Wen | Lily's mother
Fell down, accidentally broke the knee, because of the pain, the child will cry.
When the time comes, I want to look at the mobile phone more, the mother will not allow it, and the child will cry.
The former is a distress signal sent by the child and an expression of true emotions.
If the mother gives the child the right and appropriate love and comfort, the child will soon stop crying.
The latter is the child's means to achieve the end, with the component of deliberate performance.
If the mother adheres to the principle, the child will establish a sense of rules, understand the boundaries of behavior, and develop good behavior habits.
And some mothers often behave impatiently when faced with the first situation.
"Don't cry, cry anything, just break a little skin, no big deal, in a few days it will be fine, be brave, be strong!" 」 The mother only pays attention to the matter itself, and does not pay attention to the child's emotions and feelings, and does not empathize with the child, the child will feel very wronged, but cry more severely.
"Baby must be in pain, come on, Mom hug!" Mom put some potion on you, which can relieve the pain and get better soon. ”
Understand the child's feelings, take corresponding measures to help the child solve the problem, the child will learn from the mother's behavior will be a way to deal with difficulties.
Some mothers treat the second situation, often can not stand the child's blackmail, this in the deep aspect of the mother's own internal emotional patterns related, this feeling will make the mother instinctively feel very uncomfortable, even unbearable, unable to catch the child's emotions, but eager to get rid of or eliminate this feeling.
The easiest way is to allow it, because then the child will not cry or make trouble, and the mother's mood can immediately return to calm. Some mothers in their daily lives, even because they can't stand the noise of their children, or in exchange for their own peace of mind, they directly let the TV or mobile phone accompany their children.
Facing the child's tears in this way for a long time is extremely detrimental to the child's growth, which will make the child think that crying is the most powerful way to solve the problem, and will rely too much on the "crying" method, and it is difficult to develop other flexible and flexible solutions to the problem.
This method of dealing with problems is likely to continue until the child reaches adulthood, and the child will also use negative emotions to achieve goals or solve problems when he grows up, such as using crying, anger, threats, etc. to trigger the other party's sense of guilt and force the other party to give in.
Last year, several of my colleagues were promoted, and Du Du left Lao Zhang alone. Lao Zhang is an old employee of the unit and has some qualifications, but the leader will not consider him every time there is a personnel change, the reason is that he is too emotional, and when he encounters things, he will always make some extreme behaviors.
For example, he will run to the leader's office to make a big fuss, cry about his grievances for so many years, cry about his efforts for the unit, cry about how it is not easy for him, which makes the leader very unable to come to the stage, of course, the next time will not consider him. He would also complain about the unfairness of his leadership with other colleagues, and colleagues would slowly turn away from him.
Lao Zhang is already in his 50s, but his behavior is still like a child, or he still uses the method of crying and making noise as a child to achieve his goals, which obviously does not work. In addition to making people think that he is naïve, he will not find any benefits for himself, which is not good for himself, but also hurts others, and is easy to be rejected and alienated by others, and will only end up with a single shadow.
If when Lao Zhang was young, his mother could stick to the principle and tell him that crying was not the solution to the problem, maybe Lao Zhang would have another life.
Finally, I would like to say that when mothers face their children's tears, they must be particularly clear, and they must distinguish whether their children are using tears or the expression of true emotions, and they must not give in easily on some principled issues.
Because, in the way you deal with the problem, there is a hidden future for the child.
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