"Why don't you go out and play with other kids?"
"How do you watch your toys get robbed and not know you're going to get back?"
"To learn to share, don't you want to be so stingy, okay?"
Isn't that familiar? Their own children cowered and did not dare to communicate with other children. Even the toy was "snatched" away by other friends, but only knew to hold your hand and say: "Mom, you go to help me get back." ”
That's right, that's "social skills." Some children seem to be natural social experts, attracting people everywhere they go. Some children are particularly timid, and no matter where they go, they hate to hide in a corner that others can't see.
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But you know what? There are "milestones" in the development of children's social skills. To develop children's social skills, we need to take one step at a time. The upbringing method of seedlings does not work.
"Milestones·" What is it? Like an exam? Will there be a limit on the score? Dear moms and dads, please put aside your anxiety. The first thing to do is not to label your child's social skills.
If we were to divide social milestones by age, we would need to go through four stages. Next, we take a detailed look at these four stages.
The self-centered "self-awakening" phase
Moms and Dads usually see their children's "selfish" behavior, which is what we call "self." "Self" - "conflict" - "cooperation" is the inevitable process of the development of children's social skills.
If a child is asked to skip the "ego" and go straight into the process of "cooperating" with other children, just as a child cannot walk, we ask him to run. Obviously, such a request is not reasonable.
The "self" stage occurs when the child is about one year old. Children at this stage like to play with themselves and themselves, or like to play with mom and dad, and some other people who take care of him.
It is not difficult for us to find that children in this period are easy to "recognize birth". They like familiar people to accompany them, and if a stranger wants to hug them, the child may resist in the form of crying and making a fuss.
What should mom and dad do in the face of a baby who likes to "recognize birth"? We can try to take the child out and walk around more, so that the baby realizes that the outside world is big except for the people at home!
A "self-discovery" phase with a strong sense of sovereignty
After more than a year of "self-awakening", the child will gradually realize that he is an independent person. "Mine" became their mantra.
At this time, whether the thing at hand is a child or not, they will always hold it tightly in their arms and loudly declare the sovereignty "Mine!" ”
With a "mine", should we decide that this child is too selfish? On the contrary, only by experiencing the fun of "my" means that the child takes the first step in social life.
Neighbors come to visit with their children, and the baby always guards the toys in his hand and is reluctant to share them with each other. Because they were afraid: if I let him play with my stuff, I wouldn't have it.
In the face of such a situation, on the one hand, we must respect the child's "sense of sovereignty", on the other hand, we must also tell the child what "your, his, everyone's" means. That way, he would no longer treat everything as "mine."
Begin to enjoy the "conflict phase" of friendship
By the age of 3, children have more interest and play with other children. They no longer claim sovereignty to other children.
Children at this stage begin to enjoy the joy of friendship. They try to play with toys together, but in the process of "cooperation", conflicts occur one after another: biting, hitting people, grabbing toys, throwing tantrums.
In the face of such a situation, parents should not be anxious and anxious. Know that every conflict is an opportunity for children to exercise and grow.
Two children clash in the game, and as parents, there is no need for us to win or lose. There is no need to yell to help the child "get justice".
Whether the child has been wronged or he has bullied others, it should not be our focus. Let children learn more social skills, is the focus.
Inseparable good friends mean that the stage of "learning to cooperate" has arrived
When children have inseparable good friends, it means that they begin to "cooperate" in the true sense of the word. Children at this stage have a "like-minded" meaning.
Achieving the same goal and completing the same task is the common wish of children at this stage. At this stage, children will be friendly and discuss with their friends, "Let's play together!" ”
Let children experience the fun brought by cooperation, which is the goal of parents at this stage. The process of children's efforts and the cooperation between teams are far more important than winning or losing.
If there is a conflict between the child and the peer again, mom and dad can try to "slow down." Don't rush to help your child solve the problem, try to let the child solve it by himself.
Even if the child really can't resolve the conflict, we have to be a qualified listener. And try to comfort the child: "It's okay, you are good friends." And encourage children to think and thus solve problems.
When the child is "social panic", what can parents "help" the child?
1. When children appear to be "out of place", we may wish to ask ourselves first: Is this the "only way" for the development of children's social skills?
2, when the child is bullied, remember to remind yourself: help the child master more coping methods, far more important than for the child to be angry.
3. When you are worried about your child's reluctance to play with other children, please tell yourself that social skills can be cultivated.
Well, today's parenting experience is shared here. I hope that all children can learn to live comfortably with the world.