Seriously the second child, I think that as long as the conditions allow, especially the elderly can help, then it is still possible to have another one, but the family that is ready to have three children still has to be fully prepared, and this preparation is not only material.
A mother of three children has just given birth to three children for only two or three months, and the care of the child is basically on her own (the child's father is very busy, often can not eat at home), and as a result, she was saddened by another child who had just entered the first grade.
Children have poor concentration in learning, and the most prominent point in his narrative is that "homework that can be completed in half an hour must be written for several hours".
In fact, when I saw this problem, I felt a little incredible, but considering the special situation of the family, I understood, in fact, this problem is not very difficult to solve, it may be that my mother is too busy and anxious every day, so that I have not been able to calmly sort out the problem.
Problem likelihood analysis
In this case, parents do not panic, the first thing to confirm is whether the child is not attentive to learning, procrastination is occasional, or always.
If it is occasional, then the problem is not big, it must be that the child has encountered something, and the problem can be found by talking to the child at this time.
I'm afraid that the child will always be like this.
If the child has always been in such a state of learning, then I suggest that parents ask the child's teacher to see some of the child's performance in school, and then we combine all the questions to analyze.
My preliminary judgment will probably be as follows:
1. Children may have ADHD or sensory system disorders.
One or two questions of the child are definitely not sure whether these two possibilities are possible, which is why I ask parents to ask the child's teacher.
If we combine the various problems, we will probably have a judgment.
Of course, the best way should be to take the child to check it, this matter does not have to worry too much, even if there is a real problem due to the early detection, then the effect of the intervention will be better, will not affect the child's normal learning and development.
2, it may be that the child wants more attention.
I actually prefer my child's performance to this reason than the above reasons.
And I think that's quite a possibility.
Because there are three children in the family, the youngest is only two or three months old, and this child who has already been in the first grade is actually a child himself. Because there is another child in the family, it is inevitable to divide a part of the past attention to him, especially the baby is only two or three months old, which also leads to a parent who will accidentally divide a lot of attention.
This is a problem that the Dolly family must face, and it is difficult to hide from it.
Don't look at the children small, they are quite sensitive.
Therefore, in the Doll family, if the older child has some "problem" performance, we parents must not only look at the problem itself, but also analyze whether there is a child who deliberately shows various conditions to attract the attention and concern of parents.
This habit of analyzing problems must be adhered to by parents in the first one or two years.
Suggestions for solving problems
I have the following two suggestions for parents experiencing similar problems for reference:
1, you can not go to the hospital for examination, but the communication with the child's teacher should be done immediately.
Generally speaking, children are in such a state at home, and there may be many problems at school.
When solving these problems, parents must pay attention to a principle - the child's shortcomings do not have to rush to ask the child to correct, especially do not move out of the "teacher said" to scare the child, forcing the child to correct immediately.
The main purpose of parents doing this is to find problems more comprehensively, rather than finding reasons to criticize their children.
Solve the problem by trying to use the positive way of "praising the good".
Here you can say "the teacher said", so that the child clearly knows that he is concerned by the teacher and your group.
For example, we can tell a child, "The teacher said you performed better on xx than before." ”
But to tell the child "why it is better" and "how to do it better", for example, when it comes to raising your hand to answer the question, we can say that "the teacher thinks that it is because you know that actively answering the teacher's questions can improve the quality of your own lectures, and in order to be able to better answer the right questions, you will also do a lot of pre-class preparation..."
This not only affirms the child, but also tells the child what the right thing to do is.
For such a big child, the role of encouragement and appreciation will be more effective than discipline and criticism, and after praise, you can choose one or two problems that are not particularly difficult to solve to encourage children - "If you can go further and work harder in xx, it will be better."
But you can't just say such "empty" words, as said above, it is important to make the "process" clear to the child and let the child know "how to do it".
In fact, just like the "study well" thing, all children know that it is important to study well, the problem is that most children do not know how to do it to learn well, and some children know how to do it but can't stick to it, and what we have to solve is actually these specific problems.
