Author: Tian Xin
Source: Franklin Book Club
ID：FranklinReadingClub
Ability to control their emotions
Having emotions is instinctive, and controlling emotions is the skill.
In life or work, you must often meet people who are enslaved by emotions, even ourselves:
A momentary mood is unhappy, tantrums at the family, and the mouth does not choose words;
Because of the conflict of views, tit-for-tat confrontation with colleagues, the contradiction escalates;
"Princess disease" is rampant, encountering a little unhappiness, often making hysterical reactions.
There is no doubt that these are manifestations of psychological immaturity.
Psychology believes that a psychologically mature person must be able to control their emotions, they can accept and acknowledge all the good and bad emotions in life, reasonably digest or transform, and take a positive response.
Psychologically mature people know that it is not wise to throw tantrums at will, hurt others and hurt themselves.
Only by finding the fuse of bad emotions and working hard to solve them step by step is the best way to dissolve emotions.
Luo Ji Thinking co-founder DebuHua said:
Emotional management skills are not an emotional intelligence problem, but an IQ problem. Treating all emotional problems as a "task" and managing tasks is a high-level self-discipline behavior.
The more psychologically mature a person is, the more he knows how to control emotions is the most advanced self-discipline of a person.
Considered the most expensive course at West Point, "How Do You Train a Super Strong Heart" includes a passage that an adult can't control his emotions, and the consequences can be disastrous.
If you let emotions control your brain, you may lose the ability to think, judge, willpower, and solve problems.
You can be independent and excellent, but more calm and elegant.
No one likes to be with someone who will explode at any time in the next second, and success won't either.
Only by controlling your emotions can you dominate your life.
Knowing that giving doesn't necessarily pay off
Psychologically mature people know better how to recognize reality, know that life is not a fairy tale, and we are not children living in fairy tales and hairy children with only a passion for blood.
Just as the so-called "planning is in people, success is in heaven", many things as long as we try our best, no matter what the result, it is worth commemorating.
There is a passage that goes like this:
I want to pay back immediately, suitable for part-time work.
Expect to be paid monthly and suitable for working as a migrant worker.
Patience receives annual income on an annual basis and is a professional manager.
Can wait patiently for three to five years, suitable for investors.
Weigh it with a lifetime's eye, you are an entrepreneur.
The future can be expected.
As a person, we must take a long-term view, broaden our horizons, broaden our hearts and minds, and do not rush to achieve quick success.
No matter how hard you try, every effort will come back in the way it should be.
When Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental, decided to start a business, he personally went to the United States to invite his college classmates Wang Qiang and Xu Xiaoping to return to China to start a business together.
Wang Qiang and Xu Xiaoping resolutely gave up their jobs with good prospects for development in the United States, because Yu Minhong boiled water for his college roommate for four years.
They believe that a person can serve and pay for everyone for four consecutive years without interruption and without asking for returns, and with such a person, he will definitely make a career in the future.
Yu Minhong said:
Pay and return are often not simultaneous, will lag for a long time, only those who can insist on paying, do not seek immediate returns, in order to truly enjoy rich returns in the future.
Psychologically mature people understand that paying is not necessarily rewarded, but there must be no gain if they do not pay.
Identifying the goal, accumulating steps day by day, facing reality calmly, accepting all the results with a peaceful attitude, and waiting for the flowers to blossom is a mature attitude towards life.
Know yourself, accept yourself, break through yourself
When we were young, we always thought that when we grew up, we would become "superhuman" and do everything.
However, with the passage of time, we grow up day by day, and after meeting all kinds of people and experiencing very different things, we suddenly find that no matter how hard we try, we still have a lot of things that we can't do.
Martin Seligman, president of the American Psychological Association, wrote in the book "Know Yourself, Accept Yourself": You must clearly know what you can change, and which cannot be changed, which you must accept.
There is an old Chinese saying: the ruler is short, the inch is long. You have to admit that there are differences between people, and that everyone is good at and what they are not good at.
You don't have to fight with yourself, instead of wasting time and energy on shortcomings, it is better to break through yourself in the field of expertise.
Letting go of yourself is sometimes more fulfilling yourself.
