"Family with Children" is really a very classic domestic sitcom. When I watched it back then, it was just a picture of hilarity, but now that I think about it, I find that there are still many interesting places in this drama.
Xia Donghai, the father of the reorganized family, brought a little rain and light snow, a son and a daughter and two children, and the mother Liu Mei took her son Liu Xing, living together, which can be regarded as very harmonious.
However, among the three children, Liu Xing was always scolded the most, and every time Xia Dad Liu Mama frightened Xiaoyu and killed chickens and monkeys, he would take Liu Xing to open the knife. Someone in the family has run into trouble, and everyone always looks at Liu Xing first. Liu Xing rarely gets a good score in the exam, and will be suspected of cheating.
The most excessive thing is that once Liu Xing complained that he was always not valued at home, and even his mother ignored him. Then the whole family decided to hang out together. As a result, I got it back and forth, and finally I brought everything, except for Liu Xing. Once again, it was verified that Liu Xing was indeed the least valued child in the family.
First of all, compared with Liu Xing, the sister Xiaoxue is a bully, who has been a child of other people's families since she was a child, has won a lot of honors for the family, and is a sensitive and slender girl. Younger brother Xiaoyu is still young, cute and cute, round-headed, as the old man of the family, it is inevitable to be favored.
Looking at Liu Xing again, the grades are not as good as his sister, his well-behaved is not as good as his brother, and his face is thick, and it is almost inevitable that he will not be welcomed.
Secondly, as a restructured family, although the Xia family looks happy and harmonious, it is still fragile in essence. As a stepmother, Liu Mei certainly can't be too harsh on the Xia family brothers and sisters. On the one hand, we must worry that children are easy to have ideas, too fierce they will feel: it is indeed not a mother. On the other hand, you must also worry about yelling at the Xia family brothers and sisters, Xia Donghai will have ideas. Many restructured families are in these small suspicions, and the cracks are getting bigger and bigger.
Xia Donghai, as a father, looks at a bowl of water on the surface. But he didn't have the same care for Liu Xing as Liu Mei did with Xiao Yu and Xiao Xue. Xia Donghai even felt that Liu Xing had no heart and no lungs, he could say anything at will, and it was no problem to treat it any way he wanted.
Once Liu Xing casually said, "I'm still not your son anymore." It is reasonable to say that Xia Donghai can pass by with a haha, and he actually said, "Don't say, you are really not my own son." ”
This and the other, it seems that both sides of Liu Xing are not favored. Particularly aggrieved.
Third, this is a TV series after all, for the effect of the program, just like in the variety show, most of them also have a group pet and a group bully, and Liu Xing plays the role of the bully.
The above reasons are all good, but these are all superficial reasons, and the deeper reason is the interaction between family members, which is also full of a lot of stereotypes.
With the opening of the second child, if you look closely at the multi-child family, you will find that even if the children born to the same pair of parents, the status of each child, the interaction mode between them and the parents, and the mode of getting along between the children are almost solidified.
The most typical example is the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988", the Deoksan family has 3 children, the older sister has good grades and a big temper, and the younger brother is a boy, and Deoksan is always the most neglected one.
The family buys chickens, two chicken legs, always one for the older sister and one for the younger brother. With only two poached eggs left, there must be no share of virtue.
Because it was close to her sister's birthday, every time the family celebrated Paula's birthday, pulled out two candles, and took it with her to Celebrate Deshan's birthday.
Deshan's parents are good people, and they don't mean to ignore the second eldest, but they have been used to this model for a long time.
Deshan once broke out, crying and complaining about why the family of three children was always wronged by her. Deshan's father bought a small cake for Deshan with apologies and said, "Dad is not born to be a dad, and Dad is also a father for the first time, so please be more considerate!" ”
As a result, when there was a gas leak at home, my parents' first reaction was to save my sister and brother. After sitting down and resting for half a day, I remembered that Deshan was still in the house.
Some children are introverted and sensitive, and parents dare not talk seriously to their children.
Some children have thick skin, have been scolded, and will be like no one else. His parents would be more casual with him, and when they had emotions, they would not restrain themselves at all, and they would all vent on him.
Some children are particularly well-behaved and sensible, and their parents specifically save money on him, do not buy him water when they go out, wear second-hand clothes, and then praise everywhere among relatives and friends: this baby is sensible and never wants anything. Knowing to save will hurt your parents.
Virtuous and kind, sensible, and considerate of parents. Paula, however, could not bear any losses, and fried the pot with a slight grievance. Parents will also bully the soft and fear the hard, they will measure, if there is only one resource, do not give Paula, she will quarrel with the family; do not give virtue, as long as you say two beautiful words, praise a sentence "Virtue is really sensible", you can mix it up.
In the long run, the way parents treat different children is fixed. If there is only one child in the family, it is better, after all, the parents will pay more attention, and when the mood of the only child changes, the parents can perceive and adjust their strategies for treating their children. In multi-child families, parents are busy every day like a gyroscope, and there is really no extra energy to be aware of each child's careful thinking.
Stereotypes are obviously better to use.
This is the case with the Xia Donghai family. Liu Mei has to take care of 3 children a day and work, which is obviously a lot of pressure. For the light rain and light snow, she can't say heavy words, and she must consider her words when communicating. In addition, Liu Mei was not originally a type of soft talk, speaking crunchy, fast and fast, and the way of education was relatively simple and rude. Liu Xing is Liu Mei's emotional catharsis outlet.
She couldn't say anything heavy to Xiao Xue, she could say to Liu Xing. In her opinion, Liu Xing was thick-skinned, no matter how he scolded him, no matter how he treated him, he would not be hurt. In addition, Liu Xing is her own son, no matter how much scolding, he is still her son.
Liu Mei's attitude also determined the attitude of the other members of the family towards Liu Xing. The attitude of the person with the highest voice in a family towards another member indirectly determines the attitude of other members toward that member.
To take an extreme example, my friend's dad had a dog. The old man kept the dog as his own son. When the grandson went to drag the dog's tail, he killed the grandson, and his wife forgot to buy dog food, which he also told him. Later, this dog was simply the king at home, sleeping to bed, eating it first. Dogs are like this, let alone people?
Liu Mei had a casual attitude towards Liu Xing, and Xia Donghai, along with him, did not take Liu Xing seriously. With a little rain and snow, Liu Xing naturally became a third-class citizen at home.
Then let's discuss the last question, is it those who look heartless and lungless, thick-skinned children can really "knife and gun", any way to say it?
Of course not, naughty children also have hearts.
Thick skin is often just a protective color for children, and they think that as long as they show that they don't care, they won't look so pitiful when they are scolded. Just like Liu Xing, he can't change the fact that Liu Mei scolded him without moving, but his sister and brother are all watching from the sidelines, what to do? Pretend you don't care.
As a child, there is no way to take the initiative to change the parent-child communication mode, and parents are reluctant to change. In the end, the same communication pattern can only be repeated over and over again.
Parents scold the child, the child has to act like he doesn't care, and the parents say in turn: This child is like this, the oil and salt do not enter. This is equivalent to them further reinforcing the child's behavior patterns by labeling.
In fact, such a child also longs for his parents to pay attention to him and take the initiative to understand his true thoughts hidden under disguise.
Perhaps Liu Xing himself did not find out, he is always mischievous and troublesome, it is not a means to get the attention of his parents.
He is not as good as Xiaoxue than learning, pretending to be cute is not as good as Xiaoyu, and only when he is mischievous, his mother will pay 100% attention to him.
This is Liu Xing's sadness.