1. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into a shower.

1. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

2. One night I was drunk and took a taxi back to the Public Security Department, the fare was 18 yuan, 50 yuan for the driver, the driver saw that I was drunk, he looked for me 2 yuan, I was drunk and looked at the driver, the driver asked me: How much did you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, an hour later the driver cried, I thought I have time anyway, just in time to wake up in the car, the province's home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

3． Last month, a new flight attendant moved in next door to my house, and because of the frequent help, we were familiar with each other. Last night she knocked on my door after drinking too much and said to me, "I like you, are you my boyfriend?" I said, "I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend." The stewardess cried and said to me, "I don't believe it, you must have lied to me." "I pulled out my phone and asked her to look at my girlfriend's picture. The girl looked at her face reflected in the dark mobile phone screen and laughed. I took a look at my phone and said, "I'm sorry, the lock screen is up!" ”。。。。。

4． Practicing boxing in the boxing gym, the relationship with the master was very good, and this night we both wandered around the street. As I walked, the master suddenly stared at a girl and stopped, and I was feeling strange. The master suddenly blushed and said: I have finally found this mother-in-law, when I was in school, this guy often beat Lao Tzu to crouch in the corner of the wall and cry, and today I can finally take revenge! After saying that, despite my persuasion, he went up and dragged the girl's hair to a small alley. After the noise came, the master ran over with a gust of wind and shouted: Run, I still can't kill her, and the front teeth are all killed for me!

5． The brother-in-law and his sister were engaged and bought a new house in Tomson Yipin, which was 100,000 yuan. Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law transferred 100,000 yuan to her brother-in-law with Alipay the next day. So the brother-in-law bought a house of 1800,000, and also bought 2 large toy pigs wrapped in bamboo charcoal, and put them on the sofa to absorb formaldehyde. One day, Dad and Mom came to visit the house. The second elder sat on the sofa drinking tea, and his mother suddenly asked: "This new house has formaldehyde, have you put anything to suck it?" Need to buy greenery? The brother-in-law said without hesitation: "Yes, there are two pigs sitting on the sofa helping to take drugs..."

6． Using my father's credit card to tip a female anchor for ten consecutive days, a total of 820,000 yuan was spent, and the female anchor was finally impressed by me and became my girlfriend. That time I took the female anchor home, and the family was only my grandmother in her 90s. The 90-year-old grandmother was particularly happy and couldn't help but ask this and that. Her ears are not very good, and she speaks loudly. As the woman flipped through the family photo album, grandma pulled me aside. Then she shouted at me: Rest assured, I have taken off your picture with the woman before!

7. Summer vacation brother week, I am idle is about to mold. I picked up the thermometer on the table and clipped it under my armpit, only to slip my hand and shatter it. When my mother heard this, she asked: What's going on??? What was that??? I had a stroke of genius and said, "Mom, I have a fever, and the thermometers are all exploding." Only to see, the mother quickly flashed away five meters, said: You hurry to the hospital yourself, hurry up and !!!

8. Idle boredom high a female number, added buddy V letter. The more we talked, the more hi we were, and we sent him a group of beautiful photos, and the voice changer cooked the phone porridge. A few days later, saying that I was short of money, the goods called me 1314 three times, and then I threw away the number. The boy came to me for a drink in frustration, and we both drank so much that I accidentally told the truth. Later, we fell out!

9. When I was studying at Shandong University, there were often rats in our dormitory. Snacks in the dormitories are often stolen and there is nothing we can do about it. The boss of the dormitory bought sticky rat stickers online, and she asked me how to use things. I said: You open it and sprinkle some food in the middle of the rat sticker. Then the boss got some spicy strips and vegetarian meat, two rat stickers, one for my window head, one for the window tail. At three o'clock in the morning, I couldn't sleep when I smelled the fragrance...

10. I went to college in Jinan, my hometown is Shanxi, and my living expenses in January are 500 yuan. But today my kari suddenly turned into 1 million. Then I received a text message from my father: Son, I have discussed with your mother that I want to settle down abroad, and I am not ready to take care of you, so I will keep the money for you to spend. I want to cry without tears, are you really my biological parents?

#Funny# #年度搞笑名场面 #