Grow up with your child

Yesterday I talked to a friend late, and I felt a lot.

Friends have always considered themselves to be an enlightened mother, she said that in the past ten years, she has never beaten a child, always patiently reasoning with the child when things happen, hoping to get along with the child in harmony and grow up together.

But as the child entered junior high school, friends found that this set of "spring wind and rain" warm education method completely lost its effectiveness:

Sons who enter adolescence become more stubborn and stubborn, and they are no longer willing to communicate with their parents.

The friend's husband said that when teaching boys, you must be "bold" and not too pleasant, otherwise the children will not obey at all.

Last week, the child and her mouth, she was angry, and the child moved, and the result was that the two had been cold for several days.

On the one hand, she feels that she has become the most hated parent before; on the other hand, she feels that her children do not understand themselves and do not think about their parents.

In fact, think about it, many times, everyone will drill the tip of the horn, always feel that children are heartless and lungless, adults are good they can not see, a little two heavy words they will throw their faces, tantrums.

Parents naturally feel that their children are ignorant and filial piety, and have raised a white-eyed wolf.

One thing we just overlook is to think backwards from the child's point of view: Can my educational method really impress the child? Will they really listen?

Educator Rousseau said:

"The most useless form of education in the world is temper tantrums, reasoning, and self-motivation."

Don't forget, educating children is a two-way process.

Each child's personality, habits, and strengths are different, and the physical and mental characteristics of children at different ages are also different.

Therefore, parents cannot take it for granted that they can manage their children with a set of educational methods that they think are effective, but they must constantly adjust and adapt to the changes of their children.

01

Stop throwing tantrums for no reason.

Whether a child has a good relationship with his parents, just look at the personality of his parents.

The emotions of parents are the best feng shui for a family.

The child is like a small sapling, nourished by the sun breeze and the dew of the drizzle, and can naturally grow strong and healthy; if you live in the miserable wind and rain, lightning and thunder for a long time, you will never be able to grow into a towering tree.

Many parents' bad emotions come from the pressure of their own lives, and after returning home, they will vent their stomachs full of complaints and resentment on their children; some parents, who hold the belief of "strict teachers and high disciples" to educate their children, believe that strict training methods can create a tenacious will.

As everyone knows, if children are wrapped up in this atmosphere of "militarized management" all the time, it is difficult to bear.

In the future, they are either dull and depressed, or impulsive and prone to extremes, contrary to their parents' original intentions.

I watched a TV series a long time ago, in which a middle-aged couple quarreled, the husband yelled, you were so gentle and dignified before, how did it become like this now?

The wife sat in a chair and cried on the spot, saying that you are not me, you yourself have been working outside for many years and do not come home, you have not experienced the heartache of a person with two children to support this family, you will never understand, if our position is reversed, you may not be able to do better than me.

Indeed, no one is perfect, and it is impossible to completely suppress one's emotions, and everyone has a time when they are white-faced.

But we must know that educating children is not an overnight achievement.

It permeates every most everyday detail of life, and maybe your words can change the trajectory of your child's life.

Therefore, instead of condescending to the child, it is better to think about how to communicate with the child in order to solve the current problem.

It is certainly comfortable to vent negative emotions, but what about after you lose your temper?

In case the gap between the child and you grows deeper, it will not only not help solve the problem, but also have to clean up the bigger mess.

When I watched Hunan Satellite TV's parent-child program "After School" before, I had a deep memory of a scene.

The child lost his temper, the mother did not say anything, directly left the house, leaving the child alone in the house crying.

After about 5 minutes, the child's mood stabilized, and the mother came back to gently tell the child.

At this time, the child is also more able to listen to the mother's words, and also admits that his previous temper is not right, and the mother and son finally reached a consensus.

Such an approach is very worthy of our reference.

Many mothers told Lu Mom that they felt that their bad temper could not be changed.

But on the contrary, you feel that you can't change it because you preset psychological hints for yourself in advance, thinking that "that's it, you just can't change it."

Try to make some efforts, you will find that in fact, controlling emotions is really not as difficult as you think.

02

Stop endlessly being reasonable.

If you tell your child the truth 100 times, it is not as effective as letting them bear the consequences once.

Last year, egg egg went to primary school, may be from kindergarten to primary school is not very adaptable, homework he is always procrastinating and unwilling to complete, go home or watch TV first, or play with toys, read books, in short, is not willing to do homework.

I told my dad many times that she had agreed on a time, a reward, tried a lot of methods, and her mouth was worn out, but it was useless.

Later, I simply "broke the jar and broke it" and never mentioned the homework at all.

At night, egg eggs are watching cartoons again, and building blocks, and when it is time to go to bed, I see that I am not urging him as usual, and suddenly I cry, saying "Mom, why don't you urge me this time?"

I say:

Before the mother said that you are many times, but you just don't listen to it, your mother feels that your homework is your own, maybe you have a number in mind, or you don't give in to the teacher and will not criticize you, so the egg will have to arrange it yourself in the future.

As soon as I said this, he was even more anxious, and even said that I would still start doing it now, or tomorrow other children would be handed over, and I would not pay it, so what should I do?

I whispered in my heart: You finally know that you are in a hurry...

But on the surface, the wind and waves are still calm:

Well, do you think you can do it in half an hour? If you finish it early, you can go to bed early.

So, Egg Egg experienced the first "staying up late" in his life that day, and since then, he has never bothered us with homework.

I also saw a news before, a child stole two thousand yuan from his grandmother to play games, and after his parents knew, they decided to let him use the vacation time to pick up waste to make money and return it to his grandmother.

On weekends, his parents accompanied him to pick up scrap little by little and sell them to the recycling station.

This is the real patterned, visionary, and wise approach of parents.

The ancients still said that "on paper, you will eventually feel shallow, and you will never know that this matter must be done", if you want your child to know the taste of pears, you describe it a thousand times, it is better to take him to taste it yourself.

03

Give up being self-motivated anytime, anywhere.

I have seen a very heartfelt sentence:

"You think you're pouring your heart and lungs out of your child, but you're just self-absorbed."

In the popular TV series "Little Joy", Song Qian, played by Tao Hong, is a typical self-touching parent.

She broke her heart for the sake of her child's senior year of high school, in her own words:

"Am I easy to get up early and greedily buy you vegetables to cook and take care of your living?" Am I under little stress? ”

I'm your, right? Before dawn, I got up and steamed bird's nest for you, and I didn't even want to take a sip of it myself, what about you? Your mom isn't right about anything, right? ”

Just by looking at the pictures, we can feel the suffocation of the daughter in the play.

Similar words include:

"I've worked hard to raise you for eighteen years, do you know gratitude?" Do you know how to be considerate of me? ”

A handful of and a handful of urine raised you, how did you raise this white-eyed wolf?

Parents say this to emphasize how hard they have worked, paid so much, and can not be exchanged for their children's understanding and gratitude.

However, in such a way of forcibly "selling misery", it is impossible to exchange the child's touch.

The more you do this, the more distant your children are from you, and they will feel that their parents' kindness to them is conditional and demanding in return.

In this way, it will only lead to deeper and deeper generational gaps between parents and children, and even lead to more intense rebellious behaviors of children.

Being good to the child is the maintenance of family affection, the blood is thicker than water, the thoughtfulness and love from the heart, and I hope that he can grow into a better person, rather than using this as a bargaining chip to threaten and manipulate the child.

The process of educating children is also the process of our parents constantly striving to improve themselves