Stills from "The Life of the Rejected Pine Nuts"
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > introduction</h1>
"Born to be human, I'm sorry"
If you have seen "The Life of the Rejected Pine Nuts", this sentence may not be unfamiliar to you. It appears twice throughout the film, both accompanied by death. At the same time, it is also a portrayal of the tragic life of the heroine Matsuko.
The film tells the life of the heroine Matsuko. Due to the lack of father's love, she has low self-esteem, lack of love, and a desperate desire to be loved in her heart. Because an unintentional grimace was exchanged for a rare smile from his father, he would reflexively make a grimace as soon as he was excited in this life. Therefore, for the unreasonable needs of others, they will agree to the bottom line.
A chance grimace, in exchange for a smile that my father rarely had
When he grew up, he was dismissed from school for harboring students who had committed theft. Living with a boyfriend who aspires to be a best-selling author. By domestic violence, her boyfriend committed suicide, she became the boyfriend's mistress to the family, and found that she was used to abandon herself as a bathroom girl.
Later, when he encountered someone who was not ladylike, he was not only deceived but also killed by mistake and embarked on the road of escape. When he met a thick barber, he thought that he could finally live a peaceful life, but he was still arrested, and after eight years of prison, his lover was married and had children.
Around and around met the students who were sheltered at that time, originally thought that they could accompany the old, did not want the students to go to prison, after getting out of prison also broke up with Matsuko, and finally Matsuko was widowed until the age of 53, becoming a fat and dirty old woman living in a garbage house, dying under the sticks of the little.
The movie as a whole looks down, as if fate has made a joke to Matsuko, so that she has been living a miserable life. It's a shame.
How unfortunate is it for such a good girl to be tormented by fate?
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >01 The misfortune of pine nuts has nothing to do with the original family, but because of their own choice</h1>
Many film critics say this is due to Matsuko's original family. The father gave almost all the attention of his sick sister, ignored her, and never responded positively to Matsuko.
Matsuko, who lacks her father's love, has not learned to accept herself from her father, so that her whole life is not confident, lacks self-esteem and security.
Therefore, in the face of a little love and good feelings given by others, pine nuts will moth fire, preferring to be scaled all over their bodies and warm their hearts with that little love.
But is it really the original family that really caused her unhappy life? I couldn't help but ask myself.
There is a scene in the film:
When Matsuko was expelled from school, packed up her clothes and prepared to run away from home, she was stopped by her sister, but Matsuko viciously said that she pushed her sister down and said: It is because of you that my fate is so tragic? But the real reason was because Matsuko herself was expelled from the school for the student's top tank.
If it is because of the father's love to the sister, what about Matsuko's younger brother? Although Matsuko's younger brother rarely appears in the film, it can be seen that his life is plain and happy, and he has children, and he has not embarked on a tragedy like Matsuko because of the lack of father's love.
Psychologist Triumvirate Adler once said:
Your misfortune is due to your own choices. At the same time, he also rejected the theory of psychological trauma, arguing:
Any experience in itself is not the cause of success or failure. We do not suffer because of the stimuli of our own experiences— the so-called psychological trauma — in fact we find factors in our experiences that are appropriate for our purpose. What determines us is not our past experiences, but the meaning we ourselves give to experiences.
This is not to say that events such as major disasters or early childhood abuse have no effect on personality formation. Instead, the impact will be great.
But the point is that the experience itself doesn't decide anything. What kind of meaning we give to past experiences directly determines our lives.
That is to say, although Matsuko's life is tragic, it is not because of the harm of her original family, but because she personally cannot face the tragedy of childhood.
How many of the men Matsuko has encountered in her life love her? They were all vampires on her, either lusting for her flesh or lusting for her money. She snatched the paternal love she lacked from her childhood from these men, lost herself, and finally lived in the garbage heap, dying under the messy stick.
If Matsuko can face up to this missing life experience, understand that the joy and happiness of the self is not obtained from a few men, and understand that the love she wants is not given by others, but by herself. Could her life be rewritten?
