Author | Brine egg mother
Source | Daughter Pie (ID: nverpai)
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Xia Han
"I'm not going to be your mom, go find a younger, prettier, more patient mom."
"When my mother said this, her heart was bleeding..."
This is a dialogue between mother and daughter, the source of the host Li Xiaomeng, the cause is the daughter's procrastination.
But in reality, what mother has not collapsed on the issue of her child's rubbing?
For example, I am a walking human flesh accelerator every day:
It's been half an hour, how can I say two words?
How is it still watching TV, 8 o'clock... It's 9 o'clock... It's 11 o'clock!!!
The child is learning piano at the same time as you, he has begun to take the exam, why can't you even play a complete piece?
Since becoming a mother, the most spoken word is: fast! Hurry up! Come on!
But no matter how hysterical I was, my son always looked lazy:
"Mom, I'm already very fast, can you please stop urging?"
In the countless moments when my son was rubbing, procrastinating, and disobeying, I was "heartbroken" and roared in despair:
"Why is my child as slow as a snail?"
I picked up the whip of urging over and over again, but with little success, and finally it hurt the child and tired in my heart.
Until I accidentally read the prose poem "Leading a Snail for a Walk" by Taiwanese writer Zhang Wenliang:
God gave me a task to lead a snail for a walk.
I couldn't go too fast, the snail had tried its best to climb, always moving a little bit at a time.
I urge it, I scare it, I rebuke it, and the snail looks at me with apologetic eyes, as if to say, "People have done their best!" ”
I pulled, I pulled, I even wanted to kick it, the snail was injured, it was sweating, gasping for breath, crawling forward...
"O God! Why? "There was silence in the sky.
Could it be that I was mistaken?! It turned out that God had told the snail to take me for a walk.
After reading it, I burst into tears.
I treat my children like rabbits, but God's intention is for me to raise my children as snails!
Raising children as snails, I finally recognized that rubbing is the nature of children.
There is no other way but respect.
Understanding this, I became Buddhist, calmed down, and my temper became better and better.
Every time I ask three times in a row: Is the homework done? Did you play the piano? Did you memorize the text?
My son always looked at me with a blank face: "Not yet." ”
After 20 minutes, he sat in front of the piano, holding his homework book and textbook, and was even more confused: "Mom, which one to do first?" ”
Studies have found that children's brain development is not yet sound, and memory and comprehension need to be improved.
So, in the face of a series of instructions from his parents, his first reaction is not "I should hurry", but "Which one am I going to do?" ”
Here's why: the more you urge the child, the slower she becomes.
Ever since raising my child as a snail, I've caught the trick:
"This hour, you write your homework."
"This afternoon, you just have to practice the piano."
Under a single command, the son's concentration became stronger and his efficiency became higher;
In an environment that is not urgent, the son is no longer sincerely afraid and is more interested in learning.
Once, I saw a story shared by a psychologist online:
A mother brought her daughter to see a doctor, and her words were full of anxiety:
The child is in the sixth grade, has difficulty concentrating in class, is struggling with homework, and she is worried about the child's ADHD.
As a result, after some conversation and testing, the doctor found that the little girl was all right, and there was no obvious problem in all aspects of her ability.
As for academic performance, they are also above 90 points.
Mom was obviously not very satisfied with the result and still stubbornly sought treatment from the doctor.
Psychologists also have to puncture the truth: "If you think that there is a problem with the child, it is possible that the problem is not necessarily the child, but you." ”
Doctors helplessly said: Parents often pull what they think is "rubbing" children to come to the doctor, and some children even go to kindergarten.
The doctor asked, "How long can the child listen when he is usually studying?" ”
One mother replied, "The child's receptivity is very poor, only 10 minutes." ”
The doctor said: "If it is normal to be able to persist for 5 minutes, how long do you have to pursue it?" ”
Isn't that heartfelt?
Yeah, as parents, we've been judging fast and slow by our own standards.
However, the speed of the child's small world should not be defined by us.
There is a saying in Dear Andre that goes like this:
"We owe our children a 'slow education'. Parents should understand that correctly treating the rhythm of their children's growth is respect for life. ”
Indeed, when we hate our children' rubbing, have we ever thought:
Every child has their own rules of growth.
Since raising my child as a snail, I have completely given up running, jumping, and chasing, and chose to respect the "climbing" in the child's small world.
Sensing the rhythm of the child's growth, I found that every day, he has made small progress.
Raising children as snails, I had to give up comparison:
Other people's children are rabbits, my family is a snail, which is completely incomparable.
When I gave up comparison, I felt that the confusion was solved and the anxiety disappeared.
In the case of learning piano, my son's acceptance is indeed very poor.
In the training class on the same day, the Zhang family's mother has already shown off in the circle of friends that her children can play a song "Only mothers in the world are good".
As for my child, the teacher said the most: "Egg mother, your child should hurry up and practice..."
I vented all this resentment on the child: "Why are you so stupid? What others can do, you can't do? ”
The child held back tears and bowed his head.
Later, he enrolled his son in a roller skating class, but this time his performance was unexpected.
In just a few days, my son mastered the trick and became a man with the wind on the field.
In this matter, the son did not need anyone to urge, and every time he arrived at the point, he even turned against the guest: "Mom, can you hurry up?" It's almost late. ”
A very simple truth: the ruler is short, the inch is long, not every child is a rabbit, and the snail that is disliked has its own shining point.
