Written for a moonlight boy

Wen | Li Beichen

JP：

On the day typhoon "fireworks" passed, you chose to end yourself and leave this world.

We all think that when you leave, you are probably as lonely as fireworks.

I don't know you very well, you're a close friend of my wife and one of the most mentioned names my wife and I have in my home.

It's not that you have a lot of stories, but that your name is more like some kind of "symbol", and whenever we inadvertently talk about topics such as "sincerity", "purity", "daydreaming", "idealism", "unrealistic" - or anything that runs counter to "sixpence", your name is like the evening moon, automatically emerging, either from my side or from her side.

In some contexts, you are used by my wife as a "negative teaching material" to teach me to "be pragmatic in life" and not to float in the sky and salvage the moon like you.

She couldn't convince me, and I loved the heavenly landscape.

Just luck or misfortune, I don't fly as high as you.

Just a few days ago, I sent a circle of friends: "This summer, too many wonderful things have happened, a few special fates, so that I have the opportunity to rethink what reports should be written by the self-media?" I thought and thought, the current answer is similar to the following: Ben Gongxun, last night's spring rain in Beijing was misty, at midnight, the lights next to Ping'an Avenue were brilliant, and an old locust tree died quietly. ”

You gave me a thumbs up, and it made me happy for a long time.

This one praise of yours is like a thousand girls, only because your talent shines like moonlight.

Also this month, you indirectly told me: "Advertorial writing is more hurtful pen".

Hey, I don't write now!

In the past two months, I have rejected many commercial offers. I was around Vanity Fair for 6 years, "injured" for 6 years, and only this summer on the southern riverside suddenly found that even at the age of 34, I still harbor nostalgia for the more immaculate spiritual home that once inhabited.

And your sincerity from beginning to end makes you not need to go through worldly baptism at all. You will never break your pen, every word you write is your intention, and your pure saying leaves no room for friends.

So I envy you, very much envy you.

Li Haipeng has a saying: "An old man smells old, a middle-aged man smells middle-aged, and a teenager smells like the moonlight before the rain." ”

Over the past 6 years, the smell of decay that I have exuded in my words has disgusted myself, and others may not be able to smell it, but I can.

What's more, I realized on the day you died that if your name had appeared less often in my life with my wife and me, I might have been less angry with myself.

Who let you write about the taste, has always been like the moonlight before the rain, even the name of the media involved in the founding is called "Moonlight Society".

Of course, I am not writing this to glorify you, because I don't know you at all, I don't understand why you made such a decisive choice.

I dare only speculate that you are more disgusted with this world than I am.

And most of the time, maybe under the influence of drugs, I don't think the world is so good or so bad.

More precisely, except for the loved ones around me, I feel that the good or bad of the world has nothing to do with me, whether it is a beautiful or absurd part, and I do not accept that my emotions are surging because of the impermanence of the world.

But your death has caused great waves in my heart. I know that the ripples you stir up on my tranquil lake will shake my life for a long time.

Not only shock, but also regret.

Before you were born, I had only one side with you. If there is an afterlife, I would like to be a little more cheerful, and then get acquainted with you, and even talk about wine.

Instead of just quietly giving you a WeChat message on the day of your death: "Rest well, be sincere."

Author: Li Beichen, independent writer, concerned with science, ideas, and poetry. The weChat public account of the same name: Li Beichen