Love at first sight is absolutely there and scientific enough.
Many people say that "love at first sight" is "seeing the color", which is not unreasonable.
But the essence of seeing the color is actually a kind of value satisfaction. There is not much difference from personality matching and three views matching.
The biggest difference is that other value satisfactions increase over time, while value satisfaction at first sight decreases over time.
In fact, dissecting most intimate relationships is a value exchange - you have a character he likes, he has the ability to appreciate you, he is fascinated by your gentleness and thoughtfulness, and you rely on his generosity and tolerance.
After layer after layer of emotional satisfaction and value exchange, in your eyes, the other person begins to become different. You are willing to use more feelings and material investment, in exchange for more feedback and value of the other party, one after another, the feelings are deeper, the dependence is gradually established, and the long-term love comes from this.
It is closely related to a person's appearance or superficial conversation, although it belongs to a kind of personal value, but it meets and peaks.
As you learn more and more, the stimulation continues to increase, and the good feelings brought by the first impression are constantly refreshed in the subsequent relationship, until you are numb or even tired.
At this time, the relationship at this time, relying only on the little value satisfaction brought by "love at first sight", can only be short-lived, which is definitely not enough.
What can really maintain the relationship between the two sides must be supported by "love at first sight" as a bridge, and then after it is gradually exhausted, it is supported by other feelings.
For example, in the interaction between the two sides, the options that can effectively add points are:
1. Stable emotional management
When two people get along, emotional management ability must be the primary condition.
Emotions are the basic background of a person's self-expression - men who respond to your needs on weekdays can beat you with their hands when the mood is not good, make you blue and swollen, turn their heads and be ashamed, and make up for it with double love and double goodness.
Most girls are inseparable from such a relationship, because the word "emotion" is enough to serve as a fig leaf for the ugly background of the other party, nor can it cover up the good feelings accumulated in the usual days.
Girls are also superior in hardware conditions, but the emotional management is extremely poor, and they will lie on the street with the slightest wind and grass, or fall into sadness and cannot extricate themselves, and lively torture the boys who love her to smell the wind and fear.
Emotional management ability will greatly affect the other party's sense of experience in the process of communication, and the accumulation is the overall experience of the other party evaluating getting along with you.
2. Rich spiritual world
Love at first sight, the bell is the appearance; and the long-term love, born is the inside.
Observing those couples who are harmonious and stable for a long time, most of them are two interesting souls coming together. It seems that two finite bodies are communicating infinite energy.
On the contrary, those who are super good-looking and innerly barren are more likely to gain short-term appreciation. But after the appreciation, the other party's eyes are empty, want to stay, can not find any reason, can only flick the sleeve away.
3. Properly retained freshness and mystery
The human gene has a high adaptability to the environment, which leads to the fact that we are more likely to get bored and numb to long-term stable feelings, both men and women.
But fortunately, the feeling itself is not objective and unchanging, it is dominated by the participants. You can add branches and leaves, you can lead the way, you can change styles, appropriate changes and fluctuations within the safe range, but you can increase the concentration of feelings on both sides. This is what we call "mood".
Implemented on the head of the individual, you don't need to be a masterful love skill, you just need to master the measure of self-openness - both sincere enough and not completely "let a person eat you".
A proper sense of personal boundaries and personal mystery allows the other party to always retain a fantasy. This fantasy is actually used to resist the numbness of long-term feelings in the depths of human nature.
4, enough self-love and self-respect
Before you love someone, ask yourself if you love yourself enough.
If you don't love yourself enough, it's impossible to love each other, and it's even more impossible to reap your ideal love, because you can't give a person something they don't have, which is a physical law.
Those selflessness that you think you are self-righteous are essentially just another kind of distorted taking, or a decoy to test human nature. For the other party, it is either unbearable pressure or garbage that is regarded as a. In short, your love will not become his treasure, and it will not be returned to you in the way you want.
In other words, you can love each other, but only if you have given yourself a basic sense of security and love, and what you do is based on your complete voluntariness and ample ability.
5. Constantly improving personal charm
Again, the saying goes: Love itself is an exchange of values.
The more value you can offer to the other person, the more initiative you will get in this relationship, and the easier it will be to face it.
This value is not necessarily visible to the naked eye, but more from emotional value, and even without the need for interaction between the two parties. When you are good enough, even if you just stand in the crowd, you can fully satisfy the vanity and possessiveness of the other party, and he will naturally cherish you more.
So, while the flow of love is important, it's even more important to be yourself — because all your efforts are based on who you are, and any value you have, based on how valuable you are.
I am a profound, national second-level psychological counselor, translator of the book "Non-violent Communication Between The Sexes", a member of the Dalian Psychological Association, 34 years old, married and child-bearing, willing to share my own attitude with you.