Wen | Yuan's mother's parenting diary original, welcome to forward and share personally
Widowed parenting is a phenomenon in some families at present, mainly referring to the fact that one of the spouses in family education often "drops the line", resulting in significant deficiencies, especially the absence of the father is more common.
Children are two people, but I don't know when it started, fathers always avoid taking their babies for various reasons such as busy work, lack of time, and do not understand parenting, and then become "invisible people", and the reasons behind this are complex.
It may be that the work is really busy, or it may be that the elderly or wife in the family have too much to do, always feel that he is not doing well, and naturally do not want to take the baby for a long time, and even more is the lack of family responsibility at all.
How desperate is widowed parenting?
Wu Min in the urban emotional drama "Perfect Couple" is the real life state of many housewives, not only to carry their children alone, but also to face various trivial problems in life alone.
And her husband, Lin Qingkun, is busy with work all day and ignores things at home.
His son Jingjing was poisoned by food and went to the hospital, and Wu Min called Lin Qingkun after being busy alone, but the reply on the other end of the phone was turned off.
Even when his wife was preparing to sue the company that caused her son's poisoning, he pretended to go home to accompany his wife for his own future, but in fact to persuade her to sign a waiver agreement.
Absent-minded parenting by fathers is eating up most families, and champions have suffered the same way.
World champion Li Na once complained about her husband in the show: "I think I have three sons, and Jiang Shan is my eldest son."
Li Na said: Because of the epidemic, the family has to stay at home 24 hours a day, in addition to contracting all the housework, she also has to wait for her son's call at any time.
Especially when cooking, the two sons shouted "Mom" in the living room one after another, and she had no choice but to run out of the kitchen to see the situation.
Don't look good, a look at the gas does not call a place, the son is calling his mother at the same time, the husband Jiang Shan sat on the sofa without moving, crossed Erlang's legs leisurely playing with the mobile phone.
Li Na suppressed the anger in her heart and said patiently: "There are some things that my mother can do, and my father can actually help." But even if Li Na said it so obviously, Jiang Shan only moved his mouth - "listen to his mother's words", but did not take any action.
At that time, Li Na immediately went up, and joked: "I am glad that I put down the knife first because of reason, and then went to the living room."
It's easy on the surface, but it's actually pushing the family off a cliff
In fact, an ideal family, their living state should be: father loves mother, mother loves father, and then parents love children together, which is the "equilateral triangle" theory in psychology.
In a healthy family relationship, the three vertices of the triangle should be between mom and dad and the child, and the relationship between the three should be like an equilateral triangle, with equal emotional distance and the same angle.
Such relationships are as stable and balanced as a pyramid, which is very beneficial to the physical and mental health and growth of children.
But reality is bone-chilling, and many family relationships in life are deformed.
It is more common for fathers to wander outside the family relationship, and the feelings between mothers and children are too close. Of course, there are also a small number of families where the mother is outside the relationship, and the relationship between the father and the child is too close.
This is all a deformed family triangle relationship, the absence of parents is not taken seriously, resulting in the child having to make up for it, and finally leading to confusion in family roles, and the triangle relationship is completely destroyed.
Those "mommy boys" and controlling mothers all appeared in this way.
Two people's children alone, not only a deformed family relationship, from a macro point of view will also ruin the child's future.
Widowhood parenting is not conducive to children's mental health:
First, it is not conducive to the development of children's interpersonal skills
Through getting along with their parents, children learn interpersonal skills with the outside world in the future.
If his emotions are too inclined to any one of his parents, it will lead to psychological imbalances and even affect the choice of future spouses.
If the relationship between the son and the mother is relatively close, then the child will be weaker because of the lack of male role models, not only will not deal with the relationship with the same sex, but also will be unprincipled and bottomless tolerance of the opposite sex.
If the daughter is close to the mother, first of all, the relationship between mother and daughter will be more tense, the girl's personality is too strong, and when choosing another partner, due to the lack of father's love, it is likely to find a partner who is older and has the same or opposite personality as the father.
Second, affect the child's sense of security
When the parent-child relationship overrides the relationship between husband and wife, it will lead to endless family conflicts.
If the child grows up in a discordant family atmosphere, and because he is not good at expressing his thoughts and emotions in words, he can only suppress himself, and over time he will become inferior and timid, lack of security.
Once the love of parents is out of balance, it is their children who are hurt the most, and only when parents love each other and they love their children equally, it is conducive to the healthy growth of children, and we should understand this at any time.