A minister of education once said two words specifically to parents:
"Parents should have a scientific educational concept and have reasonable expectations for their children."
In simple terms, it is:
For children to do it, parents do it first;
If the child is not allowed to do it, the parents do not do it first;
Parents can not do, never force children to do;
What the child wants to do, the parent rationally guides the child to do.
Parents are the children's leaders, and every word and deed is related to the child's character cultivation and growth and development.
Every parent loves their children, but parents who are eager to become talented may inadvertently force themselves into "dragon door knife makers" and hurt their children without knowing it.
Here are five knives and see how many you've used.
Do you know what methods you can use to raise your children?
It was a coddling of him.
Children have a superior status in the family, special care everywhere, do what they want, and give what they want.
There is a saying called "habitual children are like killing children", the easier it is for parents to satisfy their children, the easier it is for children to not show up.
Babysitting for the child will not only ruin the child, but also make the child feel that the parents' efforts are deserved, and it is easy to raise "white-eyed wolves".
Su Mingcheng in the TV series "All Is Good" is a typical "nibbling on the old" family, and "nibbling" is straight, and Su Mu is the "culprit" who connived at him to nibble on the old.
He is like the kind of spoiled bear child we often see in our lives, feeling that the whole world is going to revolve around him, willful and grumpy.
When looking for a job, Su Mu pays money; when she gets married, Su Mu pays money; when she buys a house, Su Mu pays money; when she renovates, Su Mu pays money.
In the end, Su Mu also put all the pension money into it.
After Su Mu's death, when Su Mingcheng had no age to chew, he forgot to love his parents. Even when he was taking care of his father, his heart was full of disgust.
At work, the muddy days, no goals and no direction, get by.
Eventually, his wife left him and went to jail herself.
In the original family, he has always been unconditionally satisfied, but out of this family, no one has satisfied him like that, and the little boy who was originally doted on has become a giant baby who has not grown up.
Regarding love, parents are always prone to extremes, either stingy in giving love, so that children lack love from an early age, or give too much and kill their children.
The growth of children, we can participate, but can not replace.
Know how to let go is the real love, you avoid the risk for the child, life will always be returned; the road you have walked for the child, the child will cry and walk again.
Psychological research has shown that:
In families where parents often quarrel, the detection rate of children's psychological problems is 32%, that of divorced families is 30%, and of harmonious families is 19%.
Parents slander each other, quarrel, and even fight with each other, not only will cause the child's fear, so that the child becomes inferior and sensitive, resulting in the child is irritable and violent, and has a violent tendency.
What is more serious is that it will make children full of disappointment in the family, affecting the future view of friendship and mate selection.
When he can't feel the love and warmth brought to him by his family, naturally he will not share his love and warmth with his family.
Before a parent in the background left a message saying:
"When I was a child, I often heard my parents quarrel, hiding in the room, feeling that every minute was a torment; later, when my parents quarreled, I would yell at my parents;
Now I slowly find that my temper is becoming more and more grumpy, my mood is not good, I love to drop things, and I can't control my emotions at all. ”
Parents are the child's first teachers and are the main objects of learning and imitation of children.
This boy, affected by this bad family atmosphere, also became grumpy.
If there is a conflict between the views of the two people, you can calm down first, talk about it afterwards, and if you really can't help it, you must avoid the child and discuss it again.
Not denigrating one's partner in front of one's children is a form of parenting.
The famous writer Liu Yong once said: "Children who have been in the shadow of being compared to their parents for a long time cannot feel the respect of their parents for themselves, and they cannot feel the affirmation and appreciation of their parents."
Their hearts are like a barren and desolate land, lacking the vitality and vitality that originally belonged to a child. ”
Casually comparing children to others is one of the worst forms of education.
If you say who is the biggest "enemy" of Chinese children? It must have been someone else's child.
Many parents always use a high-magnification lens to see the advantages of other children, use a microscope to see the shortcomings of their children, and turn a blind eye to the advantages of their own children.
In the process of trying to gain the approval of their parents, children will use the requirements of their parents as the standard of behavior rules.
When children are young, their judgment is often weak, they do not know whether the parents' requirements are reasonable, but they try to become children praised by their parents, and gradually, the children lose their judgment.
When children do not get the approval of their parents, they will have a sense of inferiority and feel that they are inferior to other children.
Parents should understand that every child is an independent individual, and there is not much comparison. It is good to be able to learn the strengths of others, but it is more important to cultivate your child's personality.
The more parents love to compare, the more inferior the child is, and the more powerless he grows.
On the contrary, the more parents believe, the more confident the child is, and the better he grows.
Believe in the child and wait for the flowers to bloom.
In today's family education, there is a common phenomenon: parents like to constantly advise, constantly remind, and constantly supervise.
Parents have been nagging to their children, which is equivalent to turning their words into noise, and over time, the child will be selectively deaf, the left ear is in and out of the right ear, what to do, so that parents are more mad.
In fact, nagging is the most useless tutor, and it can even backfire.
The never-ending nagging is a bombardment of mental fatigue for the child.
Endless preaching and criticism will only make children feel disgusted, provoke children's hostility, and make the contradictions between parents and children constantly tense.
Therefore, many children reach adolescence, when faced with the nagging of parents, they have a rebellious psychology, and the child's heart is often:
"The more you tell me to do it, the less I do it."
Nagging is a negative emotion of parents, which is actually a control over the child's body and mind.
In order to escape, the child will develop resistance, will initiate selective deafness to refuse or resist the nagging of the parents, not only do not want to listen, but also turn the "attack" on you into a "defense".
When children build a firewall against their parents, it is easy to reject the love and care we want to pass on.
Let the nagging become just the right ding-dong.
Instead of nagging, parents should adopt the strategy of talking less, listening more, and acting more, letting go in moderation, and letting children try and explore on their own.
Remember the 14-year-old boy who jumped off a building in Wuhan Jiangxia No. 1 Middle School?
A 14-year-old boy was playing poker in a classroom when he was invited by the teacher to be a parent.
The boy's mother rushed to see her son standing in the corridor and slapped her twice.
Next, the boy pinched his neck and poked his forehead.
After his mother left, he stood in silence for two minutes, then suddenly climbed up the railing and jumped down.
After rescue, the boy was too badly injured and left this world forever.
In the crowded corridors of the teaching building, in front of the classmates who lived day and night, his self-esteem was slapped to the ground by two slaps and shattered into slag.
Whether it is because of a momentary anger, or want to teach the child a lesson, but the result is that the child is pushed onto the road of no return.
After the incident, I suddenly remembered a sentence I had read before:
"I didn't think about killing my parents before, but I've tried to kill myself countless times and give them my life back."
It's so poignant.
Children who have been beaten by their parents for a long time and verbally violent, their psychology is difficult to be sunny and healthy.
Hitting a child is not love, it is a parent's excuse to vent with love.
Perhaps in the juvenile period, beating children can play a temporary role, but when children grow up, children are prone to inferiority, timidity, and even hatred and hostility.
The beatings and scolding they have been subjected to in childhood will become their separation from their parents, with those close to them, and from society.
When a child has a problem, it is often a problem with the family education as the source.
Parents must check themselves in time, do not let you make the wrong way of education, delay the growth of children.
Educating children is a compulsory course for every parent, and whether they can "pass the test" will take a lifetime to learn.
Everybody cheers!