There is a saying that "every child is an angel sent by heaven", but for some "son-oriented" families, angels are also gender-divided, boys are a treasure, born with the expectations of their parents, they can get more love from their parents, and girls are the roots and grass, which is the foil for boys.
In the original work of "Golden Marriage", when Wen Li was pregnant with the first three children, she always had ardent hopes, hoping that they could be a boy, but each time her hopes were disappointed. The last time, she made up her mind that the child she didn't want got her wish, and it was a boy.
I have to say that this is a great irony: what you want is always not available, what you get is what you don't want, and when you don't want it, you get it.
In the face of such a treasure that she has been looking forward to for a long time, Wen Li doted on it very much, holding it in the palm of her hand for fear of falling, containing it in her mouth for fear of being broken, doting on her son to grow into a 1 meter 8 big, and staring at him every day to drink milk.
The imbalance of maternal love also creates an imbalance in family relations. The first is the relationship between husband and wife. In middle age, wen li and Tong Zhi's relationship has already been consumed in the quarrel between chai rice oil and salt and chicken feathers. After having a son, Wen Li threw herself on her son's body and ignored Tong Zhi, not only could not accommodate his position in the bed at home, but even forgot his birthday.
In the original work, Tong Zhi described the mood of having a son like this:
"Do I still have a wife and son?" I literally went back to the old society of all evils and lived in the depths of the waters. ”
In order to escape the forced family life and for his own career, Tong Zhi came to the third line, met Li Tianjiao, and regained the passion of his youth, while his soul also quietly derailed. He fell in love with Li Tianjiao, a fact that almost brought his marriage to Wen Li to an end. If it were not for Tong's mother hiding their hukou books, they would have been divorced, and there would be no golden marriage. Although there was no divorce, Tong Zhi's cheating was stuck in Wen Li's heart like a thorn, torturing her for most of her life until she was old.
The second is the parent-child relationship. The eldest Yanni was favored from childhood, and after having a brother, her mother's neglect of her made her unbearable, and she was not even around for her first menstrual leave. In the original work, Yan Ni cried to Tong Zhi:
"When girls are so unlucky, my mother doesn't take us seriously, and she only has a big treasure in her eyes." Dad, I really want to be a boy. ”
Over time, she began to get bored with school, made boyfriends outside, and made a lifelong relationship with people, but she met people who were unladylike, married a little leper, and had an unhappy marriage. If Wen Liduo pays more attention to her daughter, she will not wait until the man's mother comes to the door to know about this matter, raw rice has been cooked to maturity, and it is difficult to harvest it.
Because the second southerner was a girl, and it was difficult for the family to raise two children together at that time, he was sent to his grandmother in Sichuan to grow up and was sent back to primary school. Nanfang's parents are not around since childhood, insecure, even if she returns to her parents, she is afraid of being abandoned, and she can only make herself strong through learning.
The old three are more numerous, Tong Zhi and Wen Li take names to get perfunctory, and the care is also given less. From an early age, Toto was a little transparent, and after the birth of her youngest brother, she received very little love from her mother. As a result, she began to associate with different men, but she was unwilling to enter into marriage, frequent abortions, and caused irreparable harm to the body.
Although the doted-on Dabao received maternal love, this maternal love was too heavy to hinder his personal growth and development. Growing up under his mother's over-caring, he was like a giant baby, participating in robbery at a young age and carrying a stain. Usually it is not good to study, delicious and lazy, close to the college entrance examination before still thinking about being an actor, the result is not admitted to the film school, went to a specialty.
After Dabao graduated, he had no social experience at all, so he borrowed money to open a company with his parents to start a speculative business, relying on tax evasion and tax evasion plus bribery to make a profit, and the company ran directly after the accident. Later, because he was suspected of defrauding public funds, he entered the police station, and after coming out, he had a hard time changing his mind, and he died because of the drunk driving disaster, so that Wen Li and Tong Zhi experienced the pain of white-haired people sending black-haired people.
In the end, why Wen Li was so eager to give birth to a boy, she found out the reason after reading the original book twice.
Don't look at Wen Li on the surface is a new type of woman, who loves to read Soviet novels, watch movies, dance, drink coffee, and wear fashionable Braji, but in fact, she is still a traditional woman in her bones, influenced by the idea of "son preference", and is not lightly poisoned.
This kind of thinking is mainly derived from her mother's words and deeds. Mother Wen only gave birth to three daughters and has always regretted not having a son. In her own words to persuade Wen Li: This woman, or have to have a son, don't be like your mother, old and old, lonely.
Wen Li's two sisters have given birth to sons, only Wen Li is left, and even the three children are daughters. Mother Wen usually treats her grandson and granddaughter differently.
Wen Li is pregnant with the second child, it is not good to take Yanni, want to put the child in her mother's house, Tong Zhi said as soon as she heard it, your mother is a typical son preference, and will definitely not agree. Wen Li felt that her mother hurt her the most, and the eldest sister and the second sister and two sons were brought up by her mother, and her mother would agree.
When she went to her mother's house, she dismissed the idea. Her mother was busy knitting sweaters for her sister's eldest son with an unhappy look, and the rest of the scraps made a bib for Wen Li's daughter Yanni.
