I'm 35 years old and have been talking about depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder for 15 years. But the earliest compulsions were relatively not seriously affecting their lives and studies. But after the symptoms erupt, it seriously affects their state. Oversensitive to the use of objects in life and the pursuit of perfection, once the phenomenon of wear and tear of things is not good (whether it is caused by themselves or others), and then repeatedly analyze the process and reasons, sometimes accompanied by self-blame, but also subjectively think that this thing is not good, affecting the effect and value of its use, and produce anxious and uneasy bad emotions, while doing other things is also affected, obtaining other pleasures is also affected, and this negative emotion lasts for a long time and deeply.
Subjectively, I also know that this is a normal phenomenon when using things, and there should be no such cognition and reaction, but the emotion is repeatedly lingering, until a long time, or the wear and tear problem of this thing is solved, or there are new problems that slowly shift away before it will weaken or disappear. This feeling is very painful, and at the same time, I can't use things normally, either I am tired and careful, or I don't use them often, and this emotion also seriously affects my life.
Speaking of my depression is also very serious. Losing interest in everything for no reason, including the music I used to like, chasing dramas, reading books, etc., is boring. Inexplicably bored. Then more and more somatic symptoms begin to appear. The headache was unbearable, and my chest was like a big stone, and when I couldn't stand it, I used my fist to smash my head and smash my chest.
It is difficult to concentrate, the memory is intermittent, the things that have just happened are turned around and forgotten, the door key is held to find the key, the mind cannot keep up, and the ideology is completely catoned, just like the picture of the movie caton caused by the poor internet speed. Wash the dishes and knock over the basin, wash the chopsticks to break the dishes. The mind cannot stay in the present moment at all.
The most painful thing is insomnia, feeling that you have completely lost the ability to sleep. It feels like every night is under the torment of paying attention to time, struggling until dawn. Later, I couldn't stand it, so I went to the hospital, and the doctor prescribed sleeping aids. Although I took the medicine and felt that I could sleep for a while, I still felt that the whole person was very sleepy, very irritable, and my head was foggy and not awake. On the other hand, I am also psychologically very reluctant to take medicine, I always feel that I can't sleep by taking medicine, so is this life not over?
I don't want to go on like this in my life. I began to go around the Internet looking for treatments for obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression, and by chance I saw a patient talking about how he healed himself through the "meditation method" in a post bar about mindfulness treatment, in which he highlighted three books, namely "Overcoming Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder", "Emotional Self-Help", and "You Are Your Own Psychiatrist".
After reading his description of symptoms, I felt that his condition was much more serious than mine. I think he can be so serious, then I must have no problem.
To tell the truth, since I got this disease, I can't read books, but in order to make myself better, let alone force myself to read books, even if I eat books, I will insist.
Within two days, the book was received, and after reading the book, I was really inspired and encouraged. Three books are about different approaches. Tell me about my experience and summary:
The book "Overcoming Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder" mainly talks about "stopping the law". This approach is to allow yourself to live in the present moment by marking the training of the present moment. Principles are a method of mindfulness.
The main emphasis in the book "Emotional Self-Help" is the "oath law". This method is to change the negative thinking patterns of the subconscious mind through the training of positive ideas. Principles should be a method of positive psychology.
"You Are Your Own Psychiatrist" mainly emphasizes the "method of contemplation". This approach is to train our awareness and equanimity through the practice of observing (focusing) on the breath. The process of cultivating equanimity is the process of changing the past mental patterns of sensitivity, concern, paranoia, and perfectionism. This method is really very important, especially for my recovery from sleep, and it is of great help to my recovery. Speaking of which, these three methods really complement each other for me, a perfect combination.
Rehabilitation
I made a practice plan for myself. Practice meditation for 20 minutes every morning and evening, meditate silently, observe your breathing in and out, do not do any thinking, imagination, no matter how bad thoughts and emotions appear in the practice, do not participate, do not judge, just maintain equanimity.
Usually, I practice the "Oath Method" anytime and anywhere in the morning, sometimes read it out loud, and sometimes meditate on the practice in my heart, for example; I always hang on my lips to practice these 3 sentences:
1) I let go of the old thoughts of the past, I am the master of my own life, no one can hurt me, except myself, no one can make me unhappy, except myself, because I have decided not to treat myself with the good or bad of others.
2, sleep is my instinct, not the result of effort, seeking, as long as I maintain equanimity, sleep will happen naturally, will get better and better.
3) No matter how bad feelings and thoughts I have, I know that it is also impermanent, and all I have to do is to continue to be equal to all this, just to be equal.
In the afternoon, I spend more time practicing the Yi Zhi Fa, constantly describing the present moment, keeping myself aware, paying attention to the present moment, and reducing my own wild thoughts.
epilogue
After more than 6 months of practice, I felt like I woke up like a nightmare, especially my own sleep, after about 3 weeks of practice, it gradually improved, and the feeling of sleeping until I woke up naturally for a long time returned, which was also the main motivation for my determination to be firm and insist on practicing in the back.
In the past, I was a sensitive and indecisive person, but now, my mentality has become calmer and calmer, and I will no longer think about it as much as in the past. Be able to see everything that happens in life with impermanence.
A "beautiful" feeling is always accompanied by the heart, that is, a feeling of satisfaction and happiness for everything, it will be satisfied, happy, and grateful when eating, walking, sleeping, and in various situations.
Well, that's all, I want to use this passage to say to the patient: there is no knot that cannot be untangled, there is no obstacle that cannot be overcome. Keep moving forward, and eventually you'll be able to beat yourself.