Blue letter attention, top star, heart shine!
Human beings always seek advantage and avoid harm, like beautiful things, and avoid things that hurt themselves, but real life is often the opposite.
Obviously you feel that you deserve a partner who treats you well, but you always fall in love with someone who makes you miserable...
I obviously feel that I deserve to be appreciated by the leader, but in the end I always seem to receive all kinds of scolding...
I know that I need to go to bed early and get up early, which deserves a healthier state, but I always can't help but go to bed late...
It seems that on the surface I feel that I deserve to be beautiful, but the reality always experiences the opposite thing, and this state is really painful even for 'Ming'
From childhood, I was indoctrinated by my parents to be sensible, to obey, to trouble others less, to be aggrieved by myself, but also to take care of other people's children, there are many careful grievances and hidden tolerance, which hides a deep sense of unworthiness behind it:
If I reject him, will he have a bad opinion of me?
Can't add trouble to others, otherwise it's not polite enough...
Can't refuse others, can't add trouble to others, and then constantly wronged themselves, as if they can get the attention of others, and after a long time, they will become more and more depressed, and even forget how to express their needs.
When we can't reasonably see our own needs, express our emotional needs and are not met, various self-protection mechanisms begin to start:
We are either angry, complain or pretend that we don't need it, through the constant hypocritical strength to protect the inner fragility, under the protection mechanism with the sense of unworthiness as the main driving force, it seems that we really verify the restrictive concepts of 'I am not worth caring about', 'I am not worthy of love', and slowly lose some of the vitality of life.
Many people are eager to break through the cycle of 'unworthiness'; but in a sense, the sense of unworthiness is good for you on the subconscious level, so you will repeat this cycle again and again.
You may find it very surprising – it's good for you not to feel worthy!!
To give you a better understanding, let me tell you a story.
I once had a client who was a very good young man, and although he felt that he deserved better career development and more money, whenever he wanted to make a big show, start a career, and get more returns on investment, there would always be something happening; either his business partner betrayed him, opened another stove with others, and betrayed his faith, or it was an economic crisis, and his investment suffered a huge loss.
With the deepening of the consultation, the secret was slowly revealed, it turned out that the visitor's father died of illness when he was in college, and his father often complained to his family before his death: "I have paid so much attention to maintenance and exercise, why am I sick?" Am I so unworthy of a good life? ”
At that time, his father's physical and mental discomfort could be imagined, and as a college student at that time, as the only son, even if he tried to take care of his father with his mother, even if he did not delay his studies at a prestigious school, he always felt that he was not good enough somewhere.
In the past, he did not realize what kind of influence the belief from his father when he was seriously ill had on him, but in the continuous exploration, he realized more deeply: the cycle of not worthy of a better career that he had attracted and created seemed to be to follow his deceased father, to express to his father: "I miss you very much, I am very reluctant to leave you, and even feel that my father died because of him..." This force has always existed very hiddenly.
In this part of his life experience, on the one hand, he wanted to break through himself and start a career, and on the other hand, he could not control his self-destruction.
In other words, although intellectually he was very eager to break through, to make his career leap forward, to deserve more success, to the abundance of money; subconsciously he did not believe that he deserved such a good career. Because if he deserves success, it is inconsistent with the expression that the pain before his father's death is not worth it, which means that he does not need to take responsibility for his father's death.
But in fact. The death of his father was uncontrollable or changeable, and so it happened; for a moment the wonderful young man suddenly realized that he was trying to mourn and remember his father through the repetitive circle of money in his career. From the perspective of emotional attachment, he always has an inseparable feeling for his father, and even the death of his father is because he is not good enough, so he himself is not worthy of beauty, this painful but twisted blame, so that he will repeat a strange circle in his career to punish himself.
When he understands the dynamics of this layer, this unworthy Caton suddenly becomes enlightened. He finally understood that he did not need to punish his present self with past experience, and that he could no longer try to mourn his father in a self-hurting way that was not worth having good; even if his father died of illness and was very reluctant, he had tried his best to do all he could, and he had done his best to filial piety to his father; after that, the visitor's life began a new stage...
This reminds each of us to realize that sometimes, we try to create a happy life for ourselves, but we refuse to agree that we deserve it, and this contradiction is universal.
These 'unworthy' ideas may stem from early childhood experiences, or from important events in life, so much so that we lose sight of our true selves.
In other words, what are the possible benefits of not being worthy for us? It is so that we can remember the past, live in the links related to important people and things in the past, maintain that emotional connection, and retain a relationship that has been lost.
So how can each of us improve our sense of worthiness?
Willing to respect yourself is an important beginning, whether you have ever received praise from your parents, but at least in this moment, please realize that everyone who comes to this world must have a shining point, and you are important at this moment;
Human beings are eager to be affirmed on the psychological level, although we are not perfect, but it is this imperfection that makes you and me have a lot of room to grow.
Calm down and think about it, what kind of life do you want? Do you think you deserve to have such a life? What are the rules of your birth family about everything you dream of living in? Is there anything you feel particularly wanted, but you don't feel worth having?
These questions are to remind each of us that many times we are using memories of the past to bind our present selves, and we seem to subconsciously always look for evidence to explain: You see I didn't do this in the past, so I can't do it now; It is as if we have become tyrants who bind ourselves, forgetting that we can untie the rope and activate the new power.
The core of improving the sense of worthiness lies in the adjustment of the inner state. If our hearts are willing to realize: Why do I have to be worthy of the good? Then your attention will begin to adjust to focus on the resources you have, and to manage your power inward.
The more open you are within, the more you will be able to allow yourself to link the solutions behind 'Why I must be worth having good', and naturally your reason, your emotions, your actions, will continue to find a path towards the sense of worthiness.
Every subject has its own task, its own nature and deadline, and what we need to do is to be aware of the 'sense of unworthiness', to realize that although people will be temporarily affected by certain past experiences, as long as we try to move forward, we can break through the shackles little by little.
"I deserve" is because we subconsciously believe that the universe has given us the right to deserve all the good, which is our innate potential that everyone can develop and activate.
You are you, and no matter what your strengths and weaknesses, you deserve to be beautiful; whether you are healthy or sick, beautiful or ugly, intelligent or stupid, the universe will always give you the right to deserve the good.
Under such an intrinsically rich and firm basic conception, the sense of worthiness can be continuously amplified.