Before opening today's article, I would like to ask all men a question: Do you regret marrying your current wife? Is there a moment when you hate your partner so much, or even hate her?
If the answer were yes, how would you deal with such intimacy?
Is it to find a way to find the crux of the marriage problem, express your emotional demands with your wife, and resolve the contradictions in the intimate relationship through communication? Or do you choose to escape, fantasizing about finding an outlet outside of marriage?
Many people actually do not deal with intimate relationships, and feel that feelings are immutable.
Once someone or something has changed, it proves that the relationship has broken, so choose to turn a blind eye or let it go and not repair it.
The result of laissez-faire is that the rift in the intimate relationship is allowed to grow until it cannot be repaired, and the warmth is not felt within the marriage, so it tries to find warmth outside the marriage.
I thought that if I changed someone, all the problems in the intimate relationship would be solved.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="8" > a 46-year-old man who wept in the street after meeting his ex-wife</h1>
Zhao Jun, 46, made such a stupid mistake.
Three years ago, Zhao Jun was 43 years old and married his ex-wife for 20 years.
In the past 20 years, there have been 10 years of Zhao Jun's ex-wife and he started a business together, two people started from scratch, Zhao Jun was responsible for business, and his ex-wife was responsible for company finance and other chores.
Even if she was pregnant and gave birth to a child, Zhao Jun's ex-wife insisted until the last moment before giving up her work.
Later, the career slowly improved, Zhao Junben and his ex-wife planned to expand the business, but their mother suddenly fell seriously ill and suddenly became bedridden.
The old lady did not like to get along with the living people, and was very disgusted by the fact that she asked the nurse to go home to take care of her, helpless, and Zhao Jun's ex-wife had to quit the company and concentrate on taking care of her mother-in-law and children at home.
She was only thirty-three years old at the time, and it was the rising stage of her career. In order to let Zhao Jun fight for his career without worries, a thin woman, taking care of her mother-in-law who is paralyzed in bed and unable to take care of herself at all, taking out to tutor children's homework and doing housework, can be imagined.
At that time, Zhao Jun was extremely touched and swore in front of his mother that he would not fail her in this life.
Two years later, her mother died, and Zhao Jun's ex-wife wanted to return to the workplace and continue to work with Zhao Jun, but Zhao Jun said that the two years she had taken care of her mother were too hard and should be blessed at home.
Anyway, he earned enough money to spend, even if she didn't do anything at home, she wouldn't starve them both.
The woman credulously believed the man's promise, taught her husband at home, and gave birth to a second child at the age of 37.
Probably since giving birth to the second child, the relationship between Zhao Jun and his ex-wife has slowly changed.
At that time, the ex-wife was alone with two children, although the eldest said that life can take care of himself, but everything always depends on the mother, the second is inseparable from people, the ex-wife is often busy with the back of the head, and there is much neglect of Zhao Jun.
Zhao Jun discussed with his ex-wife whether to hire a nanny, but his ex-wife felt that it was not easy for Zhao Jun to make money alone, and she could do more if she could do it herself.
After all, the two children are slowly growing up, and the money spent in the future will only increase.
Zhao Jun came home from work every day and saw his disheveled ex-wife and suddenly got tired.
Slowly, Zhao Jun no longer returned home from work on time, and always had all kinds of excuses, either overtime or business trips, in fact, just to avoid his ex-wife.
His ex-wife sensed his change and tried to talk to him, but he was blocked by all kinds of excuses.
Until Zhao Jun met his current wife, she dressed fashionably, gentler than his ex-wife, as if she had not yet spoken, she knew what she was thinking.
Zhao Jun is immersed in such a gentle township, feeling that he and the current are true love, and that his ex-wife is at most a wrong union.
They have endless words, endless hearts, she knows what she likes and loves to eat, and they don't see each other for a day like three autumns.
The ex-wife found that Zhao Jun had changed his heart and took the initiative to propose a divorce, and the property was divided equally.
After a few months, Zhao Jun married the current one and couldn't wait to pursue his happy life.
However, in the second year of marriage, Zhao Jun regretted it, the current and ex-husband had a child, the woman married him with the child, and in the second year after marriage, she gave birth to a new child, and the life after marriage was also a chicken feather.
Every time Zhao Jun gives child support, he always has to make trouble with him, and when it is his turn to spend money, he is always extravagant.