When Wen Li left, she did not say that she hoped that Mother Wen would help take care of Yan Ni for a few months. The performance of the mother is also indicative, the boy knits woolen pants, and the girl knits the bib. This also made Wen Li make a decision to send Yan Ni to full care.
Growing up around this patriarchal mother, it is difficult for Wen Li not to inherit her mother's idea of "son preference", and she also agrees with her mother's set that a woman still has to have a son.
Sour child spicy girl, Wen Li's second child is still pregnant with a daughter, the mouth always wants to eat spicy, but also in front of the mother to cover up this, showing a lot of love to eat sour, in fact, has sour teeth. In her heart, this fetus must be a son, and the sour thing proves that it is a son, in fact, the truth is only clear to herself.
When Wen Li was born in the south, hypertension syndrome caused eclampsia, which was very dangerous, and both pregnant women and babies could die. Tong Zhi decided to protect the adult, and in the end, the child and Wen Li were saved. This thrill scared Tong Zhi and asked her not to mention her son anymore, not to give birth, and to go for a ligature. Wen Li was reluctant to do the sterilization, and Tong Zhi agreed to do it, but listened to the rumors and was afraid of doing the sterilization to become a eunuch, and as a result, neither of them did it.
In hesitation, the third elder was already in Wen Li's belly. At this time, Wen Li wanted to go to induce labor, was scared back by the operation, did not dare to do it, the third was born as a daughter.
When he went to apply for a household registration for his newborn daughter, Tong Zhi lied, exploited the loophole in the policy, and received a month's worth of food stamps, oil tickets, food tickets, meat tickets and other tickets. This child brought her own rations, and Wen Li was not good enough to send her away, so she casually took a name: Duoduo.
Neither of them went to get a ligature, and it was natural to get pregnant with the fourth elder. For this child, Wen Li made up her mind that she could not want it, could not afford to raise it, and was lying on the operating table. Tong Zhi's mother went to the hospital and pulled her down from the operating table, vowing that the fourth elder must be a male baby and could not shed her grandson.
This time, wen Li's longing for good luck finally took care of her, and the fourth child was born as a son. After giving birth to a son, Wen Li felt that her waist plate could finally be straightened, and deliberately showed her son's bird to Zhuang sister-in-law and Dazhuang in the winter.
The original work said this: Wen Li said to change Dabao's diaper, in front of Dazhuang and Zhuang's sister-in-law, the change was particularly careful, very slow, the chicken was erect in the sky, especially eye-catching. Da Zhuang and Tong Zhi glanced at each other, understood Wen Li's intentions, and smiled darkly.
Wen Li's behavior seems to be saying: You see, I Wen Li finally gave birth to a son, a real son, and you can no longer laugh at me.
Wen Li and Sister-in-law Zhuang have been fighting secretly for most of their lives, and they often compare food and clothing with each other. Wen Li wore Braji and permed her head, and Sister-in-law Zhuang wore a braji dress exactly like her the next day to hang around in front of her, which made her very angry. Wen Li disliked Zhuang's lack of quality, lack of education, rude behavior, and she was better than Zhuang Concubine in everything, but Zhuang Sister-in-law had a son, and she did not, which made her very frustrated.
Wen Li said: Sister-in-law Zhuang saw me a few years ago and didn't even dare to come out of the atmosphere, but now it is good, and she is almost called a sister and a sister when she sits on an equal footing with me. What does she rely on? Just by giving birth to a son?
In order to fight for breath, but also in order to "pass on the generations" and "raise children to prevent the elderly", Wen Li desperately wanted to have a son. After giving birth to a son, she felt that she had a long face, which was higher than that of Sister-in-law Zhuang.
In the original work, Wen Li said this: I don't know how those two sons want to die begging Bai Laifei to live with us at the opposite door, it seems that they can sit on an equal footing with us, but who has no scale in their hearts, why should he compare with us, isn't there a son who belongs to the dog! Now that she still has a face? Hey, this big treasure really gives Mom and Dad a long face!
For Wen Li, the son is not only her son, but also a tool for her long face, and she cannot grow a face for her when she has a daughter. Tong Zhi also holds the same idea, although the original work does not focus on his ideas, but from Wen Li's birth of his first daughter, he does not dare to say it in the factory, he can see that he also feels that giving birth to a daughter makes his face dull.
Such parents are also very common in reality, having three or four daughters, just to have a son, even if there is a strict family planning policy, it is not wrong. After the birth of the only son, it is not good to cultivate and educate, only to blindly spoil, not only to destroy the hard-won son, but also to suffer the complaints of the daughters, both sides are not good. Moreover, parents blindly favor a certain child, which often leads to the loss of sibling relations in the family, and there is no affection for each other, just like strangers.
Wen Li's approach also sounded a wake-up call for everyone not to try to put the parent-child relationship above the husband-wife relationship, otherwise there will only be three consequences: first, ignoring the husband, the husband complains and begins to seek other exits, such as infidelity; second, the family relationship is out of harmony, the family falls apart; third, the love complex.
In a marriage, the relationship between husband and wife is the cornerstone of maintaining the relationship between parents, parents, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and should be above all relationships, so that the marriage can be happy and long-lasting.