Women often have all kinds of expectations for their significant other and always yearn for marriage. In marriage, she often said that he listened; she asked, and he promised; she asked, and he did. However, the most important thing about feelings is to communicate with each other, not a person's crosstalk. In fact, the husband has his own expectations for marriage and wants to have a say in life. Let's take a look at the five words a man wants to say to his wife.
What really drives love is not intense love, but trivial time. In the long years, if there is no understanding and lack of communication in the marriage, it will be like a guessing game, one is trying to draw, screaming at the top, and the other is covering his ears. So, sometimes you might as well let go of those "I want" and listen to "what he said." A little more "we", a little less "you and me"... Love is not easy, marriage is a bridge, we can see and feel the true appearance of the other shore, then we can go down very well.
Wronged Wife:
On the weekend, I hung an old wooden chair on a second-hand website. Some people say they want it every second, so they will pick it up the same day. The buyer came and I moved the chair downstairs. My husband was playing a game in the living room and casually asked me, "What's the matter?" I got a little angry and said, "No, you play with yours." When I moved my chair off the elevator, my grievances piled up like rain. Since I moved into a new house, all the old furniture and appliances have been sold by me, which takes time and effort. He didn't seem to see my hard work or even help me.
Confused Husband:
She didn't understand why she was mad at me. When she came back from selling the chair, she complained and blamed me, saying that I didn't help when the oil bottle fell, and I didn't care about my family and her, I only played games... I was full of question marks, and lifting the small wooden chair with one hand might take some effort. I knew she wanted me to lift it up and the game would be over in two minutes. Why can't you wait for me? Even if the buyer is in a hurry, you can tell me clearly. I'll accompany her downstairs right away! Also, my family's finances have always been open source for me, and she's been saving money. I thought she liked to sell idle items, so why was she suddenly wronged? It was inexplicable to make such a big fire.
A grievance, a kind of incomprehension, is one of the most common contradictions between husband and wife. After such an argument, the two people will be very sad. In fact, the reason for this contradiction is often inseparable from a principle: men are accustomed to dealing with things, while women are eager for emotional comfort.
The long-term social environment and different expectations of men and women have created the mainstream state of "male rationality and female sensibility". For many men, the most important thing to face is to make clear the appeal and then start to deal with it. Once solved, it was fine. But for many women, the most important thing is the attitude of handling things, because it reflects the emotional state of the moment: whether the partner understands me, whether he cares about me.
There is nothing wrong with the principle of "seeing the essence through the phenomenon", the problem is that men and women often have different understandings of phenomena. For example, the wife in this article has accumulated a lot of bad emotions because of the buyer's attitude. In this state of mind, it is easy to see the husband's attitude as "casually asking" and "not paying attention", rather than what the husband says. In fact, he was willing to help.
To solve this problem, both husband and wife need to truly understand and accept the above differences between men and women, rather than standing on their own position and thinking about "straight men don't understand anything, no drama" or "why women are so pretentious". Now that the marriage contract has been concluded, two people should work together for a good relationship.
Everyone has emotional needs, and husbands should understand that their wives need emotional support more than they do, and at the same time be more ashamed to open their mouths and actively express their needs.
So, when you feel that your wife is not in a good state, it is best to make your husband more proactive and provide help within his ability. When a wife is dissatisfied with her husband, she should remind herself: "Is this my subjective judgment, or does he really care about me?" At the same time, as far as possible to take the initiative to ask the husband's true thoughts, and get rid of the subjective impression, so that the relationship between the two will have a good improvement.
Often, men are expected to be tall, strong, strong and reliable husbands and fathers, while women are expected to be beautiful, gentle, virtuous and tolerant wives and mothers. "If you marry me, you're responsible for me." "I've sacrificed so much for my family, shouldn't you be nicer to me?" ...... Women are more likely to be interdependent and have higher expectations of their partners. Expectations are high and so are the requirements. Many wives will have the above performance: dissatisfaction with the other half, picky, complaining.
Such emotions and expressions are understandable, but if you focus only on yourself, it is difficult for wives to realize that men are sometimes vulnerable. We are all ordinary people with limited ability to withstand pressure. Even if a person works hard, it is impossible to achieve it overnight. Blind pressure regardless of the actual situation of the other party will only push the husband farther and farther away from the wife, and his heart will become more and more closed.
"Putting yourself in the shoes of others and feeling empathetic" is the only way to solve such problems. In this increasingly stressful society, it is not easy for both husband and wife. If a wife can move from one place to another, and try to feel the pressure, anxiety and panic in her husband's heart while she is shouldering the financial burden, I believe that she will naturally have gentle pity in her heart. Husbands should also realize that having a husband and having children is not an easy task, and it is normal for wives to have more negative emotions and need more care and understanding.
Two people living together, if you vent your emotions on each other, the heart will become more and more lacking. If we can further communicate our troubles, weaknesses, and even loss of control over our lives, we have the opportunity to support and help each other. This warmth is a solid foundation for the family and a protective shield against external turmoil.
