Hardship education is a precious wealth in life, do not let children choose comfort at the age of hardship.
Author | Ange
There are boys in the family, and looking forward to jackie chan is the common expectation of parents.
We all hope that he can be strong and independent, hard-working, and become a man with a career in the future.
So, what is the best education for boys?
Professor Li Meijin once stressed in her speech: "Those who have sons in the family must be raised bitterly, and must not take care of them too thoughtfully." ”
For boys, suffering is a very important quality.
The easier life was when I was a child, the more thoughtful I was cared for, and when I grew up, it was easy to shrink back in the face of wind and rain and could not afford to do things.
Parents who truly love their children must be willing to let him suffer these four kinds of suffering.
Only by suffering from learning can we become talented
Some time ago, there was a boy who caught fire.
In the video, he is covered in mud and sand, constantly gasping for breath, slumped on the ground and sighing: "It's still good to read." ”
It turned out that eight months ago, the boy told his father that he really hated reading and never wanted to go to school again.
In desperation, his father took him to the construction site to move bricks.
After a few days of work at the construction site, the boy could no longer eat.
Father said: If you don't study, you are likely to do this kind of work for the rest of your life, and if you study, you will have the right to choose a job.
The boy was slender and tired, and it was really painful to look at.
However, my father's words were even more to the point.
Today's children, mostly living in honeypots, seem to have everything at their fingertips. It is difficult for them to understand that happiness requires hard work, and it needs capital.
Learning may not be the only way to become a talent, but it is the closest path.
I think of the Chinese Academy of Sciences' popular doctoral dissertation "Thanks".
Reading, this "chore" in the eyes of many children, is the happiness that the author Huang Guoping has done everything to find.
Huang Guoping's mother has been away from home since childhood, and his father has been away for many years.
The family is surrounded by walls and no one to take care of him, so he can only survive by catching yellow eels at night, going fishing on weekends, and feeding piglets and buffalo.
Being chased by dogs and snakes, falling into the water in the middle of the night, going home in the dark... Poverty and depression formed the background of the first 20 years of his life.
In countless moments of wanting to give up, it is reading that supports him, gives him comfort and hope to carry on.
Today, Huang Guoping is a senior researcher at Tencent Artificial Intelligence Lab.
Under the guidance of reading, he walked out of the barrenness, faded his inferiority, gave him the worst chip that life gave him, and played the best posture in life.
Every boy has some kind of ambition in his heart, and there are many possibilities that he wants to achieve.
Reading is the seemingly hard road that can help him break through the ordinary.
At an age when he can study safely, let the child learn to endure the pain of reading, so that he will not suffer unwarranted setbacks in the future by missing opportunities.
Only by eating the hardships of life will we be more independent
In "The Boy Says", there is a girl who complains about her parents:
"Why do you always call me when you do housework, but never call me brother?"
The girl said, "You say my brother is younger than me, and I'm going to let him go." But he was twelve years old, taller than me, so why don't you call him? ”
After the girl finished speaking, she called out to her brother again, asking him if he could take some responsibility and contract the housework of the family in the future.
Unexpectedly, the younger brother in the audience refused: "Not good! ”
The sister had no choice but to ask for reasons, but the younger brother said bluntly: "I think you should do it!" ”
The girl was not reconciled, and continued to ask: "You are a boy, you are going to get married in the future, do you have to let your wife do it in the future?" ”
The younger brother replied, of course, "Yes! ”
In real life, many parents think that boys are informal, and the big and small things in the family can not be done.
Therefore, the boy was naturally cared for, content to be taken care of, and accustomed to the convenience of opening his mouth to reach out.
However, one day he will grow up, will have his own family, and will need to take on the responsibilities of the family. He has never been independent, what should he take on?
Last year, Qu Enze, a 10-year-old "hardcore" boy in Henan, was on the hot search with strong independence.
After the outbreak of the epidemic, the father is a policeman, the mother is a nurse, the parents have to fight on the front line, and the boy can only stay at home by himself.
However, he took good care of himself.
A person buys vegetables, cooks, cleans; no one supervises, consciously takes online lessons, and writes homework.
Mom said that at first, she was not at ease, but after two days of observation, the boy took good care of himself.
Boys can show such strong independence at a young age, which must be inseparable from the intentional guidance and training of their parents.
Only when he is willing to use his child and teach him more life skills can he take care of himself with ease when his parents are not there.
Montessori said:
"If parents want their children to grow into an independent person, they must first make their children physically independent before they can move towards psychological independence."
Sooner or later, children will leave our side and face the test of life alone.
Parents learn to let go of their hands and cultivate their children's ability to survive independently, so that he can have the confidence to cope with life and the future.
