【Professional Theory】The crying and willfulness of the children's behavior management article

———— Friday Column: "On the Tao of Professions" [Issue 1] ————

Perfection is based on professionalism, focusing on exploration and diligent practice step by step

Some children are prone to crying and making trouble when they do not satisfy him according to their own ideas, and even do not forgive, and parents and teachers are troubled by it. But if you blindly satisfy him, over time, the child is easy to cry as a magic weapon to achieve his own goals, which is very undesirable, then how can we better deal with this problem?

In fact, this kind of behavior of children can be prevented, and early relevant education can prevent the occurrence of such behavior in children. Teachers and parents in the process of education, I think to do the following two points, you can achieve a good preventive effect.

The first thing to do is to try to maintain the consistency of all educators' concepts. The educators mentioned here include parents, grandparents and teachers, to be able to achieve the consistency of educational concepts to the greatest extent, can not be rejected by parents, grandparents and grandparents agree, teachers say so, back home parents and parents say so, so educators should communicate more about the unified educational concept. Otherwise, not only will it not solve the problem of children crying and willfulness, but it will even become more and more intense. There is also to be consistent, when the child can not achieve the goal of crying many times in a row, it will naturally give up this way, if sometimes agree, sometimes do not agree, it will further stimulate the child's fighting spirit to cry to achieve the goal. The second is to make an agreement in advance and abide by the agreement, such as how long to have fun before going to the playground, agreeing on what you can buy and what you can't buy before going to the mall, when the agreement is good, you must firmly implement it, no matter how the child cries and makes trouble, adults just need to maintain a calm attitude. Several times I took my son to the playground, and before I went, I agreed to play for only four hours and what projects I could play, and he would happily agree each time. But not every time can do it, there are a few times crying to play this and that, for this, I did not reprimand him, nor was I emotionally excited, just calmly waiting, and when he was tired of crying, he would take the initiative to say to me: Dad let's go home. Later, the number of such cries became less and less frequent.

When a child really cries and willful behavior, how to deal with it? I tell you from my own experience:

My son usually prefers to watch cartoons, and I also have an agreement with him that the time of watching cartoons cannot exceed 30 minutes each time, which is almost the appearance of three episodes of cartoons. One day at noon, it was time for dinner, and the meals were already on the table, but his cartoon had not yet been finished, and he was unwilling to stop and finish eating and watching again. After communication, we also agreed to come to dinner immediately after watching it, because the cartoon also had two or three minutes to watch, and everyone was waiting for him. But after the cartoon was played, he repented, saying that he was not hungry, did not want to eat, the cartoon did not watch enough, I always insisted on not showing him again, and as a result, he cried a lot, and the cry was a miserable, and the throat was broken.

Looking at him like this, I am really angry, obviously I have said it before, why not do it? But in the end I still resisted the emotional outburst, I did not care about him anymore, we ate our meal, did not coax, did not reason with him, at this time, no matter what I told him, I definitely could not listen. When I was still crying when I had finished eating (I usually eat faster, about ten minutes), at this time, I walked over to him, wiped away his tears, put my arm around his shoulder and said: I understand your feelings of wanting to watch cartoons, you are angry that your father did not satisfy you, right, but I have agreed with my father before, right? When it comes to it, you can do it, even if you want to see it later! But it is not appropriate for you to cry like this, you are uncomfortable crying yourself, we are not happy, well, don't cry, Mom and Dad love you! He looked at me, nodded, I said then can you go to dinner now, Dad made you the most favorite beanie, hearing this, he "poof" jumped out of the chair and said loudly, I want to eat beanie!

However, when some children encounter similar things, they may develop in another direction, that is, children are unwilling to eat and gamble, and at this time, they need to take advantage of natural consequences. When we educate children, we must not attach some irrelevant consequences, for example, if the child does not eat, do not show her cartoons, how to disobey, such an education method has a hundred harms and no benefits, all we have to do is to quietly wait for the natural consequences of his behavior to appear, and firmly let him bear such consequences. If the child does not eat, then what does it matter if he is hungry, and if he is asked not to eat snacks, it is necessary to pay for the child to feel that his misconduct is at stake.

Of course, it is also necessary to pay attention to the psychological needs behind the child's crying and willfulness, and treat the child's behavior with empathy, so that the child can feel more unconditional love, and can also remove some bad behavior habits under the care of love. Or take the child watching cartoons as an example, if the reason why the child still wants to watch cartoons is because there is a plot in the last episode that has not been watched, the child wants to know what happened later, then you can spend a few minutes to let the child understand the follow-up is not impossible, but just let him know this.

To sum up the wayward behavior of coping with the child's crying is not to fight, not to scold, not to teach, to understand him, to teach him how to achieve the goal without crying, but also to let the child know that the natural consequences need to be borne by themselves. Adhere to the bottom line of educators, treat children's behavior with empathy, and believe that everyone can find a better way.

Follow "Young Village" and subscribe to more featured content

Monday: "Famous Teachers" Feature - Threesomes, There Will Be Your Teacher

Tuesday: "I go to kindergarten" theme - from the child's point of view to enter the kindergarten, with the child's feelings to understand the education

Thursday: "Self-Garden Strange Talk" topic - talk about management, talk about operation, and go together on the road of preschool education

Friday: "Professional Theory" Special Topic - Perfection in Perfection Based on Professionalism, Focusing on Exploration and Practice Step by Step

Sunday: "Good Books for Young Children" Topic - Reading is the best practice, reading the books that preschool educators need

‖ copyright notice

"Young Village" original article needs to reprint the opening, please leave a message, reprint the opening unconditionally. This public account due to teaching and research needs to reprint or select the article, the copyright belongs to the original author, can not contact the original source, if there is infringement, please contact us in time to delete.