In the "Dyeing Flower Collection", it is said:
"The floating world is noisy and dusty. If people cannot restrain themselves and hold a clear mind, they are bound to become blind sooner or later. ”
If a person does not know how to restrain himself, it is easy to grasp the boundaries of speech and deeds, which will only increase his troubles.
Things are changing, complicated, and inextricably linked, and we can do too much.
The best state of life is to be able to restrain yourself in everything and move in and out.
Really smart people know not to ask, not to think, not to say.
The writer Hemingway once said: It took us two years to learn to speak, but we have to spend our whole lives learning to shut up.
People are floating in the world, gushing is instinctive, and not saying much is wisdom.
I once read a short article where the author complained about the beginning and end of deleting WeChat friends.
Once she sent a few photos of her husband holding a child, with the daily life of a pig teammate with a baby.
Originally it was to record life, many people left messages and likes, but unexpectedly an old friend who had not been in contact for a long time actually replied to a small short article.
The gist is that the father of the child does not often bring the baby, so holding the child is not good for the child's development.
Don't be so happy just because Dad brings the child once in a while, it's what Dad should do, and so on.
She was speechless for a moment and only replied with a smile.
Another time was the Mid-Autumn Festival, and she shared a somewhat sad song, and the man commented again:
Adults should learn to digest emotions, do not feel that the sky is about to collapse with a small matter, really can not solve, you can find her help.
One of the more infuriating times was that she forwarded a beautiful text.
The other party actually wrote that the feeling was useless, the key was to take action, and Barabala wrote hundreds of words.
In desperation, she deleted the man.
There are always some people who don't stop talking about anything to show their "talent".
As everyone knows, unbridled speech again and again is precisely the result of being clever and being mistaken by cleverness, and ending up being bored by others.
The Tao Te Ching says, "It is better to be poor in words than to keep the middle." ”
Those who talk incessantly will always fall into a dilemma, and we should learn to restrain ourselves.
Really smart people know how not to talk much.
They can always see through the difficulties of others and use appropriate expressions to get people through difficulties.
They can also take care of the faces of others and use the most suitable way to make people retreat.
Seeing through and not saying broken, seeing through without saying wear, is the practice of really smart people.
Every New Year, young people have the trouble of going home, if you ask what is the most annoying?
The most frequent answer is that of a relative who has no sense of proportion.
They often urge others to get married and have children, have a second or third child, or complain about other people's work.
The most unacceptable thing is that they break the spirit of the casserole to ask the end, leaving people exhausted.
But in fact, everyone has their own rhythm of life, but also face their own different situations, some people encounter sudden anxiety, and some people are being accidentally wrapped up.
They need more time and space to digest.
Overly root-seeking cross-examination is often annoying.
Some people say that the really comfortable relationship is not that I ask everything about you, but that you can pull me to accompany you at any time.
This is true for relatives and friends, and it is also true for couples.
In the movie "Brad's Midlife Crisis", Brad lies in bed and can't sleep.
His only employee had resigned, and some time ago, at a party, he found that many of his classmates were more successful than himself.
Some people have become directors, and some people have money and leisure after retiring at the age of 40.
Although he ran a company, he did not improve at all, and even began to plan the inheritance of his wife's parents.
After observing her husband's situation, the wife did not interrogate him too much, but gently encouraged him:
"I love you, everything will be fine."
Later, Brad finally adjusted, and he was very grateful that his wife did not ask questions at that time.
Everyone has a helplessness that cannot be expressed, even if it is a close couple, it is difficult to feel empathy.
Really smart people have always known how not to ask too many questions.
As the writer Zhou Guoping said:
A sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to observe the necessary distance between people, and this distance means respect for the other person as an independent personality.
They are willing to give each other space to digest alone and retain decency;
I also know how to stay for a while to let the other party have the courage to face it and have dignity.
Too much to ask, not indifference, but respect.
A truly long-lasting relationship must also be based on respect and have a tacit understanding of not asking more questions.
I watched a short video where the protagonist told a story of his own mental journey.
Once she took a taxi out, and when she got into the car, she somehow closed the door with great force, so loud that the driver master glanced back.
She suddenly wondered if the driver would have an opinion about herself, but she clearly did not mean it.
She secretly regretted it in her heart, and it was better to be careful when closing the door.
The car was speeding on the road, a sharp brake, or a sigh from the driver, she followed the tightness of her heart, thinking that the driver was expressing dissatisfaction.
When I was about to get to the place, the driver began to speak: I see that you have a lot of things, I drive into the community, you can save some effort.
At this time, she was suddenly relieved, and the inner drama along the way seemed to be that she had thought too much.
There's a comment below that has the most likes, writing: It's like turning on a camera in my life.
Many of us may have had similar experiences, sometimes worrying that others have an opinion of themselves, and sometimes worrying that others have emotions.
Too much thought in the heart not only consumes our experience, but also affects daily life, from sesame garlic skin to marriage career.
According to a data survey, 80% of the problems that cause people to be troubled come from thinking too much.
Just like it is written in "Cai Gen Tan": Fu Mo Fu is less than a few things, and misfortune is more than a heart.
People are happy to be free of chores, and many of the plagues are often due to thinking too much.
Really smart people have long learned that the heart does not think much.
They know that everyone has their own life, there is not so much time to pay attention to other people's trivialities, and they also understand that even if a person is good, he cannot make everyone like, rather than this, it is better to be yourself.
Because of this, they are able to restrain their wild thoughts and focus on what they really want to do and what is important.
If you don't think about those that you can't control, you won't add to the trouble.
Only by focusing on the things that can be influenced can we reap the results.
Do your own thing with peace of mind, and you will live your life!
It is often said that when you are in a group, keep your mouth open, and when you are alone, you keep your heart.
Truly intelligent people have long learned to restrain themselves.
Without further ado, it is not interfering with the wisdom of others.
Not asking too much is the quality of giving people respect.
The mind does not think much, it is the ability to leave space to cross oneself.
Nietzsche once said that as long as a wise man can master himself, he will lose nothing.
People who can exercise restraint in thinking about these trivial matters in words and deeds have enough ability to control the whole life.
May we all be able to start small and become better selves!
The author | Wei Lan
The anchor | Jennings, the world is so noisy, I would like to give you the peace of mind of this moment with your voice.
Pictures | Visual China