What do you do when your child is in public and endlessly clamoring to buy toys?
When your child holds your lap and cries and wants to watch TV, how do you fix it?
I believe that some parents see their children crying, their hearts are soft, and they obediently agree to their children's requests.
Image source: Hohhot Benzhen Montessori Kindergarten
Especially parents who are usually very busy and do not have much time to take care of their children, when they encounter such a situation, they will carry a deep sense of guilt, and the child will buy what he wants, and he is not willing to refuse the child at all.
The growth of children needs the care of parents' "love", but the essence of love is not only to be satisfied, but also not to accommodate and meet the "happiness" of children.
Before the child is 6 years old, he must be willing to say "no" to him, otherwise the education of the child is only satisfied, and he will never grow up.
Say "no" to your child, this age is the most appropriate to start at
We often say that we should love our children, so that some parents "accept" the unreasonable demands of their children in their entirety, and they do not know how to reject their children.
In the face of their children's unreasonable demands, parents must have the courage to say "no" to their children.
When I visited the supermarket on the weekend, I found a little girl of about 5 years old, clasping her hands and frowning and sulking. The mother next to her was talking bitterly and trying to calm the child's emotions.
The little girl said to her mother with a straight face.
"Our family is much better, so let's buy it for you next time." The mother is still trying to dissuade the child.
“。 ”
Mom was forced to be helpless, so she had to say impatiently, "Okay, just this time, it can't be like this in the future."
Such a scene, since having a baby, will happen almost every three to five times.
Many parents always think, "This time to meet the requirements of their children, next time I will be stricter", but the truth is always the opposite.
From the age of 3, children's self-awareness has awakened, they will look at the face of their parents, they will often use crying, playing and other forms to seek their own needs, and to test the bottom line of their parents.
Some parents can't see their children crying, and when their children cry, they lose their square inches and forget all the rules they made before.
If the parent always chooses to tolerate when he should always say "no" to the child, the child's wayward behavior will be reinforced, and he will understand:
Therefore, after the child is 3 years old, he must be willing to say no to the child's unreasonable demands.
Education is only satisfied, and children will never grow up
Whether it is out of doting on children, or because of busy work, it is inappropriate to give children intimate love and companionship, and to use materials to make up for children's needs.
Image source: Spring Tree Children's Home (Huazhou Garden)
Blindly raising children materially and meeting the various requirements of children will only make children develop a mismatched concept of consumption, and even raise a child who does not know how to be grateful.
Behind many social cases, what is reflected is the unhealthy psychology caused by the excessive satisfaction of children in childhood.
For example, on the Wuhan Metro Line 2, which was reported in the news before, a girl had her hands in her pockets and her hands were empty, and her mother was holding a large bag of luggage.
Instead of understanding her mother's hardships, the girl frantically kicked her mother with her feet, suspected that her mother took her to the wrong subway, which made her unhappy.
An adult man in Shanghai, because he asked his mother for 20,000 yuan to repay the bank loan;
After her mother said she had no money, the man asked her to borrow money from relatives, and after her mother refused, she beat her directly on the street.
Many children who do not know how to feel sorry for their parents and do not respect their parents are not because their parents are very bad for them, but because they are too good to them and are spoiled by excessive "love".
Educating children must be early, so that children can experience the feeling of failure and rejection, which is also a kind of education.
Otherwise, if education is only satisfied, the child will never grow up, and will only raise a "giant baby" who does not understand gratitude.
Visionary parents say "no" to their children like this
When parents say "no" to their children, they must be emotionally calm and calm, and cannot discipline their children with emotions;
We can't be sneering at children, and we can't be right about things, which is the most basic bottom line for educating children.
1. Say "no" to the child's unreasonable demands
In life, when you find that your child sees other people's toys for fun and has to take them home; or when you take him shopping and see interesting things, it is obviously not suitable for his age group, and you do not listen to discouragement to buy them...
When the child has this "do not give up" mentality, you have to say "no" to his unreasonable demands.
The child may show crying or trickery, especially when he rejects the child for the first time, his psychology will not accept it, and he will continue to cry endlessly.
At this time, as a parent, do not scold the child, do not be reasonable at this time, and do not choose to leave, hide far away.
The best way is to quietly accompany him and watch him cry.
And tell him "you are not right to do this, you want to cry, I will accompany you, when you are emotionally stable, I will tell you what to do."
After the child cries for a while, he sees that your firm attitude cannot be shaken, and he calms down.
2. Use rules to positively restrain children's behavior
Instead of saying "no" to your child every time, it is better to set rules as early as possible and use rules to restrain your child's behavior.
Italian educator Dr. Maria Montessori said that children aged 3-6 are often referred to as the "wet cement period", when children are the most malleable and the best time to make rules.
If you do not make rules for your children before the age of 6, even the best education is useless.
In life, parents can establish the following 6 simple rules for their children.
Set up six basic rules for your child:
1. There can be no rough and vulgar behavior.
2. Other people's things cannot be taken, and their own things are at their disposal.
3. Where to put things back from where.
4. Toys and all public goods, who gets first and who uses first, the latecomer must wait.
5. Do not disturb others.
6. Apologize for doing something wrong and have the right to ask others to apologize.
Children have rules and boundaries in their hearts, and when they do things, they will understand what can be done and what cannot be done, and they can be responsible for their emotions, behaviors and attitudes.
3. When saying "no", be patient and explain clearly
It is easy to say "no" to the child, but the difficulty is that many parents cannot calm down and explain to the child why they want to reject him.
Hearing parents say "no," some children can't understand why their parents would reject their own demands.
Children are small, but they also need to be understood and respected.
If you just blindly say "no" to the child without explanation, this tough way will make the child stubborn and rebellious.
At this time, the patient explanation of parents is very necessary.
For example, it is time to go to bed, the child wants to eat sugar, in the face of the child's requirements, if the parent insists on "no", "no", and does not explain after rejecting the child, the child is difficult to understand, why not let me eat.
After rejecting the child, you can express it like this"! ”
After rejecting the child, patiently explain it and give specific suggestions, and the child can feel that his words are listened to by the parents;
Their ideas are also respected, and even if their parents do not agree to their requests, they will accept their suggestions smoothly when they think of them.
Raising a child is like grasping a handful of sand in your hand, grasping too hard, the sand will fall more; if you don't grasp it, it becomes a scattered sand.
The same is true of the requirements for treating children, and parents must be moderately satisfied and moderately rejected.
The child must understand that not all the requirements are met by the parents.
Let the child learn to accept rejection, which is the beginning of his true growth.
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