It may be a bit silly to say, I like to have a "friend" for many years.
But he never saw me as a girl, and every time they met, they ran over and shouted "brother".
The most bizarre one was when I met my mom on my way out of school, and he said to him directly, "This is my buddy."
Although he knew that he didn't think much of me, it was still super embarrassing to hear him say this.
But he can only laugh and echo it, and then hide the inner turmoil with exaggerated body language:
Friendship is friendship, at least acknowledging that there is affection between us.
At that time, he really seemed to think of me as a dead party.
There are girls who like it, they will discuss with me for the first time how to accurately "take it"; when they encounter the yellow paragraph of the ten-level connotation, they can't wait to share it.
When I was in love, I helped him choose a gift for the titular "sister-in-law"; when I fell out of love, he pulled me to stay up late to listen to Beyond's "Cold Rainy Night".
"I am by your side on a cold and rainy night, and I hope you will know, but I will know my heart."
The same lyrics, what he heard was the feeling that could not be turned back, and what I heard was the cowardice that could not reveal his heart.
Yes, for many years, I watched him talk about points, and then talked, but he never had the courage to confess.
It wasn't until last Chinese New Year's Eve, as soon as the song "Unforgettable Tonight" passed, he suddenly sent me a WeChat, "Or let's try it."
He said that when he had dinner with his brother, he said that he should cherish the person in front of him, and the person in front of him in his mind was me, who had always been with me.
Thus, from friends to lovers.
But what I didn't expect was that after only a month, we broke up.
It's like encountering unsatisfactory water and soil, and there is no consensus on what to say and do.
The tacit understanding cultivated over the years seems to have collapsed overnight, and it is always speculative and often disagrees.
He accused me of being less generous than before, of becoming particularly clingy, and of getting angry because he looked at other girls more.
And he also seems to have surpassed the "dashing and uninhibited" I imagined, becoming lazy and playful, making people feel insecure.
Gradually, he began to dislike me for managing the east and the west, and I kept complaining that he was playing too hard.
We can no longer chat recklessly, and in the end we can only end this difficult journey with a breakup.
Looking back now, we really haven't changed anything, and we haven't stopped cherishing it because we got it.
It's just that when the roles change, a reality that can't be ignored is put in front of you:
In fact, we are not the same as the other party thinks.
In friendship, we can tolerate each other infinitely, as if any shortcomings can be accepted.
But love doesn't, it needs more details to nourish.
As the saying goes:
"Friendship does not have to tolerate everything about the other party for a long time, but love must include everything about the other party to be long-lasting."
Talking as a friend does not mean that you can get along very well as a lover.
Don't dare to be a lover, and don't want to be a friend, which is probably the true feeling of many so-called "friends" in their hearts.
So, always trying to take another step, always trying to find an opportunity to get closer.
But in this ambiguous state of mind, it is easy to overlook a problem:
Do you really like him as a person, or do you just like the feeling of being with him?
This reminds me of a story from the second season of Modern Love.
From childhood to adulthood, girls silently like a boy, but they did not develop further until they went to college.
But after they were together, she found that the boy was not happy, and she did not have the excitement after her wish was fulfilled.
Years later, the girl let go of this impossible love and chose a friendship that made her comfortable.
She said she wanted an ending that she had always spent her life with him.
And those who can spend their lives together are not just lovers;
Cherish the way of the person in front of you, and it is not only about achieving love.
If we're not sure if it's appropriate to be a lover, then the friend's state seems to be pretty good.
Unfortunately, it is difficult to have a perfect ending in the movie in reality, so it will make people regret it if they miss it.
After the breakup, my "friend" and I never said a word in private.
In this way, we became "zombie fans" on each other's communication lists.
Unfortunately, I lost my lover and a friend at the same time.
Think of Lin Wanyu's words in "The Love I Didn't Talk About":
The love I didn't talk about, the sketch of the story was being revised all the time, it didn't happen, and it didn't need to be destroyed. "
I, on the other hand, lost the opportunity to modify the sketch forever.
Therefore, I hope that everyone will not easily treat friends as lovers.
I don't want you to be like me, with a lifetime of friendship, only for a fleeting "love".
Hide your love in your heart and find out when you have time.