When the director of instruction says to Matsuko, "If you really want to reflect, just show me your breasts", Matsuko principledly refuses to teach the director's unreasonable request;
When the writer's boyfriend domestically abused Matsuko and asked her to be a bathroom girl, he could justifiably refuse;
When the little bastard deceives Matsuko, Matsuko will not go crazy and kill him;
When the barber is very gentle with Matsuko, Matsuko will not covet that little bit of goodness and will not want to be with him;
Of course, they will not be together because the students who stole money at that time said "I love you".
Therefore, what caused Matsuko's misfortune was not a childhood dilemma, but her self-choice, pushing herself step by step into a desperate situation.
< h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >02 Behind the choice is a lack of self-identity and the courage to change</h1>
Matsuko's misfortune in life is related to her own choices, but behind the choices, there is a lack of self-identity and the courage to change.
First, a lack of self-identity.
At the beginning of the film, Matsuko is introduced, a teacher who sings well and is popular in school.
School life was the best day of Matsuko's whole life: a decent career and a teacher who liked her.
But Matsuko has always disapproved of herself.
When she encounters domestic violence from her boyfriend and asks her to be a bathroom girl, she will not hesitate to agree to do it.
When the director of instruction asked to see her breasts, she did not hesitate to pull up her clothes.
To the unreasonable demands of others, she will agree without a bottom line. The reason for this is that she is afraid that her boyfriend will leave her, and the director of education thinks that her confession is not obvious.
But this just shows that pine nuts are too lacking in self.
Adler once said that when trying to gain the approval of others, almost everyone will take the means of "meeting the expectations of others".
This stupid girl, too lack of self-identity, has lived her whole life under the approval of others, has she ever dreamed back in the middle of the night, you have pleased others, have you ever thought of yourself for a moment?
A friend said to me: "Before, I was very hard, because I cared too much about what others thought of me, and everything I did was mainly to gain the approval of others, and as a result, I made myself very hard, and my lover left me." Now, I don't care what other people think, just follow my own principles, instead, I get more and more love. "
Indeed, a lifetime of seeking the approval of others is tiring and stupid.
Life is constantly compared with the ideal self, rather than living under the approval of others, we do not live to meet the expectations of others, but to live our own life.
Second, there is a lack of courage to change
If you don't recognize yourself, it's the beginning of Matsuko's misfortune. Then the lack of courage to change caused her unfortunate ending.
The reason why you are unhappy is not because of the past or the environment, nor is it because of lack of ability, you just lack "courage", it can be said that you lack "courage to achieve happiness". - Adler
Pine nuts who came out of prison, the unfortunate fate has been rewritten.
She worked as a hairdresser in a hair salon and drank and chatted with her friends, which was the most relaxed and happy time of her life. You don't have to live for others, and the simple life is plain and simple.
When she met the student who had stolen money before confessed to her, she refused, but she still could not resist the little warmth that others gave her, knowing that the student was engaged in underworld work, and she had no hesitation in pestering him.
I thought that after learning that the barber had married someone else, she had awakened herself, understood what she wanted, and changed. But in the end, she still lived the same life as before.
With her students, she lived no differently than she had in the past: domestic violence, longing for love, and no self.
Friends told her to leave the students and told her: He will drag you to hell. But she retorted: Whether you go to hell or somewhere else, you have to go with him everywhere, this is your own happiness. Raw to stir up their hard-won good life.
But is this really the happiness of pine nuts? I think only the tears she left behind when she closed the door were clear, herself crying with the dragon's headache, and she knew that she was torn under different men for the man she loved.
All this is because she lacks the courage to change.
Don't want to change, even if the change is only a small point, maybe life will overturn. Matsuko is afraid that she will fail, and her lover will abandon her and leave her. So I'd rather survive as usual.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >03 Your life depends on yourself, and your destiny is in your own hands. </h1>
The famous German psychologist Eckhart Toly wrote in his book The Power of the Moment:
"In my research, I found that if you are always under the control of your brain or mind, living in an eternal anxiety about time, it will prevent you from getting rid of your inner pain." But in reality, we can only live in the present, in the here and now, everything is happening in the present, and the past and the future are just a simple concept of time. By surrendering to the present, you can find true strength and find the entrance to peace and tranquility. "
Living in the present, what should not have happened has already happened, the past will eventually pass, clinging to the past, will only put yourself in a dilemma again and again. Only by facing everything you have suffered calmly can you find the strength to move forward.
