Rain Lane
The rainy season in Jiangnan is soft and long, and the lilac-like girl, under the oil-paper umbrella, the back shadow is so beautiful, but unfortunately in the rain curtain there is only loneliness and sorrow, and there is also a trace of resentment.
A "Rain Lane" wrote about the resentment of Jiangnan women, and also made Dai Wangshu a well-known "Rain Lane Poet" from then on.
Unfortunately, just as the feelings revealed in the poem, the heart fire of grief has also been burned to Dai Wangshu's real life, especially his three relationships, each of which is not perfect.
The poet's own sensitivity and resentment, coupled with practices such as forcing himself and the other party to the corner of their feelings again and again.
Dai Wangshu
At the age of 22, Dai Wangshu fell madly in love with Shi Chenian, who was 5 years younger than himself.
Just as Pushkin dared to duel with his love enemy, Dai Wangshu's attitude towards feelings was also hot as fire.
Since falling in love with Shi Dai, he has been in front of her everywhere, but he has done so, but he has made a girl who is immature and unstable in her heart feel extremely afraid.
Dai Wangshu is the kind of self-type personality, especially with a coercive nature.
Relying on this unique self-temperament, he came to prominence in literature, not only became acquainted with Shi Jingcun and others, but also published poetry works, and also founded literary clubs and literary journals.
Dai Wangshu's poems
From the perspective of self-measurement, Dai Wangshu feels that his career is starting up little by little, so he has reason to believe that he is worthy of Shi Chenian.
Unfortunately, the girl did not think so.
Even though Shi Jicun, with unrequited feelings, incarnated the girl into poetry, the girl herself did not call on all this.
She has her own ideas, and she has her own understanding and cognition of feelings. Dai Wangshu's self-inflicted emotional contribution was like a chain on Shi Chennian's neck.
Seeing that Shi Chennian still did not agree, Dai Wangshu, in despair, began to coerce.
On that day, he frantically ran to the top of a building in Shanghai, and under the watchful eyes of everyone, Dai Wangshu was determined to end his inner struggle and pain by committing suicide.
Dai Wangshu handwriting
Shi Chenian was frightened, and in the face of Dai Wangshu's bitter compulsion, she temporarily agreed to Dai Wangshu's request to trick him into coming down.
Dai Wangshu did not expect the coercion to succeed, but before she was happy, the girl coldly put forward an unquestionable request: If you want me to marry you, you can, but you must go to study abroad.
The poet was as happy as a child and agreed to the girl's request.
So around 1930, Dai Wangshu went to France to study. Watching this emotional madman board a ship to another country, Shi Chennian was relieved in his heart. It turned out that all this was just Shi Chennian's strategy to slow down the army.
She didn't like Dai Wangshu at all, and she didn't have any feelings for the literary career he was engaged in. What's more, she already had a heart to belong, if it weren't for Dai Wangshu's horizontal insertion, she wouldn't have caused such an incident out of thin air.
Now, by coaxing this crazy person away, Shi Chenian can start his own real life.
All this Was deceived by Dai Wangshu, who studied hard in France and translated a large number of foreign literary works in order to fulfill his promise to Shi Chenian - to learn a real skill, and to return to China in the future to have a job of settling down.
In 1935, Dai Wangshu set off to return home with excitement and longing, and the girl he imagined warmly greeted him did not appear.
What awaited him was the news that Shi Chennian had become famous and had a master, despair and pain filled Dai Wangshu's heart, and the previous suicide had failed to make Shi Chenian change his mind, then there was no way to keep him in this world.
The unrequited love that followed for several years ended hastily, and Dai Wangshu did not commit suicide again at this time. Can he really calm down when dealing with feelings? Not necessarily.
Dai Wangshu has suffered from asthma since childhood, and after knowing Western medicine, he often injected ephedrine himself to relieve his symptoms.
Shi Chennian's disappearance did not make Dai Wangshu overly depressed, and soon he married Mu Lijuan, the sister of the writer Mu Shiying.
This marriage came too suddenly, hiding Dai Wangshu's escape from Shi Chennian. Unfortunately, Mu Lijuan did not know all this, and she fell in love with this talent who was more than ten years older than herself.
Coupled with her brother Mu Shiying, who is also engaged in literature himself, Mu Lijuan has a natural affinity for Dai Wangshu in her heart.
Dai Wangshu and Mu Lijuan
This closeness evolved into a strong sense of love, which made her resolutely and resolutely entrust this life to the poet.
In the summer of 1936, the two men held a grand wedding ceremony in Shanghai.
However, there is no rationality in this kind of thing, Mu Lijuan is by his side, and he also loves himself, but dai Wangshu will still think of Shi Chenian, this kind of emotional torture, so that Dai Wangshu does not dare to really face Mu Lijuan.
Even after his daughter was born, Dai Wangshu still couldn't control his true feelings.
Dai Wangshu, who had no solution, had to choose to escape.