Because a child who can manage his own life will have the ability to manage his life well.
Only by suffering setbacks will we be stronger
"By the time you see these words, I've jumped off the building and I really can't stand it."
In Xinyu, Jiangxi, an 11-year-old boy wrote in a suicide note left before falling from the building.
The boy who led to the end of the road was that he failed to complete his winter vacation homework.
According to the boy's father, before the holiday began, the teacher urged everyone to complete their homework and said that students who did not finish school could not register.
Previously, boys also had the situation of not being able to finish their homework, often crying while writing.
At the time of the incident, more than half of the boy's winter vacation homework had not been completed.
I can't finish my homework, and I have been reminded by the teacher repeatedly, and I really have to bear a lot of psychological pressure.
However, this decisive choice is also heart-wrenching.
Studies have shown that boys are affected by hormones, act more impulsively, and are more likely to lack emotional management skills when agitated.
Therefore, boys need to experience setbacks even more, because only by suffering from setbacks and having the ability to recover will they not collapse and be overwhelmed by blows.
In the movie "The King of Soul Singers", the little boy Charles is blinded by glaucoma.
There is a scene in the movie where Charles is tripped from a chair and falls to the ground, surrounded by fear, and he subconsciously begins to cry:
"Mom, help me, I need you!"
Mom hesitated for a moment, but chose to stay where she was.
She watched Charles go from crying, to slowly getting up to wipe away her tears. Even, when Charles reached for the charcoal fire with his hand, she did not make a sound to stop him in order to make him feel the hot touch...
In his mother's fierce heart, Charles finally learned to perceive the world with his ears.
He learned to "read" musical scores in Braille, he mastered the playing of multiple instruments, and with his tenacious faith, he began to burst into musical talent.
He is the American soul musician Ray Charles, who has been hailed as one of the "100 Greatest Artists" in the world.
As a parent, no one can watch their child get hurt or suffer and remain indifferent.
However, constantly experiencing setbacks and failures is the norm of life. Only by constantly falling and getting up can children temper a strong soul.
As Mother Charles said: You must stand up on your own feet.
Because children who can stand up on their own will never be knocked down by difficulties.
Only by suffering from self-discipline can we be better
How good can a self-disciplined child be?
Recently, the 8-year-old boy Didi made many netizens exclaim amazingly.
In the second grade, he got up at 6:30 every day, washed up, and began to read aloud, and only after reading did he start eating breakfast.
At present, the boy's morning reading has been insisted on for more than 400 days!
Didi's mother said that the child could not stick to it at the beginning, so she supervised every day and read with the child.
Over time, habits become natural, the more the child shouts more and more energetically, the more he reads, the more he wants to read.
Haruki Murakami said, "When self-discipline becomes an instinctive habit, you will enjoy its happiness." ”
When a child has self-discipline, he has an inner drive, which will carry him to resist temptation and enjoy the achievements and joys brought by persistence.
Last year, Huawei announced the list of "genius teenagers", and Zuo Pengfei, who had just left school, got the highest grade, with an annual salary of 2.01 million yuan, and only 4 people in the world got it.
Asked about the feelings of genius, Zuo Pengfei said: "Where is the genius?" I spend all the time other people play games in the lab. ”
In a simple sentence, the secret behind the "genius" is full self-discipline.
Flipping through his daily watch, it seems monotonous to boring.
I got up at 8 a.m., entered the lab within half an hour, and soaked in the experiment all day except for lunchtime. 5 years almost every day.
He is unusually strict with his time management and ensures that everything is done on time and without delay.
It is this top self-discipline that allows him to reach a height that he has not foreseen step by step.
Dr. Michael Gurion, an expert in gender education, has pointed out that boys are affected by dopamine in the blood and are more likely to be bored with their studies.
That said, boys may be more likely to heat up for three minutes and sit still.
Therefore, when their self-control is insufficient, they need parents to be more careful, observe in time, soothe emotions, and guide and restrain them.
Only when the child has suffered from self-discipline and told him to learn to persevere, can the child take root and become more and more excellent.
Teacher Nan Huaijin said: "The purpose of education is to let children learn to stand up on their own endowments. ”
Boys in particular need this.
Raising a boy requires him to experience the suffering of life.
In the suffering of learning, he will have insight into the wider world;
In the suffering of life, he will learn to be independent and responsible;
In the pain of failure and perseverance, he will learn self-discipline and be strong.
In this way, the boy can stand up and become a man who stands tall in the sky.
In the near future, he has the ability to make his family and loved ones happy.
In the future society, he can make his own contribution.
This is the expectation that every parent with a boy should have.
Give it a thumbs up and hope that our boy will grow into a man who stands tall in the future.