Tara, the author of "When You Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain", her childhood life and encounters are quite similar to those of Matsuko. But the ending is the opposite, she is a Cambridge high school student, is a best-selling author.
Her childhood consisted of scrap copper and rotten iron, canned peaches, guns and ammunition. There is no reading sound, and there is no shadow of university. She once believed that her future was to marry early and have children, inherit her mother's job to deliver children for others.
Her life has also suffered all kinds of misfortunes, and she can't choose.
The family was scarred, bruised, bruised, abrasions, car accidents, falls, concussions, legs on fire, and flowers in the head, but they relied on their mother's minimal herbal treatments and saw the experience of suffering as a blessing.
However, as Tara grew older, she realized that her father's claims were not indisputable. Ignoring her safety, her father repeatedly pushed her into rolled steel scissors that were roaring and almost bitten off people's heads; an older brother repeatedly showed violent tendencies, pressing her head into the toilet, choking her neck and calling her a prostitute; the mother chose silence in defiance of her grievances.
She realized that her home had only scarred her.
When she saw his other brother leave the house through self-study, the voice that belonged to her gradually awakened: leave home and go to school. She was only sixteen years old at the time, and she made a choice for her life: secretly teaching herself between working for her father, preparing for college entrance exams.
Through months of hard work, she harvested a miracle: a college admission letter. It also changed my life.
Tara's fate may be legendary, but it also shows that his life is precisely in his own hands. Whether your life is happy or unhappy comes from your own choices.
If Tara, like other siblings, had chosen the life arranged by her parents, she might have lived a life of poverty, deprivation, self-awareness, cambridge, or bestseller, and her fate would have been as unfortunate as her parents.
There are many people who suffered similar fates to Tara and Matsuko's childhood. But why are some people able to live happily and some people unhappy? If you look closely, you will find that people who live happily all have a commonality, they can face the pain they have suffered in the past, face up to their own shortcomings, and understand that their lives depend on themselves.
For example, Zhan Qingyun of "Strange Story". She has been poor in her studies since she was a child, and she has been called a "stupid pig" by her teacher, and a teacher told her mother in front of her: "This child will not even be able to pass high school in the future, so let's send her to technical school as soon as possible." "
She had also been troubled by this. But she realized that she was just a little slower than others, and she didn't feel stupid than others. There is no need to live under the approval of others.
But if Zhan Qingyun has been indulging in the situation where her classmates and teachers call her a "stupid pig", are we not on the stage of "Strange Story", and we can't see her reading poetry books, and we can't see her sparkling appearance. She herself would not have been admitted to the University of hong Kong Chinese. Nor will everyone admire her feat of borrowing 1 million yuan to study at Harvard when she has no money.
Their experience tells us a fact: the only one who gets themselves out of adversity is themselves, the magic weapon for happiness, and their own choices.
So, if I'm lucky enough to meet a pine nut girl, I'd like to say something to her:
Life does not have to cling to the past, the pursuit of the unattainable, stagnant, let yourself be unfortunate, is yourself.
Choose to live for yourself, do not have to stick to what you have missed, take the courage to face up to that defect, then you can get happiness.
Conclusion
In the 4th century BC, when the Macedonian king was on an expedition to the Persian territory of Lydia, a chariot was enshrined in the temple. The chariot was once bound to the pillars of the temple by Goldios. There is a local legend that the person who unties the knot will become the king of Asia Minor.
It's a knot that many highly skilled challengers don't untie. Alexander saw that the knot was very strong in the face of this knot, and immediately swung out a short sword to cut it in two.
Alexander said: "Fate is not determined by legend, but by its own sword." I don't need the power of legends but to use my own sword to create my destiny. "
Not admitting one's fate is the best reward for oneself.
I hope that those pine nut girls, one day, will find their own cuteness, face their past calmly, have the courage to pursue their own happiness, and rewrite their lives.