuan is not enough, but also transfer 50 yuan, and then look at it." ”

After he finished speaking, I had a sentence about to gush out: "Don't use this money to charge the game!" I immediately wanted to say it to my son.

When I realized that I was the same as before, I immediately shut my mouth.

If he really wants to charge, I will not say this sentence to play the slightest role, he will not listen;

If he doesn't charge, I don't have to say.

Because I have said it many times before, it makes him feel impatient and uncomfortable, and I might as well not say it.

Charge or not charge or have to control himself, such a big child, he should know how to deal with it.

Moreover, children are in their second year of high school, and they should have the freedom to decide what to buy or what to do.

So, I didn't say.

When I turned the money over, within a minute, he took it.

I saw that he took the money and didn't say anything, and it was a little uncomfortable.

I suddenly wanted to say, "You know how to take money, you don't know how to ask Your Parents if they are doing well?" ”

Realizing that this was actually a complaint, I didn't say it, because it was useless to say it, and I had said it many times before.

After a while, he called me again and said, "Mom, transfer me another 20 yuan." ”

I didn't say anything about transferring 20 yuan to him, he still collected the money and didn't say anything.

2

If it had been before, I would have definitely called him to teach him a few words, "You know you want money."

But today, I didn't.

I think it's not easy for children, all day long in school, high school life is so intense, when it's time to rest, I want to go out and buy something.

Isn't that how I read?

I don't know why I suddenly saw him.

About 10 minutes later, my son called again and said, "Mom, what are you doing?" Are you okay? What is my sister doing, is my sister okay? You give the phone to my sister, and I talk to my sister. ”

I was surprised at that moment, something I had often asked him for before, and he had never done it.

This time I didn't ask him, he did it, and he was very happy.

If it was before, the development of this matter is basically like this:

Me: "You're asking for money again, you don't want to use it to charge the game." ”

My son replied to me impatiently, "I know."

Me: "You know you want money, you don't know how to ask your parents if they are in good health?" Is the family okay, is the sister okay? ”

The son was even more impatient: "Oh, I know. ”

Today, I found this pattern that has been circulating but has not worked, so I decisively cut it off.

When I cut off this useless pattern, I had an unexpected gain.

Before, he wouldn't have called to greet us at all, let alone call his sister. Even if he was forced to ask for it, he was particularly impatient to speak.

Today, he took the initiative to greet us, took the initiative to chat with his sister, and talked with his sister for a long time, until his sister took the initiative to say that she did not want to say it, and his son gave me the phone.

As Dr. Hailan said: "Children understand the truth, and if you want him to act, you still have to rely on love and kindness." ”

Although this is a very small and small thing, my touch is very big.

When you respect the child, understand the child, and respond to the child with love and kindness, the child will naturally respond to you with love and kindness, not demand.

In short, the mother has changed, the child has changed!

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Author: Hailan Happy Family student Zi Yuan

Editor: Wang Li

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