Let the child feel that he is being concerned, especially his good performance is not only not only concerned, but also affirmed, then the child will still be willing to take the initiative to overcome a lot of difficulties and do more things.
On the contrary, if we emphasize too many deficiencies, it is true that many times we can achieve the effect of "causing attention", and the child lacks cognition of "right and wrong", then it is likely that because we emphasize "insufficient" and cause the child to cringe, because the child will be afraid of the result of criticism "in case of doing wrong and not doing a good job".
This point is expected to be paid attention to, whether at school or at home, whether it is learning or non-learning things in this age group as far as possible in this way.
2. Try to give your child an "exclusive time to accompany"
Don't parents say that "half an hour" can be written? We think that the parents' judgment is accurate, that is, the child should indeed be able to complete these assignments in half an hour.
So is it true that parents can't take this half an hour to accompany their children to complete their homework?
If not for 20 minutes, can't it?
Can't you accompany for 10 minutes or 10 minutes or 5 minutes or 5 minutes?
If you can, turn this time into her own "exclusive reading time".
When accompanying is to accompany wholeheartedly, the principle of adhering to is still said above - more affirmation of the child's positive performance, to give the child a positive energy.
Parents who write too slowly can say: "You write really carefully, the future words can definitely be written very beautifully, and now the writing is not good because of your lack of wrist strength, it doesn't matter, as long as you write carefully, slowly it will get better and better ..."
When the child starts to be a little distracted and not focused enough, the parent can say: "(⊙o⊙) Wow, you have insisted on writing seriously for 10 minutes, it is really great, you study hard to look so cute and awesome!" Let's hold on a little longer and see how long we can stay like this? ”
Children always write wrong, write badly and start to be a little irritable, we can say: "It doesn't matter if you write wrong, every time you write wrong, we see where it is wrong, whether it is too anxious or not carefully observed, as long as you can pay attention to these problems and mistakes will be less and less, you see that you have made great progress before..."
The child should not interrupt the child and affect the child in the process of writing, and when the child finishes writing something or finds that the child is about to sit still, then say this, which will divert the child's attention back to the homework.
Of course, this "exclusive time" should not be limited to just "exclusive reading time".
There are many things we can do during this time, or we can have a "dedicated time" for a child in many things - such as reading a book together, chatting together, playing something together, doing something together, and so on.
In short, parents should make children feel that they have not been ignored because of the arrival of their little brother/sister through practical actions, which avoids the possibility of children trying to attract parents' attention by making mistakes.
3. Let children participate in family life.
Whether it is taking care of the three treasures, playing with the three treasures or letting the children do some housework, you can do it.
In the process, we must also adhere to the above-mentioned encouragement and recognition.
How to make children willing to do some things, in addition to the fact that the things themselves have a certain attraction, many things depend on what they will get after doing this thing, some may be the satisfaction, achievement, happiness brought by the things themselves, and some may be what they can get by doing these things.
Whether it's learning, interests, or anything else, most things are like this.
In the environment of this three-child family, it is very likely that the child lacks his own "attention".
So if the child feels that there are some things that are "not okay without you" and "you are important", it is actually to make the child feel that he is valued and concerned.
Parents let their children feel that they are "needed" will stimulate their children's initiative in many things.
So don't be afraid of "tired children", don't be afraid of "affecting learning", really empower the child's psychology, the child will not feel tired when doing a lot of things and may feel very happy.
To say something that many people may not believe, when my child was in the lower grades of elementary school, we turned the "doing paper" thing into a kind of "reward" - only if you perform well enough, we will give you a set of test papers for you to do, so that you can get the satisfaction and joy after doing the test paper...
Of course, that is, it was useful at that time, the child was not stupid, and after the big one, this trick was useless, but some habits, attitudes and understandings were subtly cultivated for the child in such a process, and these will bring a lot of positive impact on the child's later learning and life.