Two days ago, when sending her child to a calligraphy class, I saw a mother at the door of the community, she was dragging her child into the car, and the child cried and struggled:
"I don't want to learn dance anymore, I'm not going, I'm too tired..."
Mom roared angrily, "You have to go today, and if you don't go, you have to give me!" ”
In the end, the child still couldn't get his mother, got into the car, and went to learn dance.
I can't help but think of a question: should I force my child to do it?
When the child frowns and says to us, "Mom, I don't want to learn!" ”
How do we respond?
Don't let you give up for the first time in your life
It came so early
In a talk show, Li Yapeng talked about his precious daughter, Li Yan.
Li Yan likes to play the piano and has been studying for five or six years, but last year, she failed the music theory knowledge exam, resulting in her failing the exam.
That day, she was very unhappy, so she lost her temper and said, "Dad, I don't learn anymore!" ”
At that time, Li Yapeng did not say much. At dinner, Li Yapeng said this:
You don't want to take the music theory, no problem, life always has to face some abandonment and failure, just like me, I have not passed the exam twice, but you are only 12 years old, do you want to let the 'first giving up' in your life come so early?
It was this passage that made Li Yan pluck up the courage to let the piano teacher help her register for the exam again.
Finally, in April this year, Li Yan successfully passed the exam.
Li Yapeng also excitedly posted a picture of Li Yan playing the piano on Weibo and called her Bei duoyan, is it cool?
So, kid, don't use this chip lightly, otherwise, you'll miss out on the excitement you should have.
Think about how I didn't like to take interest classes when I was a kid, it was just because I was delayed playing games.
As Cai Kangyong said:
"15 years old found it difficult to swim, gave up swimming, 18 years old met a person you liked to ask you to swim, you had to say I won't." 」
18 years old think English is difficult, give up English, 28 years old has a great but to know English job, you have to say I will not.
The more troublesome and lazy you are in the early stage of life, the more likely you are to miss the people and things that move you and miss the new scenery. ”
Child, don't let your future self regret why you gave up so easily in the first place, don't let yourself dream back in the middle of the night, your heart is full of unwillingness and regret.
Don't grow up
I regret that no one forced you in the first place
There is a dialogue in the TV series "Family with Children":
Liu Xingma: "When I was a child, I reported you to this class and that class, and I wanted you to learn, but you didn't learn it yourself!" ”
Liu Xing: "I don't want to learn, you won't let me learn!" At that time, I was still young, I didn't understand things, didn't you understand things? You should have cultivated me and educated me from an early age, and you forced me to learn from an early age..."
After Liu Xing finished speaking, her mother suddenly stopped talking.
Recently, a violin performance by Liu Xianhua (Henry) went viral on Weibo.
In the spotlight, he is elegant and calm, and the sound of the piano is sometimes melodious, beautiful and lingering, sometimes pouring and rushing, flowing clouds and flowing water.
It's so amazing, it's like opening a hanging.
Once, Angelababy asked Liu Xianhua:
"Were you forced by your parents to learn the violin when you were a child?"
"Yes, forced."
"Did you do it when you were a kid?"
"I didn't want to, I didn't want to pull until I was eleven or twelve, and then I played my first race and from that time on, I started to like it."
"Do you think you're thankful for your parents now?"
"Thank you very much."
Actress Ni Ni also sighed and said: "Yeah, I really thank them, if they don't force you, these things will never grow on you." ”
At this time Angelababy, stunned, said a word:
"Why didn't anyone force me in the first place?"
This sentence carries a lot of unwillingness and remorse!
Children want to withdraw and want to give up, it is not difficult to understand, accumulated over the years, rain or shine every week to take their children to class, many parents will feel tired and annoyed, not to mention the children who go to class?
However, if at this time, we easily let the child back off, the child is likely to regret in the future, why did not bite the teeth and persevere.
We also blame ourselves and feel guilty, why didn't we force our children in the first place?