That day, Zhao Jun went out to relax after arguing with the current one, and unconsciously walked to the place where he had lived, and the street was still that street. I saw a man coming from a distance, and when I got closer, I found that it was my ex-wife.
The ex-wife has changed a lot, her face looks much better than before, she is dressed up very neatly, the two greeted each other for a while, and after the ex-wife left, Zhao Jun cried bitterly on the street: "If you give me another chance, I will never go with her." ”
Unfortunately, where in this world is there regret medicine, after crying to dry his tears, Zhao Jun still needs to go back to face his own chicken feathers.
Regarding soul mates, it seems to be a matter of the previous life.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="38" > a big scam in life, that is, to find a soul mate</h1>
What is a soul mate?
It is you who have endless words together, even if you talk all day;
It is you who do not see each other every day as if every three autumns, and fantasize about being able to get along twenty-four hours a day;
It is you who know each other's preferences well, and have guessed each other's thoughts before you have opened your mouth;
It is you who feel that meeting each other is like meeting another self in the world, and even regret why you did not meet earlier;
It was the person who met and everyone else was eclipsed.
But aren't these feelings when you and your wife are in love?
At that time, you were beautiful and simple, loved passionately and madly, and before this life was finished, you had already predetermined the next life.
Who hasn't been the perfect lover?
But to live, to live a life of rice, oil and salt, who can always maintain perfection?
Soul mates are the most illusory.
When you meet and hate each other late, it is like meeting a soul mate.
You have spent more than ten or twenty years together, seen each other's worst state, and then soul mate, will eventually be a dream.
For ordinary people, what is important in marriage is not the soul mate, but whether the person can live a solid life with you.
Whether you can walk through the ditches and bumps of life, whether you will always have the courage to face impermanence, even if the days are difficult, do not let go of each other's hands.
Those who can support each other and hurt each other are the real soul mates.
And those who make you feel suddenly understood are just a big scam in life, an excuse you use to avoid marriage problems.
Everyone hopes to meet a soul mate, but few people understand that those couples who seem to be soul mates must also go through a period of running-in, accept each other's imperfections, understand each other's changes and invariances, and achieve spiritual communication.
As Mr. Yang Dai said: "Where there is any soul mate, it is just seeking common ground while reserving differences." ”
The love between Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu has envied many mortals, but no matter how beautiful the love, if you want to spend a long time, you can't help but quarrel in small pieces.
It's just that people who understand know how to deal with these differences and find ways to protect love.
Instead of believing that there is a soul mate outside, it is better to cultivate a tacit understanding between husband and wife.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="61" > when ideal love meets chai rice oil salt</h1>
When the ideal love meets chai rice oil and salt, what you need is to change yourself and adjust the way you get along, not to change your partner or change your partner.
Qian Zhongshu said in "The Siege": No matter who you marry, after marriage, you will always find that you are not married to the original person, but another one.
People are changing, and if you want to keep love lasting, you must learn to cope with such changes.
Psychologists have shown that a mature and long-lasting relationship is roughly divided into four stages: coexistence, anti-dependence, independence, and symbiosis.
When in a period of coexistence, there is a strong attraction to each other;
In the period of anti-dependence, each other will try to find freedom in the intimate relationship;
In the period of independence, each other will try their own mode of getting along, when the partners will often erupt into quarrels, or cold war;
When in the symbiotic period, it means that two people have gone through a run-in period and found a suitable mode of getting along with each other.
Ideal love, where there is a period of coexistence and anti-dependence, whether the husband is bored with his wife, or the wife is tired of her husband, in fact, it is looking for a suitable mode of getting along.
If you want to peacefully pass through the first four stages and enter the symbiotic period with each other, you must have the courage to accept and change.
Accept the difference between love and marriage, accept the changes in marriage; change your expectations of marriage and your partner, understand the changes in marriage, and balance the relationship between the two.
Marriage has its resilience, and even if there is a temporary problem, you can try to repair and change it, rather than rushing to change people.
Substitution is an escape, and repair is to face reality.
The real intimate relationship is not the wind and snow, but the chai rice oil and salt, when you adapt to the chai rice oil and salt, taste the wonders of human fireworks, you can really understand the marriage.
When a marriage goes wrong, instead of pursuing a soul mate, fix the intimacy, you'll gain more.
Today's Topic:
Do you think there are "soul mates" in the world?
Hanama says emotion: Pay attention to me, in the hustle and bustle of the world, use words to soothe you