Four years later, bad news came from the chaotic Shanghai Beach, Mu Lijuan's brother Mu Shiying was shot and killed, and Dai Wangshu somehow decided to hide the news from his wife for some reason.
Dai Wangshu and his daughter
The disaster was not alone, just when Mu Shiying was suddenly attacked, Dai Wangshu's mother-in-law was also killed. Both things, Dai Wangshu chose to hide from his wife.
Who expected that when Mu Lijuan attended a friend party, things were broken, and under the anger, her full of feelings for Dai Wangshu suddenly turned into smoke.
She took her young daughter back to her home, and the sudden change overwhelmed Dai Wangshu, who frequently wrote letters to Mu Lijuan, but unfortunately did not get any reply.
In despair, Dai Wangshu thought of forcing himself to die.
He wrote a suicide note to Mu Lijuan and then chose to commit suicide. Because he usually injected himself with ephedrine, the suicide was locally used, but because he did not know the dose, Dai Wangshu did not leave this world in the end.
What made him feel even more painful was that Mu Lijuan was actually indifferent to her suicide note. It seems that the second wife may know about Dai Wangshu's "suicide feat" a few years ago, so she does not think so.
In this way, Dai Wangshu's relationship with Mu Lijuan actually died, but it was not until 3 years later that Dai Wangshu and Mu Lijuan officially divorced.
The emotional twists and turns made Dai Wangshu miserable. At this time, things have become extremely bad, and the Japanese army has occupied half of the country.
Homeless and countryless, Dai Wangshu drifted to Hong Kong to settle down.
At the age of 38, Dai Wangshu served in the Hong Kong "Ta Kung Pao", at this time, he was in a foreign country, and his emotional distress could be imagined.
Dai Wangshu's residence in Hong Kong at that time
At this time, 22-year-old Yang Jing broke into Dai Wangshu's life.
Yang Jing likes literature, or at a glance at Dai Wangshu, who is older than herself, her heart rises with the feelings that women want to rely on.
Therefore, Yang Jing launched an emotional offensive against Dai Wangshu, and this feeling came crisply and neatly, dai Wangshu's heart accepted Yang Jing, and the two soon got married.
The poet's feelings are sensitive, or somewhat incompatible with the worldly life, which means that the misfortunes and twists and turns of the previous two marriages still appear in this marriage.
More importantly, after Dai Wangshu ended a relationship, he did not really summarize the lessons, and his attitude towards feelings was still so self-contained, and in the end, he could only repeat the tragedy of feelings again and again.
Dai Wangshu and his third wife, Yang Jing, and his daughter
In addition, Yang Jing fell in love with the poet with the passion of her youth, and once she matures with age, her inner world and the way she looks at her feelings will change.
This means that the worldly life will be pervasive and eventually the ideal feelings of two people will be hollowed out.
After the two began their lives, they often quarreled over trivial matters in life, which made Dai Wangshu difficult to overcome.
Although life is full of twists and turns, the poet also has to live, and more importantly, the two people already have a daughter.
No matter what kind of psychology, Dai Wangshu has more or less learned to give in — he is at least responsible for his future life.
Therefore, in the third relationship, it is Yang Jing who actively chooses to quit.
After 6 years, Yang Jing took the initiative to choose to divorce Dai Wangshu because of empathy.
Feelings are like huge waves, and Dai Wangshu is like duckweed in them, one moment being thrown to the heights, the next being pushed into the bottom of the wave. While making others feel suffocated, life also made Dai Wangshu feel deeply suffocated.
At this time, Dai Wangshu, who was in a foreign land, was emotionally unhappy, and he hoped to return to his home in the north as soon as possible.
With the founding of New China, Dai Wangshu returned to China and was mainly engaged in compilation work. At this time, he is single, and his search for feelings is not as hot as when he was young.
Dai Wangshu Cursive "Rain Lane"
However, fate has to make a joke with him - in the past, it was suicide that did not die, but now it is a sudden death from drug overdose.
Due to asthma, Dai Wangshu did not stop using ephedrine in these years, and on an ordinary spring day in 1950, Dai Wangshu injected ephedrine as usual, but he did not want to commit suicide, but this time he overdose and soon passed out of coma.
A generation of poets died in their prime, and fate is really impermanent.
For Dai Wangshu, feelings seem to be the whole of his life, but the self-type personality has made him fall into the pit of mistakes again and again since the first relationship.
Tomb of Dai Wangshu
This is not the life that the poet wants, but it is the poet's own self-choice again and again.
The poet's sensitivity wears away all his feelings little by little.
This may be something that Dai Wangshu never thought of, but just like his poetry of resentment, this temperament of resentment that is detached from the world will itself make many girls retreat.
However, Dai Wangshu is this kind of self-type personality, and this extreme temperament that is different from ordinary people has been repeatedly expressed in marriage.
In the end, feelings devoured him, and feelings repeatedly destroyed the life he had managed so hard to manage.