Children, a person's life
There has to be a hobby
Let the child learn to be strong, have a lifelong interest, is the best gift to the child.
This first gift is to give children more confidence in life.
When Rene Liu was 7 years old, she asked her grandmother, "Why should I learn piano?" ”
Grandmother said:
If one day your husband doesn't want you, you can still have a skill, you can support yourself and raise children.
At that time, she did not understand the meaning of her grandmother, and when she grew up, she understood that her grandmother insisted on letting her learn piano, just so that she would have a craft when she grew up, without being forced to make a living, do what she wanted to do, have more confidence in life, and have more choices for life.
This second gift is to help children discover their own strengths.
For example, Mozart, who has a musical talent since childhood, but his piano expertise is also cultivated by his parents, and he is not born to play the piano.
Children's strengths should rely on the cultivation of the day after tomorrow.
What we have to do is to help children, in the process of continuous exploration, to discover their own strengths, to constantly enlarge and enlarge the shining points on their bodies.
This third gift is to let children harvest more precious spiritual qualities.
Hu Ke once uploaded a video of his son practicing the piano while crying, which caused everyone to clap their hands and praise, and at the same time that Anji wiped his eyes and wiped tears, his hands did not forget the small appearance of playing the piano, which was really touching and painful.
A small body contains great energy.
As Hu Ke put it:
We don't need to cling to a certain perfect result, but we need to have the quality of persistence.
Because of this quality, we can practice the skills of passing five levels and slashing six generals, that is:
Do things with perseverance, do not give up lightly, have patience, have perseverance!
It's not that easy to stick to
But it's not that hard
Make an agreement with your child from the beginning and let your child participate in decision-making.
This is the first magic weapon to help children persevere.
When the child was 5 years old, I enrolled him in various interest classes: calligraphy, fencing, taekwondo, piano, etc., and then asked him to choose one or two of them that he liked the most and kept learning.
A month later, he made the decision to choose calligraphy and piano.
Now, he has been insisting on it for 3 years, during which he also told me: "Mom, I don't want to learn piano anymore, it's boring." ”
I crouched down, looked him in the eye, and said:
Boy, have you forgotten the agreement we made in the first place? You don't want to be a rebel, do you? You're climbing the mountain right now, and if you keep going, you'll be able to climb to the top and see a landscape that no one else can see!
Second, it is necessary to do a good job of companionship and encouragement.
Parents are always role models for their children.
When the child was practicing calligraphy, I accompanied him, practiced writing, and stipulated that I should write at least 1,000 words a day.
Sometimes I also want to be lazy, and whenever this happens, the child will come to me and persuade me: "Mom, you can't give up halfway!" ”
Finally, the most important thing is to be patient.
We don't raise a child to make him an expert, but to give him a chance to live better.
If we always complain: "White flowers and silver thrown in there is not even a sound!" I have to bring you to practice every week, is it easy for me? You don't want to come, you don't have a conscience? ”
What will children think?
"Then you don't have to spend this money, rest at home, I don't have to be so tired, I might as well watch cartoons with this effort!"
Parents have no patience, how can we blame the child for not insisting?
Stick to the surprise
It's hidden in your future path
A study in the United States found that it is not IQ that determines the future of a child, but persistence.
Regarding this ability, Luo Zhenyu has a very classic statement in "Logical Thinking":
Kids love pets because they can give instant feedback.
For example, a puppy, as soon as you tease it, it can immediately wag its tail at you.
Human nature likes instant feedback, and this is also the reason why children love to play games.
But if a child wants to do something in the future, he must have the ability to delay gratification.
It is to be able to endure, and under the premise of not being able to see the concrete results immediately, it can also make efforts and persist in action.
When you are fine, plant flowers and grass with your children, water today, water tomorrow, and there is no change on the surface.
However, one day, the child will find that all his efforts have not been in vain.
At the moment when the flower blooms, the child will understand that the effort not to see the results immediately can actually bring greater surprises.