If you want to be a good wife and mother, and suffer from poor cooking skills, then learn to store;
Want to be a fitness hot mom, but the limbs are not coordinated, then get up in the morning to run;
If you want to be a world expert, but you are not good at communication, then improve your work ability.
You can always find a path that suits you. In this test of life, no one requires you to score 100 points in everything, you just need to achieve the overall level to meet the standard.
The British psychoanalyst Wilfred Ruprecht Bion said: "When we can accept a certain imperfection, we can see something beautiful."
Maturity is not that you can change the world, but that you can accept your own imperfections.
Admit and accept imperfections, give yourself more positive encouragement and hints, and improve your ability to solve problems independently, life is full of infinite possibilities.
Understand that there is no such thing as what should be in this world
Dale Carnegie wrote in the book "The Weakness of Human Nature": Gratitude is a very cultured product, you can not get it from ordinary people, and it is human nature to forget or not to be grateful.
From an early age, we enjoy the selfless care of our parents, so we think that their efforts are natural; we are accustomed to the on-call of our girlfriends, and when we grow up, although we are not in a city, we still take the initiative of the other party to contact as a matter of course.
We forget that even if our parents are related to us by blood, even if our girlfriends are brothers and sisters, they can not do it at all.
Jostan Judd writes in His book Sophie's World: No one is born to be good to anyone, so we have to learn to be grateful.
Gratitude is an excellent quality, a philosophy of life, and an attitude towards life.
Those who know how to be grateful can be respectful even to those of low status, because they know that no matter how rich or poor, everyone is equal.
Even if it is a trivial matter in the eyes of others, they will do their best to help, because they know the truth of "giving people roses and leaving a lingering fragrance".
People who know how to be grateful are more likely to gain the respect and recognition of others.
Sanmao once wrote: Gratitude is a key factor in a happy life. Let gratitude become a habit and you will have happiness.
Psychologically mature people know how to be grateful for every giving of others, grateful for every gift of life, and know that to be grateful to others is to enrich themselves.
Don't care about other people's eyes to live your own life
I have seen such a sentence: the most difficult thing to walk in the world, but the most important way to go, is to be yourself.
It is deeply believed that we live in a society surrounded by multiple values, and we are surrounded by countless voices and opinions every day, from which clothes to wear and what kind of life to live.
Gradually we begin to become indecisive and confused, and in the face of others' "not suitable" words, we throw a long-liked piece of clothing into the trash.
In the face of the "female eldest marriage style" urging parents and friends to get married, they forced themselves to show favor to people they did not like at all.
Ivo Weich, an economist at the University of California, Los Angeles, once said: Even if you have an opinion, if there are ten friends who disagree with you, it is difficult not to waver. This phenomenon is known as Wech's theorem.
The best way to crack Wech's theorem is to go firmly without caring about what others think. Of course, the premise is that you make sure that your ideas are not stubborn at low levels of cognition.
Bravely pursue your heart, although it is difficult, but it is worth it.
Coco Chanel said, "Start being yourself and start to be beautiful." ”
Jiang Yiyan, who goes to the mountains of Sichuan to support teaching, is keen on travel, and wants to see the beauty of the world, Xu Qing, who is over forty years old, unmarried and childless, and still has a girlish heart, Liang Chaowei, who enjoys solitude, low-key and introverted, and loves to read, and Hu Ge, who chooses to temporarily leave the entertainment circle when his career is soaring, they are loyal to their hearts and get along with the world in their favorite way.
Host Lu Yu said: Everyone has their own values, do not represent others, do not be represented by others.
The more mature a person's psychology is, the more he understands that it is very important to have an opinion, and blindly listening to the comments of others is the most unwise behavior.
Do what you love, live in the environment you love, please yourself, and life can be beautiful.
About the author: Tian Xin, Columnist of Franklin Book Club, post-80s, two pursuits in life, one is to go his own way, the other is to do interesting things. But writing and sports can not live up to, I believe that everything is the best arrangement, Jane Book @ Tian Xin, this article was first published by Franklin Book Club (ID: Franklin ReadingClub), Million New Middle Class Life Academy