OK Mom said: Many of the behaviors of children will drive us crazy. Most of the time we will guide positively, but the child is not in the oil and salt, repeatedly taught and unchanged, what to do? Just like the eldest son of his friend Esther for 2 years after he was 3 years old, he inexplicably only pulled the rice dumplings in his pants, and he did not want to pull them in the toilet. Esther searched for the cause and tried his best to solve it, but he couldn't solve it. Even the best temper finally collapsed, and peacefully Esther finally got angry and desperate, and directly threw his pants with at his son... But there are accidents in life from time to time, when she completely gave up and completely "admitted" her son's love, the baby actually returned to normal! This special experience made Esther suddenly understand that countless things in parenting are actually the same, and when it happens, we will be very anxious and persistently must solve it, but looking back, even if we do our best, there is always a state of "out of control", and there are too many mysteries in growing up. Text: Esther
1. The son's stools are scattered throughout the house
I used to hear sensational anecdotes about my friend's son "1-year-old hand rubbing sticks", but I never thought that things would also happen to my children.
When my son Cone was 2 and a half years old, he quit the daytime diaper, and he could take the initiative to tell him to go to the toilet with the assistance of adults, but he didn't think that when he was 3 years old, he suddenly regressed, and he didn't want to pull the rice in the toilet! Regression is gradually showing signs. At first, it was occasionally pulled in the pants, and when it was found, it was carried to the toilet to pull the ribs; later, it began to reject the toilet, even if it sat up, it could not be pulled out, but as long as it came out of the toilet, it would be productive in a short time. This situation has brought a lot of trouble to my family's life. When I go out, I bring a few more pairs of pants, or put diapers on him again, and keep monitoring at all times. At home, the cones learned to hide, and each time the cone appeared in different corners of the home, under the sofa, next to the bookshelf, on the bedroom floor, and the most terrifying thing was the pillow side!
Every day, I stared at the clues, nervous when I saw the brown object on the ground, and prayed that I would not step on the "luck" one day.
2. Guide gently and firmly, without any use at first, I will calmly give him positive guidance: "Next time I will pull it in the toilet." "But after a while, there was no effect. However, I am a new-age mother who believes in scientific parenting and does not fight or scold, so I continue to try new methods. Thinking that maybe the child thought that squatting on the toilet was too boring, I decided to introduce the game force. As soon as he went to sit on the toilet, I took out his favorite picture book and moved a small bench to sit aside: "While you are pulling the rice, your mother reads the picture book to you, okay?" "One, two... I read with emotion and eyebrows, and he said, "Mom, I can't pull it out." ”
The game didn't work, and I thought of trying "role-playing" again.
I played a lump of shit: "I'm a little cone in the cone, I'm looking for my mother, ah, let me out." Hey? How did I block it? Cone cone, let me out! Woohoo ~" After ten minutes of hard work, the cones laughed, and the scene was very harmonious at one time. But after the laughter stopped, I still heard the last thing I wanted to hear, "Mom, I can't pull it out." ”
3. Trying to find the cause in every way, but trying to find a reason that can be reasonably explained during the period when I have no solution. I've always heard of sex period, will this be it? Hurry up to check the information, the book's explanation of the desire period mainly refers to the fact that children between 1 and 2 years old will obtain pleasure through the retention and elimination of feces, generally this period is at most to 3 years old, and the maintenance time is about 2 months to half a year. The son started from the age of 3, and it has been more than half a year, so this comparison does not seem to be very similar. I thought again, could it be a psychological regression caused by the second child? At that time, the younger brother had just turned 1 year old and would crawl around, was it the younger brother who made him feel the pressure of "competition" and made him want to imitate the behavior of young children to win the attention of his parents? So I began to adjust my time allocation, focusing most of my attention and companionship on the Dabao cones. For the younger brother is almost "sheep herding" state, just take care of the brother's eating and drinking Lasa, other times the whole family revolves around the brother, I guarantee that I have high-quality parent-child time with him every day. But the situation still did not get better, and the cones still pulled the stool on the pants, just not in the toilet.
(Most of the playtime protagonists are brothers, brothers are background boards) We really can't find the answer by our own cognition, we can only rely on medicine.
We took the cones to the children's hospital for a check-up, and the doctor prescribed two tests: (X-ray) lumbar sacral orthostatic position + (endoscopic) rectal manometry. The lumbosacral orthostatic examination was completed on the same day, and the conclusion was: there is no problem. Rectal manometry was measured about 2 weeks later. At the same time, the doctor also prescribed some toning drugs such as wheat cellulose granules.
After returning home and eating wheat fiber on the second day, I actually began to pull the rice dumplings normally, but I was not happy for too long, almost 1 week, and I went back to the old way! The rest of the test was not done later, because the endoscopic surgery of the rectal manometry was mainly aimed at the situation of defecation problems, and we judged that the situation of the cones was not a physiological problem of the defecation itself, but more of a problem of willingness, and it was inconvenient to run the hospital during the epidemic, so I still planned to continue to be at home, according to the doctor, to do defecation training.
