A difficult recovery journey for a person with severe depression, severe fear, severe anxiety, and neurasthenia
Original Happy Life Academy Students Happy Life Mentor Li Jiaqi 2020-11-23 21:58
It is included in the topic #Happy Life Academy part of the graduation thesis 71
[Happy Life College No. 163 Graduation Thesis]
In 2005, a sudden change plunged my life into boundless darkness and painful torture.
I was thirteen years old and had just started junior high school. I remember once in English class, because of the nervous moment i felt hot, scalp numbness, sweating, sweat wet my clothes, a drop fell on the textbook, my heart was terrified to the extreme, for a moment overwhelmed. At first, these symptoms will only occasionally erupt in English class, and after a while, all classes will erupt, so my nerves become extremely sensitive, afraid that my classmates will look at me with strange eyes, inadvertently a word from others, or a look, the symptoms will explode instantly. Before I didn't know what nervousness and fear were, the pain came too quickly, and it felt like a devastating blow!
When the school merged in the second year of junior high school, I arrived in a new environment, and everything was so strange. My symptoms began to worsen, my armpits were sweating all day, coupled with moments of fear, my clothes were wet all year round except when I was dry when I slept, which made me more inferior and desperate, and I was in a state of extreme anxiety and fear all day. When it comes to school, my legs are weak, my body is shaking, I am hot and dry, and I really feel like living like a year in class, like sitting on a needle felt. I didn't sleep well either. Watching my classmates so happy, I could only hide in a dark corner alone, or cry alone in the middle of the night. Since then I have loved solitude, night and cloudy days. Because I'm afraid of the sun, the lights, I'm afraid of seeing everyone, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't dare.
I always longed to get up the next morning and be fine, but it backfired. Day after day, I struggled in the whirlpool of pain every day, insensitive, like a walking dead. I began to hate everything in this world, I hated that the heavens were unfair to me, I hated my parents for giving birth to me. My hair fell off in a pinch, I was smelling putrid all over my body, was in my nostrils, and I went to the toilet once a week or ten days, and I felt disgusted and disgusted with myself. I was bent on dying, and once knelt down to kowtow to my parents to let me die, and sent me to a psychiatric hospital, but my parents did not agree. The pain was spreading, despair was fermenting, and I walked alone in the rain, looking up at the sky, and the tears couldn't help but flow. I began to degenerate and paralyze myself, all night Internet cafes, drinking and smoking, growing long hair, covering half of my face, the whole person was very dark, as if I put myself in a bag, my studies were a mess, and I became a recognized "dick" by my classmates. I was in high school that year.
I cried when I wrote this, not because I remembered the pain of the past, but because I have undergone a drastic transformation now, and I cried with joy.
The school knew about my situation and was afraid that I would commit suicide and arranged for me to be in the first-floor dormitory. Once in a short dream I dreamed that I was being chased by an overwhelming number of wild beasts, and I was greeted by countless enemies blocking me, and there were planes in the sky that hit me, forcing me to nowhere to go, and I roared in the sky, even if it was a rotten life in this life. When I woke up from the dream, I stopped trying to kill myself and began to find ways to save myself. Hearing that Chinese medicine is broad and profound, I learned a little fur, couldn't wait to prescribe medicine for myself, and pressed the meridian acupuncture points every day, but there was no effect. I also came into contact with a little traditional culture, and I learned that practicing calligraphy can cultivate my personality, and I secretly practice it every night when people are quiet, and I dare not let anyone find out about my abnormal behavior. Being careful and calming down can only alleviate temporary pain, and it is far from meeting my requirements. Music can make people happy, so I went to study music and gave up within a few days. I also learned from the Internet that martial arts can strengthen my physique and may change my heart. I made up my mind, took a year off school, fell out with my parents, cut off all contact with my family, went to work in other places for 40 days of farm work, earned tuition for the martial arts school, and left. During that time my mother almost cried and went blind. I went to college that year.
Full of expectations, I came to the martial arts school, extreme martial arts, air flips, parkour, stunts, film and television. I've been a performer and I've sold art on the streets. I still didn't have the slightest change, and an injury almost paralyzed me. During this period, he suffered from chronic rhinitis. When I got home, I found that I couldn't communicate with people smoothly, and I repeated a sentence several times that others couldn't understand. The people in the village were also pointing and talking behind their backs, not only my own pain but also my parents and grandparents. I remember a friend said to me that I didn't expect you to become such a person. I wanted to cry without tears, and everyone lost hope in me. Then I had a fever of more than 40 degrees, burned for a week, and then walked completely unconscious for half a month. I myself despaired, thinking that this was the way this life was. I completely cut off all contact with the outside world, as if my heart was dead and I didn't want anything.
During the day, I got up to help my parents work, and as soon as I got home, I practiced calligraphy and martial arts, and at night I took steps and meditated. Suddenly, for a week, I entered a state where I didn't feel like I existed. Insomnia is good, I have never looked in the mirror, and suddenly found that years of acne pustules face is also better. Isolated for three months, I felt completely well. However, when I walked out of the house and stepped into this materialistic world of flowers and flowers again, I was once again plunged into the darkness of pain, and I never found the opportunity to change again.
Time flies, the years are like shuttles, and in the blink of an eye, I have changed from a teenager to a young man in my early twenties. More than ten years of darkness, experienced vicissitudes, the pain is still there. I had wanted to seek liberation from studying Confucianism, practiced primitive point therapy, repeatedly studied Morita therapy, and even wanted to escape from the world by escaping from the world by escaping from the world.
