"Gu Ailing" You can't learn, uncover the biggest gap between elite families and ordinary families...

18-year-old girl Gu Ailing Olympic gold, genius, princess, daughter of the chosen, daughter of the nation... The media and netizens did not hesitate to praise, and some even suggested that February 8 be designated as "Gu Ai Ling Day" to express their love for the girl who had just turned 18... Some people also began to dig deep into the reasons behind Gu Ailing's success, wanting to see what kind of family cultivated such an excellent "other people's children", a search to know that this time is the victory of the elite, is the result of excellent genetic superposition... So sighed: the chicken baby is not as good as the chicken itself!

Or rationally from the perspective of family parenting, why can't we teach children like "Gu Ailing"? Or if we teach Gu Ailing, can she still become the "Gu Ailing" she is today? If not, what's the problem?

In order to write this article, I read several reports on Gu Ailing from different angles, and probably got to the point that determined her success, just three words: self-driving force.

Gu Ailing, like most of our children, went to olympic math cram school, learned piano, learned dance, learned to draw, played basketball, learned to ski... The difference behind it is that Gu Ailing has self-drive, she is under the self-drive to decide to insist and give up, and the vast majority of our children in the growth process is not "self-driving", driven by parents, teachers and social evaluation...

Without experimenting with children, we can recall our own childhood, if we don't have to go to school, no homework, parents are not at home... What will we do? Play, watch TV, run out to find friends... Even some people will be overwhelmed, because without external drive, we become a car without thrust, and we have no power ourselves, and we can only stop there and spin around...

Of course, in addition to "Gu Ailing", there are also some children who have self-driving force, think about it, on the track of chicken baby, some children have both self-driving force and external assistance... Some children have self-drive, but no external help (we usually call precocious children)... Some children have no self-drive and have external assistance, but the direction of external assistance is not necessarily the same, and at the same time, children have a rebellious reaction force (this is the case for most chicken babies)... There is also a kind of neither self-driving force nor external assistance (lying flat)... In this way, the children of the four kinds of children who have self-driving and external assistance in the competition with clear rules (further education, sports competition, etc.) will win from the beginning to the end, and the more they win, the more they win...

Next, is this self-driving force innate or nurtured? First of all, the answer: self-driving force can be cultivated. The recognition and deliberate cultivation of self-motivation are the key factors in opening up the gap between elite families and ordinary families. Gu Ailing's mother estimated that Yan responded to Gu Ailing's gratitude on the self-media: Child, I don't need your thanks, everything you get is the result of your own efforts, I should thank you for it...

Let the children have their own goals and work hard for them, parents as a resource library and consultants, to provide enough help for the children, this is the success secret of "Gu Ailing"!

So why can't most families produce self-motivated children? The biggest reason is that we are not untutored, but over-disciplined... It's a sad fact that we've given our children too much discipline, too many rules, helped them make too many choices that should have been made by themselves, took on too many responsibilities that should have been faced by their children, and put too much pressure on them that shouldn't have been given to them... As a result, homework is done by parents, piano learning is learned by parents, and good test scores are given to parents... Everything has nothing to do with themselves, so where is the self-driving force?

If we learn parenting methods with elite families, what we should learn the most is: to be a consultant parent, to return the steering wheel of life to the children, to let them explore the methods on their own, we give suggestions, provide resources, and use their self-drive and our external help to help them achieve their own lives!