4. Finally, my mentality collapsed, and the situation of throwing my pants with poop to my son to the cones continued, and I kept encouraging myself to be more determined, more patient, and insist that training might suddenly turn around one day. However, it may also be this expectation that makes each patience a cost recorded again and again, and in the process of accumulating my emotions, my mentality is becoming more and more unbalanced. Once, I saw that he was going to pull and quickly help him sit on the toilet, but it was too late, watching him stain the thick winter pants, the toilet seat, the floor, and my clothes a little! I was on fire and yelled at him, "Is it interesting to use this trick to attract my parents' attention?" The pants are dirty, are you comfortable yourself? Mom accompanies you to the bathroom and you don't cooperate, what are you thinking? After the indignant speech, I found that the surrounding area was quiet, and the baby looked at me with a wooden face. I breathed a sigh of relief and asked, "What did Mom just say?" He replied with wide innocent eyes: "I forgot." "I lost, but I managed to control my emotions. After one dinner, I asked him out for a walk. The little guy glued to me as he walked, and it seemed that the atmosphere was good. I asked him in a good voice, "Can you tell your mother why she doesn't want to be pulled in the toilet?" Do you want to be changed by your mother like your brother? Seeing that he was sullen and did not speak, I continued to push my heart: My mother loves my brother and loves you, even if you are not a baby, I like the cones that grow up. If you spend a lot of time washing pp and washing your pants, your mother will be tired and will not have so much time to play with you... The night is quiet, and the child listens quietly, as if he understands something! The atmosphere was so good that I couldn't help but want to brag about my patience with my children.
I didn't want to go home for 15 minutes, and he pulled on his pants again... I've had enough! At that moment, I was like an angry lioness, and nothing positive discipline or gentleness and firmness had anything to do with my half a cent! I grabbed his dirty pants, rubbed the onto his stripped legs, and yelled at him, Don't you feel dirty? Do you have to disgust me every day? Well, then I'll let you try it too! "The cones burst into tears ~ Although I regretted it afterwards, the despair in my heart at that time was unforgettable.
5. After I completely "let go", although the situation was repeated, it began to improve every year for my son's birthday, I wrote a postcard for him, with a few photos of his life, and put it together into a page, I hope that when he is 18 years old, I can receive a gift that records his growth. And in my son's 4th birthday book for 2020, I wrote such a page. "(You) are always pulling in your pants, can you tell us why when you grow up?"
That's right, I wrote down the questions that puzzled me the most during the year. But it was also at that moment that I felt that I had accepted a star, a child who should have the ability to control but wanted to pull the stick in his pants. Anyway, what I can do has been done, I have tried my best, it is better to let go of myself, but also let go of my son, I will simply spend every day happily with this star person. But interestingly, my son's condition slowly improved from that moment on. In the second half of the year, my son went to kindergarten, and the matter of pulling the rice on his pants continued, but fortunately, he had few accidents at school, and he usually stayed until he returned home and then pulled it on his pants. In addition, since I was going to let myself go, my focus has shifted. I always thought about training before, now I put my focus on prevention, I have already practiced the golden eye of fire, as long as he pokes his ass I know he is going to shit, and the frequency of pulling him to the toilet and washing his pants is greatly reduced.
(Probably this is the posture)
6. After 2 years of "torture", the problem was suddenly solved one day after the cone went to the middle class, I found that there are many "small problems" that do not involve principle, but need to have a better management method to help children establish a sense of autonomy, such as brushing their teeth in the morning, getting up and dressing, cleaning up toys and always loving to procrastinate. Inspired by the Lacan incident, I began to accept the child's "ignorance" for a period of time, no longer nagging vigorously, and staring at the child tightly. I packed the cones and other small habits in life together to design a "growth KPI", the rules are as follows: as long as the adult is willing to sit on the toilet after the reminder, you can get 1 growth coin, take the initiative to punch in other "good habits", you can also get a growth coin, collect 10 coins, get a super flying man sticker. He cheered and went to the coin every time, and from time to time he took it out to count. When I got the sticker, I carefully pasted it on the wall at the head of the bed, not wanting to throw away a single one.
(Happy number "coin" cone) But once I forgot to remind, he would still pull in his pants. But because of the early adjustment of mentality, at that time, my requirements have been put very low, and the reminder can be done is progress, so I am no longer harsh. The days go by day by day. But I didn't think about it, two days before my 5th birthday, the cones suddenly announced to me, "I want to do my own thing!" "I'll always remember that afternoon, he was concentrating on playing with Lego when he suddenly rushed to the bathroom. A few seconds later, he shouted excitedly: "Mom, I pulled it out ~" It was so sudden that such a big change occurred, and I first performed the complex emotions of joy, surprise, and relief in my heart with great enthusiasm, and wow wow. The cones are naturally too happy to be happy. Every day after that, he consciously rushed into the bathroom and came out to greet the applause and cheers of the whole family. After a while, he asked himself to wipe PP, I taught him skills, how to use paper, how to fold tissues, which position to wipe, he quickly mastered in place... Finally, the problem of my son, Lacang, who has plagued me for two years, is over! Life is good, parenting is good, sometimes it is so wonderful, grow up, the problem will be solved. There is no clear reason, no inevitable reason, but the problem is solved. Perhaps it should be said by many people who have come over: when you grow up, you will be fine, looking back, everything does not need to be so anxious ~ sharing this experience today is also to give a little comfort to the mothers who are struggling with various problems for their children!