Karen Mok sang, "The more two people who love each other, the easier it is to make each other hurt.""
The main reason is that they have not mastered the "code of love".
The book "The Art of Communication - Looking into People, Seeing Outside" decodes the language of love for you, and many cases are simple and simple to let you master the skills of communication. Often let you open up, patting your thighs and thinking, it is so.
The author of the book is Ronald. B. Adler, who specializes in communication and collaboration, is the author of six books on topics such as business communication, public speaking, small group communication, arbitrariness, and social skills. In addition to writing and teaching, he helps professionals and business people improve their interpersonal communication skills in the workplace.
Russell. F. Proctor is a professor at Northern Kentucky University. They met Adler at a communication meeting before 1990, and the two agreed on the use of feature films as teaching aids. Over the years, they have written extensively around the subject, lectured around, and co-published several textbooks.
The book is divided into three parts: "Seeing into people's hearts", "seeing outside people", and "looking between people":
"Seeing into people" mainly explores the factors related to communicators, explains the nature of interpersonal relationships, emphasizes the role of the self in communication, and analyzes the importance of perception and emotion in communication;
"Seeing Outside" focuses on the sending and receiving of information outside the communicator, analyzes the use of language and the characteristics of non-verbal cues, and emphasizes the importance of listening;
"Between People" mainly discusses various communication methods to improve the communication atmosphere and deal with interpersonal conflicts.
This book focuses on both a theoretical introduction to interpersonal communication and a wealth of reading material.
With 8 columns and over 100 articles, it's easy for us to learn and apply the communication skills in the book.
Decode the language of love
"If you love me, listen to me."
"If you love me, say it."
"If you love me, prove it to me."
In these sentences, the underlying message is, "To me, love means... "Each of us has our own opinions about what love is. And call it the "language of love."
We don't find ourselves expressing love in a way that doesn't match the person we're communicating with, we tend to speak our own language of love, and then we become confused when the child and the lover don't understand the message we're communicating.
We're just expressing our love, and the message isn't well understood because what we're saying is a foreign language to them.
Most people learn the language of love from their original families.
Then, from a very young age, the way we give and receive emotions is to some extent imprinted in our minds.
The good news is that we can learn to express love in different ways---- especially if there is help from a loved one.
Five languages of love, which is your "love language"?
1. Language of Affirmation: Includes praise, praise, verbal support, writing notes and letters, and other ways in which a person can express their value and appreciation.
People who use this language are easily hurt by insults and ridicule, or because their efforts are not linguistically recognized.
2. Quality time: Refers to the fact that when your partner needs you, you are present and can help, and during this important time, you can give the other party unreserved, wholehearted attention.
Mental inattention and distraction can damage the "quality" of your time together.
3. Gifts: Those who measure love according to gifts believe that "the mind that gives gifts represents everything" For them, the meaning of gifts is not in the matter of whether they are expensive or not. It is the best gift to be appreciated by the recipient.
In addition, for gift-oriented partners, if the other person neglects to commemorate an important event, it is an act of transgression of the relationship.
4. Service behavior: Help throw garbage, refuel the car, do housework and other ---- service behaviors that can be included in the list are endless. Similar to gifts, the key to service is knowing which behaviors will be appreciated by your partner.
Take the initiative to do the kind of housework that your partner hates the most.
5. Physical contact: Although this condition includes sexual activity, the meaningful range of contact is much broader: wrap your arms around your shoulders, hold the other person's hand, touch your cheek, or rub your neck, etc.
It's like I once had a relationship. Whenever there was something special, he loved to give me gifts. If I or my friend or family member has any problems, he will not hesitate to come and help.
I love physical intimacy and I love the fact that we're in the park, shopping, and having activities together.
We got along for a long time, but it ended up breaking up because neither of us felt each other's love.
If we had known the language of mutual love then, we might still be together now.
In past relationships, I accused him of not loving me because he didn't spend precious time with me and didn't express enough affection. And he would point to the beautiful jewelry around my neck and ask, "Do you like your necklace?" ”
In this way, we were completely enraged.
I always thought he was trying to avoid and talk. All he did was show me a material symbol of how much he loved me. But that's the language he uses to express love---- "gift."
And my language of expression of love is clearly not like that.
In turn, he would accuse me of not caring about her because I didn't help him get his clothes to the laundry room when he was busy. Apparently, his other love language is "service behavior." In this way, we accused each other again and again of refusing to give each other love.
After discovering the "language of love", I realized that my love language is "physical contact" and "quality companionship, quality time" I have always loved my partner in the way I want to be loved, and he has always expressed his love in the way he wants to be loved.
People tend to use the loudest voices to criticize their spouses for not being able to meet their deepest emotional needs.
This is a way of pleading for the other person's love, but because of their criticism, it loses its effectiveness.
If we understand this, it will help us deal with criticism in a more productive way.
The beginning of a relationship is the phase of "falling in love", a period of happiness and joy in which your partner does not make mistakes, has no flaws, and nothing seems impossible.
Once this stage is over, lasting feelings require us to make choices about love.
We have to love our partners as they are and choose to love them the way they want to be loved, in their language, not our own.
Maintain kindness and firm parenting together
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