As the saying goes, "a word of argument is heavier than the treasure of the Nine Dings; three inches of tongue, stronger than a million teachers", this communication is the first step in interacting with people, so the importance is self-evident, people with good eloquence also have good emotional intelligence small to change a person's life, large enough to change the fate of a country.
But not everyone has a good eloquence, especially our "social phobia" of honest people, it is almost difficult to talk to strangers like ascending to the sky, it is difficult to open their mouths, but there are mouths stupid to offend people! So the importance of what can be said and what can be said is self-evident.
So how can you improve your eloquence? Let yourself also improve your emotional intelligence, what about witty remarks? Our ancestor Oniguzi gave us three tips.
The first mantra reads, "Because of its words, listen to its words, and look at its color." ”
Communication, communication, two people above is communication, one person talking to himself is not communication. The first step in communication is to listen and react to what you hear. We know that Chinese speech is better, it has always been a pun, and there is something in the words. So the first step in our communication with people is to understand the meaning and content behind the conversation. Understand their voices. Especially to communicate with leaders, it is even more necessary to play a hundred thousand spirits, not only listen to their superficial words, but also learn to think about the meaning of their words. If you understand the sound of the strings, you are not far from the opportunity for promotion and salary increase.
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, the State of Qi xiang Tian Bao, because of his merits, was enfeoffed with Xue Di, Tian Bao was overwhelmed and wanted to build a city in Xue Di and become king, and the doorman advised Tian Bao: "The big fish in the sea cannot be caught by fishing nets, and the fish hooks cannot be caught, but once it leaves the ocean, it can only be slaughtered." ”
Tian Bao suddenly realized after listening to it, and gave up the construction of the city to become king. Tian Bao in the story understands the voice of the doorman, I don't know if you can understand the voice of the person you are talking to, if you understand the meaning of others, the most important basis for improving eloquence is to understand the words.
The second mantra reads, "The circle is in the way." Seeing the form, the party is the same. ”
After understanding the words, we have to respond to the conversation, and the response of people with high emotional intelligence must be smooth and leave room. Although there are cute things about people who are straight, they are often too straight, and the "truth" and "truth" that come out of their mouths offend people fiercely. So it's very important to learn to be flexible and speak. Flexibility is not to make you hypocritical, but to let you learn to think first, before the words are exported, think about whether others will be unhappy when they hear it, and whether the consequences of this unhappiness can be borne.
Still in the Spring and Autumn Warring States period, the State of Qin attacked the State of Zhao, the State of Zhao had no choice but to ask the State of Qi for help, the State of Qi let Chang'an Jun go to the State of Qi as a hostage before agreeing to support, at this time the State of Zhao was ruled by the Empress Dowager, Chang'an Jun was Empress Zhao's favorite child, and the request of the State of Qi made the Empress Dowager angrily speak bluntly in the court: "Whoever dares to say that Chang'an Jun is a hostage, I will spit on his face!" The court was silent, the left master touched the dragon, and when he saw the situation, he quickly changed the topic and talked about the issue of the cultivation of the heirs, so that the anger of the empress dowager subsided.
The third sentence of the mantra is "Speculate on feelings, and say the way to say it."
In addition to being flexible, we also have to be convincing, and in addition to talking nonsense, it is more important to achieve the goal. In the above example, we said that Zuo Shi cleverly changed the topic and let the Empress Dowager calm down, so after calming down, what was the purpose of Zuo Shi? It was to persuade the empress dowager to send Chang'an Jun to the State of Qi. Therefore, Zuo Shi Touch Dragon persuaded the empress dowager from the aspect of growing up for the sake of the child's growth and talent, which is a good time for the child to grow up and exercise, and the parents all hope that the child can become a talent, and when they hear that the child can become a talent, the empress dowager, who is very reluctant, still agrees to send the child to the country of Qi. So you can see the importance of persuasion.
epilogue
If a person wants to improve emotional intelligence, the most important thing is to think before speaking, and if you really can't speak, then keep silent. If you want to be able to talk and improve your emotional intelligence, then pay attention to listening before you speak, and think more.