I think of another popular article:
"My son, my mother believes that you are here to repay the favor."
The mother is a master's degree, the father is a doctor, and he is looking forward to his son's talent, but he was beaten in the face: "The son's academic performance is not good."
In order to let her son's academic performance go up, the mother exhausted the methods: applying for classes, asking one-on-one tutors, brushing olympic number questions for her son to tutor...
The result was counterproductive, and my son put on myopic glasses in the fourth grade because he stayed up late and his health deteriorated.
"I had to accept the reality that my children, indeed, were ordinary."
Letting go of comparison and anxiety, the mother found more and more advantages for her son:
Likes to study cooking, has a kind heart, knows how to be grateful...
"I was suddenly very moved, and I thought that my son would grow up to be self-reliant, whether it was as a chef, a security guard, or a courier.
After a day's work, he returned to his warm home, as a considerate husband, a responsible father, and when we were sick, he was willing to take patient care of us... Just grow up and grow old. ”
The famous violinist Isaac Stern once pointed to the school and said this:
"There's a genius in every window here."
Since raising my child as a snail, I no longer stare at his biggest shortcomings and learn to accept and discover more.
Snails climb very slowly, but one day, they will catch up with rabbits.
Even if you can't catch up, what can you do? He is already a snail who has done his best!
His persistence, hard work, self-discipline... Isn't that a brighter flash than a "good"?
I believe that a truly excellent child is never better than out, but loved out.
Raising children as snails, I learned to strengthen my own heart:
Don't be disgusted, I gave birth to it, I raised it.
My own children, even if slow as snails, can receive unconditional love.
Once, I often showed that sense of superiority in front of my children:
"Your father and I are both academic bullies, how did we give birth to such a scumbag as you?"
Remember when my son looked at me fiercely: "I can't do anything, right?" I hate Mom! ”
The contradictions continue to escalate, the parent-child relationship is rigid, and the son becomes more and more rebellious, simply breaking the jar and breaking it: "Anyway, in your eyes, I can't do anything." ”
Later, I no longer "only the theory of grades", my son failed the exam, I took him out to travel to relax, comforting: "Your mother also took the exam in the bottom of the exam that year, didn't she also enter the university?" ”
Who knows, the little boy was said to laugh, and he was a little embarrassed: "Mom, I didn't do well in this exam, next time I will work hard!" ”
Think about it, even the gold medal to win the soft world championship, but also gave up the struggle:
Once, Deng Yaping, Wang Nan, and Zhang Yining, the great devils of national table tennis, met in the same frame and lived together, and talked about children during the period.
I hurriedly pricked up my ears to get the parenting scriptures, but the ending was surprising:
Take Wang Nan, for example, at the beginning, he let his children practice ball on the grounds of exercising, and wanted to lead his children to the professional road.
A few years later, Wang Nan despaired:
"After a few years of training, I think it's just a matter of exercising."
She kept complaining:
"I retired as a professional player, and I wanted my kids to play well, and the result would be angry.
After each training session, we were both particularly unfriendly.
So the child will say, Mom, let's not play table tennis, obviously the relationship is very good, and in the end you are not happy, I am not happy. ”
When zhang Yining arrived, she also smiled bitterly and agreed:
"Anything can be done, but when it comes to playing table tennis, I can't make it up, I really can't teach children."
I sent the kids to the coach for 2 hours. I had only been in for 20 minutes, and it was pressed down on fire, and it felt like it was burning. ”
Isn't there a lot of relief when you see this?
The video of Wang Nan playing with her daughter also opened my eyes:
My daughter accidentally threw the racket out as soon as she got on the court, and I was sitting waiting for the big devil's mother to turn her face.
Who knew that Wang Nan just smiled slightly and encouraged: "It's all right." ”
The black young dragon who sent all 4 children to a prestigious university once said this:
"It's easy for parents to think that their children's poor academic performance is hopeless, in fact, if they are raised slowly, such children may be better in the future."
Don't draw conclusions about your child's life now.
Children's upbringing should be slow, give them more space, let them slowly draw their own blueprint for life. ”
When I let go of my anxiety and put more energy into focusing on the parent-child relationship, I found that:
Give children a fertile soil of love and tolerance, and snails can also quickly transform and accelerate growth.
I have seen the book "Child, You Take Your Time" by the well-known writer Long Yingtai before, which has this paragraph:
I sat on the stone steps illuminated by the slanting sun and watched this child with clear eyes concentrate on one thing.
Yes, I'm willing to wait a lifetime for him to tie this bow with ease, with his five-year-old fingers.
Child, you take your time, take your time. ”
What a beautiful picture!
After raising the child as a snail, I suddenly realized:
Immediate education is a myth, and the growth of children is itself a process that requires patience and waiting.
Not impatient, not anxious, accompanied by snail children to take it slowly, the child is comfortable, I am refreshed.
I also firmly believe that the little snail that "rubbed" walked slowly, but it must go far.
Source | Daughter pie (ID: nverpai), about the dry goods of raising daughters, here are all there; about the bittersweet of raising daughters, here are all understood; may they be pure in life, knowledgeable in life, and decent in one life.
Typography | Zheng to the north
Image | Partly from the figureworm idea
Music | Stone Piano - you don't have to worry
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