The story of "Prince Charming Saves the Princess" is deeply rooted in people's hearts. In a patriarchal society, men are required to take on more and be more tolerant while enjoying the power to rule. "When two people quarrel, the boy must apologize first, whether it is wrong or not", which is even regarded by many people as a standard for measuring love or not.
But in fact, long-term stable intimate relationships are very much in need of balance. Balance is not absolute fairness, but the "degree" that each other can feel beautifully. Whether it is in the specific distribution of household chores, or on an abstract emotional level, both husband and wife should be able to meet each other's needs to a certain extent, making them "containers". No one can always endure without venting. If the requirements for the partner are too strict, the balance will become more and more unbalanced, and one party will feel powerless and eventually tilted.
In fact, many times, the big contradictions between husband and wife start from the small struggle of passion, because we attach too much importance to small things, cling to small things, and insist that the other party bow their heads in order to win. But in fact, such a passion struggle is basically to win face, lose feelings, and gain more than you lose. The real sense of security does not come from the other person's bowing, but from the sincere and close connection between the two people.
Therefore, if the current contradiction is not a bottom line problem or a core problem, if the wife can take care of her husband's emotional needs in time, take the initiative to relax the atmosphere by spoiling or teasing, rather than launching a tense dispute between right and wrong, then the husband can relax and then respond emotionally, so that the original contradiction can be invisibly resolved. It's a win-win situation for the couple. After all, no one likes to live in a cold, oppressive, and suffocating atmosphere all day. So, for the happiness of both parties, why not take the initiative to try it?
Husband's question, of course, there is no standard answer. For some people with strong emotional needs, it is a pleasure to be together, and it is natural to take each other into account everything, and no extra effort is required. But for some people who don't have a strong emotional need and like to be alone, it's very important to keep personal space. If they want to think of each other in everything, they feel tired and bound.
There is no right or wrong between the two modes, just different. Many men and women feel that the other party is bad or does not care about themselves because of the difference in models. In fact, they essentially want the other person to change, but they don't need to change themselves. It's hard for anyone to change, which means we need to sacrifice ourselves to a certain extent, especially when one party is forced to change on the charge of "wrong", which can easily cause dissatisfaction and confrontation.
In the face of differences in thinking and patterns between husband and wife, we need to actively understand and run into each other, rather than treating each other as a "problem" to quickly eliminate. Marriage is held together by two people, and no one needs to completely change themselves to adapt to each other. First of all, two people need to fully trust, and then slowly figure out what kind of treatment they need in what situation, while trying to understand what kind of treatment the other person needs, and then sit down to discuss a model that is acceptable to both parties.
For example, when the wife goes shopping, she will buy something for her husband, and she also hopes that her husband can bring her some small gifts when she goes out, so the husband is best to remember to take some time to pick something for her when his wife is on a business trip. If the husband is in a bad mood and wants to be alone, then the wife needs to have the proper understanding and concessions to occasionally allow the husband to relieve mental stress in his own way. Only when both parties understand and tolerate each other with good intentions, differences will not turn into sharp knives and stab intimate relationships.
In this case, the husband's strong dissatisfaction is actually for two reasons: one is to worry about her shortcomings being exposed; second, the discomfort of her personal boundaries being violated. No one likes to show their shortcomings in front of others and comment on them at will, which will make us feel like we are being attacked by others. When the wife exchanges privacy with the girlfriend and handles the marital conflict according to the opinion of the girlfriend, the husband will feel that there is a vague "third person" in the world, there should be only two people, staring, scoring, and even this "third person" has a certain impact on the relationship between husband and wife, which will cause the husband's inner uneasiness and resentment, and he will instinctively want to kick this "third person" out.
Although on the surface the husband's behavior seems to be "stingy", in fact, these privacys are worthy of respect. As a wife, don't stand in your own point of view to think that "just the parents are short, casually talking is nothing", which will make the psychological distance between the two people more and more distant.
How do you balance "talking to friends" with "protecting couples' privacy"? In fact, it is understandable to want to share the complaint with friends when you are sad. Just pay attention to the measure and boundaries, the content related to each other's body and the huge contradictions between husband and wife. It is best not to use it as chat material to avoid embarrassment afterwards. When a husband and wife have a dispute, do not blindly follow the "guidance" of elderly friends. Although there is a saying that "the authorities are confused, and the bystanders are clear", this truth must be based on the premise that "bystanders" can see the whole game clearly. Even close family and friends can't understand every bit of relationship between husband and wife. In marriage, you are the one who sees the most and understands the most.
Therefore, when encountering problems, the words of the elderly friends can be used as a reference, but the real decision depends on the specific and in-depth communication and discussion between the husband and wife, and the clear feelings and needs of each other before they can be willingly made. Solving problems in this way is not easy, but only the "not easy" approach can solve the problem "easily" and thoroughly.