It is often said that happy families are the same, but unhappy families have their own misfortunes.
This sentence is applied to parenting: people who really understand education, the methods of raising children are similar, but people who do not understand education are always keen to use various methods to attack and limit the growth of children.
So how do those who really understand education educate their children? What do they have in common?
Liang Qichao: You must guide your child's fun
As a model parent, Liang Qichao's nine sons and daughters are outstanding in character, talented and have their own achievements!
Regarding education, Liang Qichao said: "We must guide children's fun! In the early years of life, the fun is the most intense, and the sky-high price is chaotic; if he is not led to the road of higher taste, they must flow into the inferior taste. We advocate fun education to give children or young people a taste that can be used for life when the interest of children or young people is strong and the direction is not decided. ”
So how should parents guide their children's fun?
Only by following the child's own interests and hobbies, parents observe and correct some of the child's deviations without a trace, can they truly establish the interests and hobbies that follow the child's life.
Lu Xun: Protect the child's vitality and skepticism
Lu Xun once said: "Taming and the like are not evil virtues. But development has begun, and it is not a virtue to be tamed in everything, and perhaps it is simply not a good thing. Of course, the words of 'Dad' and the predecessors must also be listened to, but they must also be reasonable. If I had a child who thought he was inferior to others and bowed backwards, or was smiling and always plotting dark arrows, I would rather hear him scold me in front of my face for 'something'... However, the general trend in China is only developing towards the aspect of taming and so on, 'Jing', with low eyebrows and pleasing eyes, only promises, which is a good child, and the name is 'interesting'. Lively, healthy, tenacious, chest uplifting... Whatever belongs to 'moving', then some people will shake their heads..."
Yang Dai: A good education should inspire children's interests
Yang Dai believes that education is discipline, education is passive, children are the happiest around their parents, love how naughty is how naughty, generally always the parents' proposition, saying "this child should go to school." On the first day of school, the child put on new clothes and shoes, took a new school bag, and joyfully said, "School!" "But when I come back from school, most of them don't want to be disciplined anymore unless the teacher coaxes them well."
I experience that "good education" is first of all to inspire people's interest in learning, to learn consciously, to cultivate people's self-motivation, and to guide people to be eager to learn and constantly improve themselves. Let students be educated unconsciously and let them subtly. The role of role models in this regard is very important, and words are not as good as examples.
Nan Huaijin: We must understand the child's disposition and respect the child's hobbies
Parents who truly love their children must first understand their children's disposition and not impose their own wishes on their children.
Nan Huaijin believes that most of the education in ancient and modern China and abroad has made a mistake, and parents often subconsciously pin their wishes on their children that they cannot do in their lives, but they forget the sexual orientation and essence of their children.
Education, first of all, to understand the direction of a child's temperament ... Because teachers and others don't necessarily really know every student in their entirety. At present, parents only care too much about their children's education, but they do not pay deep attention to their children's endowments and dispositions.
Parents who truly love their children will respect their children's hobbies.
A person who likes engineering and insists that he study literature cannot do it.
There are many children who like to play with broken watches and toys since childhood, and parents will definitely punish him for not destroying things. In the eyes of educators, this child is a genius with mechanical talent, and he should be trained in this regard.
Mo Yan: Only good parents have good children
The biggest impact on people is family education.
Mo Yan believes that everyone receives family education at the earliest time from birth, and the most affected is also family education, which has been taught by words and deeds, and he even feels that body teaching is more important than words. You live in this family, your elders, your relatives, the way they treat work and others, which will have a very direct and subtle impact on children. Therefore, he feels that a good family style is indeed very beneficial to the growth of children.
Good parents are all learned.
There are no naturally successful parents, and there are no parents who do not need to learn, and successful parents are the result of continuous learning and improvement. I've been in contact with so many outstanding parents that none of them have easily succeeded.
Everyone must learn the relevant knowledge before becoming a parent, and the awareness and knowledge about how to be a parent is prepared as early as possible, the more adequate the better.
The child's problem is a reflection of the parent's problem.
Excellent children are mostly the result of quality education, and problem children are mostly the products of problem families. Most of the children's problems are not caused by the children themselves, but the refraction of the parents' problems, and the parents are often the biggest creators of the children's problems, and they are also the biggest obstacles for the children to correct their mistakes and shortcomings.
The most urgent thing is not to educate children, but to educate parents, without parental change there is no change in children. There are no children who do not want to learn well, only children who cannot learn well, no children who do not have a good education, only parents who will not educate. Therefore, scolding yourself before scolding the child, and hitting yourself before hitting the child, is the only way to completely change yourself.
It is not difficult to see that whether it is Liang Qichao's "fun in guiding children", or Lu Xun's "skeptical spirit of protecting children", or Yang Dai's "inspiring children's interests", Nan Huaijin's "understanding children's disposition and respecting children's hobbies", or Mo Yan's "good parents have good children"... These master-level figures really look at the child from the heart, know how to give the child love and freedom, and play an important role in the child's future success, talent, abundance, indifferent heart and invincibility.
The philosopher Fromm said, "Of all loving relationships, freedom is the most important." This sentence applies to parent-child relationship, husband and wife relationship, mother-in-law relationship, lover relationship, etc. In real life, we can see that almost all good relationships, without too much dogma and trivial control, allow the other party to do things according to their own wishes, accept that he is not good enough and less demanding.
Yin Jianli said: "To educate children, we must first talk about love and freedom. Only love can grow, only freedom in relationships is perfection; free children are the most self-conscious, and self-conscious children are happy. ”
This article is transferred from | Yin Jianli Parents Academy (yinjianlifumuxuetang)
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