But I'm still so young, I'm not willing! Once, when listening to the article on the Himalaya radio station for help, I overheard an article by Teacher Li Jiaqi of the Happy Life Academy. When I heard that I could completely get rid of all psychological problems, my heart was moved. Because I've been working for fourteen years, almost as hard as I can, and I haven't solved my problem. I can't wait to add Teacher Li's QQ, and from that moment on, I believed that I could completely transform and completely solve all physical and mental problems. I read all the articles of Teacher Li Jiaqi in one sitting. At first, I didn't want to join the academy, in fact, I was obsessed with money, I wanted to save tuition, if I didn't cling to money, maybe I would change completely a few months in advance, I would be able to help others early, and it would not cause a depressed person I knew to leave this world. This incident strengthened my determination to make a radical change, and on August 26, 2019, I joined the Happy Life Academy.
Joining the Happy Life Academy was a complete change in my destiny. The first day I joined the college, I was moved to cry by the atmosphere of the college, I have never felt so strong positive energy, everyone treats me like a relative, I feel that the place I have been looking for for more than ten years has finally been found. From that moment on, my heart belonged and I stopped wandering around. I was so excited when I first joined the academy that I woke up a few days in the morning around four o'clock and got up to do my homework as the teacher had asked. Just after I had a good feeling, I was a little complacent, so I relaxed a little, and when I listened to the class, I also hung up on the child, sometimes while listening to the class, while eating, sometimes I was outside while walking around and listening to the class. After repeating it several times, I finally understood that I must have respect for the teacher, listen to the lessons seriously, and do as the teacher asks, and I can get better completely with a single blow. So I made up my mind that even if the teacher let me go up the mountain of knives and the sea of fire, shattering my bones, I would also strengthen my conviction and never slacken, of course, the teacher's requirements are also something that everyone can do.
When I completely corrected my attitude, listened to the lecture and sat in danger, trusted and respected the teacher from the bottom of my heart, and no longer used my own thinking to ponder the content of the teacher's speech, nor did I observe all my physical and mental symptoms. After class, I just practiced according to what the teacher said, just worked hard in the direction of positive energy, and never paid attention to any physical and mental pain. Suddenly one day, I felt the pain in my heart, and the pull was gone! From that moment on, I realized that the psychological problem was illusory, as if it had never been a problem! In an instant, I felt that the copper wall that wrapped my heart was gone, and the joy that came from my heart was indescribable, and my body and mind were refreshing and comfortable. Suddenly, I saw that everyone in the world was so amiable. Looking at the blue sky, the white clouds, and the oncoming breeze, I feel so beautiful about every flower and tree! For more than ten years, I finally broke through the shackles of my heart, and all the pain I had once was like a big dream, and when I woke up, everything disappeared. Think of the once full of evil thoughts, dirty, full of poisons of their own self, and now full of sunshine and cheerful me is almost like two people. In the past, when I saw people, I always wanted to find a seam to hide, but now I want to take the initiative to ask everyone for warmth, although I am still doing the same work as before, but I think it is very meaningful and very happy. Just a few months ago I went to bed at night, and my stomach hurt and I woke up, and I suspected I had stomach cancer. And now I eat spicy things will not be uncomfortable, and I have always been thin and weighty. Every day facing the morning sun, the heart is full of gratitude and strength, and when there is a direction, it is no longer wandering. Many friends said that I had changed, my eyes had become clear, and the whole person looked energetic. I really understand how to be a person, to be an upright, clear and bright person, to live a day to do a meaningful day. Ancients Cloud: Towards the Tao, death can be done at night. This transformation seems to be reborn, this is a new beginning in life, and even friends around me say that they want to learn from me. Do not think about the past, do not fear the future, grasp the present to realize the value of life. Let life be full of sunshine everywhere.
Sure enough, the situation is turned from the heart, and this world is the projection of my heart. I feel like I'm the happiest person in the world. What kind of fame and fortune, luxury car beauty, it does not matter. Health, happiness, happiness is the most important. From this moment on, I understood the value and significance of my life, and I was more clear about the direction of life. In this life, I want to strengthen my conviction and do things that are beneficial to others, to society, to the world, and to the world. I will spend the rest of my life helping more people who are still in psychological and spiritual distress, and since I am in pain, I don't want more people to suffer.
Since I completely solved my psychological problems, I feel that my appearance and personality have changed. Once I was a person who looked obscene, cowered, inferior and introverted, dark and dirty at heart, and looked down upon by others. Now my body and mind have also reached a relatively peaceful state, I have not been angry with anyone for more than half a year, and I have not had a conflict with anyone. Now my chronic rhinitis is also better, the whole person is radiant, the heart is pure, the spirit is naturally good, and many people say that I have changed. I also understood what it means to take responsibility and responsibility and become brave and strong. I began to repay the parenting grace of my parents with my heart, and truly experienced home and everything. The calligraphy that I once learned because of pain has now developed into my career and has been rising, because the martial arts I have practiced in pain have become my method of exercising, and the gastrointestinal discomfort and stomach pain are also good.
Changing my destiny had always seemed to me to be a distant dream, but I didn't expect to come to the Happy Life Academy, and it quickly came true. I can finally face life with sincerity. I am grateful to Teacher Li Jiaqi in my heart, if there is no teacher, I may still be struggling in pain, it is the teacher who took me out of the darkness of life away from bitterness and happiness to the sunshine, it is my lifelong learning example, sincerely grateful to you teacher!
I pray that all the psychological and spiritual problems in this world will be completely eliminated. With my heart to the sun, my life officially set sail, establishing a heart for heaven and earth, establishing a destiny for the people, continuing to learn from the saints, and opening up peace for all the worlds.
Yongchi wrote on February 12, 2020, I hope that my experience can awaken and help people who are still struggling in the sea of psychological and spiritual suffering, and may the world become a world of unity as soon as possible.
2020.02.12
[The author of this article is a student of Yongchi College of Happy Life, and the copyright belongs to the College of Happy Life of Healthy Management of The Heart】