"I love Nicole, she dances very well. Always take care of family chores, give me support, spur me forward, and know when to push me when I'm stuck... She could have been a movie star, but gave it all up for me..."
"I love Charlie because he is fearless, independent, clear about what he wants, and can accept all my emotions calmly and calmly..."
This is the beginning of the movie "Marriage Story".
This true confession of the protagonist Nicole and Charlie to each other, such a warm scene, is the memory of the couple who have been married for many years to part.
Entering into marriage with mutual affirmation and acceptance, Charlie, the husband of the theater director, has gradually taken his wife's efforts for granted for more than a decade.
After Nicole repeatedly said that the child wanted to be with his father every day, and that he wanted to learn to be a director and wanted to go back to Los Angeles for a while, Charlie was always perfunctory.
Finally, one of Charlie's infidelities became the last straw that overwhelmed Nicole, and the two went to divorce court.
The two people facing the breakup are still in love with each other. Praise, affirmation is true, love each other is also true, but the days can not be lived together. Because Nicole didn't get what she wanted from Charlie's love.
Loving each other but not being able to keep each other is the regret of marriage!
Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known marriage counseling expert, proposed in "The Five Languages of Love" that the purpose of love is not to get what you want, but to do something for the well-being of your loved one.
Charlie does not understand why Nicole wants to stay in Los Angeles, does not understand that Los Angeles is a garden house with clean windows, an inseparable family relationship, and more importantly, an opportunity to find a career.
He did not understand that in addition to the affirmation of the family's efforts, Nicole needed more encouragement, support and even assistance from Charlie in her career.
Love is a request, not a request. Charlie asks Nicole in the name of love to continue to be a good wife and mother, which naturally goes against Nicole's original intention of love.
This kind of love language should not appear in the life that Nicole planned.
Among the elements that Dr. Chapman summarized as constituting the language of love, affirmation and elaboration are prerequisites.
Charlie only did affirm her, and could not and did not want to concentrate on accompanying his wife to do what she liked.
The author emphasizes: It must be what is being said, and the elaboration is listening to something.
Nicole has always been a definite presence in Charlie's mind. After the divorce, Nicole was nominated for an Emmy Award, and Charlie still did not hesitate to affirm her: she is a good actress.
But he wouldn't listen, and no matter how talented Charlie was, he didn't know how to think about others, and his love could only make Nicole look from a distance.
At the end of the story, Charlie and Nicole are still excellent directors and actors in each other's eyes, and they are still good fathers and mothers of children.
The lack of love language makes them can only turn their backs.
The love that cannot read the other person's desires and ignores the needs will also become the killer of marriage.
There is a line in the movie "The Greatest Father": I once thought that the worst thing in the world was to end up alone, but in fact, it was not, the worst thing was to end up with people who made you feel lonely!
Being lonely in marriage is probably the greatest misfortune in life.
Therefore, let love spread softness, kindness, humility, courage and concentration, so as to live up to the original intention of love.
The happiest thing in life is not to meet love, but to be able to go from green silk to white hair with people who love each other.
Reading the language of love and dying together is the most perfect end of marriage.