Hold the pen as a sword, write the sky and write the Chinese year; Chess is a child, and the point of the pawn will be the point of the country.
01
After an 18-year-old boy committed suicide by jumping off a building, his father seemed to be stuck in a quagmire of paranoia and couldn't extricate himself, desperate to have another boy.
Recently, the media Sohu News Extreme Day Studio has completely spread out this outright absurd tragedy in front of everyone's eyes, and people have found that the degree of depression in this family is far beyond the limit of normal people's imagination, which is suffocating.
Four family members, a pair of parents, a pair of children, each family member has their own perspective and feelings about this family, as if there is an invisible net silently hanging over this family, silently pushing each family member into the abyss of pain.
Even if an outsider looks down on the whole tragedy from God's perspective, both children and parents can get different reflections from it.
Pull the timeline back to the beginning of this tragedy.
In December 2021, Yi Jingbo, an 18-year-old boy, committed suicide by jumping off the rooftop of his home, and in his last life, he made a phone call to his ex-girlfriend, sister and mother, and then put his mobile phone and headphones on the air conditioner, stepped forward, and walked towards a decisive decision.
In the last phone call with his sister, he stood on the rooftop on the 9th floor and told his sister, "I am standing where you were standing, and I want to take the step you didn't take for you." ”
Hearing this, my sister was struck by lightning, and she was abroad, while persuading her brother not to be stupid to prolong the call, she frantically contacted her family to go to the rescue, but the miracle did not appear, although she and her brother chatted for more than two hours, the tragedy still appeared.
Affected by force majeure factors, eight months after the death of her younger brother, her sister returned to China, and it was difficult for her to come out of the shadow of her brother's death.
Her parents didn't talk to her about why her brother had come to a decisive position and what he had been through, "Nobody cared about our trauma, and even if it had such serious consequences, they didn't ask me why it happened." ”
Sister Yi Ting only felt that her parents' behavior was absurd to the extreme, "How can it be like raising livestock, raising another one when one dies?" ”
Perhaps God did not want the tragedy to happen again, and several IVF operations by the parents ended in failure, but the father still did not give up, and instead pinned his hopes on illegal surrogacy, obsessed.
In March 2024, after her sister Yi Ting learned that her parents were trying illegal surrogacy again, she directly chose to call the police and decided to disclose the matter to the media, on the grounds that she was unwilling to let a new life come to the family and repeat the tragedy and pain of her and her brother.
She said that she and her brother suffered from depression since childhood because of a failed homeschooling and suffocating family atmosphere, and she was fortunate to escape from the family, while her brother, who had just entered college, remained forever at the age of 18.
She hopes to stop the crazy childbearing thoughts of her paranoid parents, and also hopes to commemorate her younger brother, so that more parents can awaken and reflect, so that more depressed teenagers can redeem themselves and not repeat the tragedy of their younger brother.
02
When her sister Yi Ting stood on the rooftop on the 9th floor of her home, she was only 16 years old.
The contradictions between her mother and grandfather, the contradictions between her uncle and her grandfather, the divorced parents, and the almost non-stop quarrels at home made her feel particularly tired and tired at the age of 16, and she was already on the verge of collapse.
The parents were self-made businessmen from the countryside, the family moved to the city to settle down, the material conditions have improved, but the spiritual conditions are extremely scarce, the mother has always subjected the siblings to verbal violence and oppressive education, and the father is always used to avoid conflicts in the face of conflict.
"Thinking of my own worthlessness, thinking of my mother scolding me for being a livestock when I was persuaded to fight, thinking of being locked out of the dark door by my grandfather, my father's silence, so desperate, I am like a transparent person, I will only waste the family's money......"
But thinking of her eight-year-old brother, the only person in the family who depended on her for her life, Yi Ting could only force herself to disperse all her bad thoughts and bury her disappointment and hatred for her parents in the deepest part of her heart.
It can be said that it was the younger brother who pulled her back from the brink of death.
Later, Yi Ting, who went to college, was diagnosed with depression and took a leave of absence from school at home, her parents did not give her due care or reflection, but locked her at home and continued to be busy with business, this indifference and neglect made Yi Ting more painful and hateful.
After having a certain degree of independence, she also tried to change her parents and change this suffocating family atmosphere, but to no avail, in order to redeem herself, she could only choose to escape, flee outside the province and even abroad, and escape to a place where her parents could not find it.
It's just that her younger brother is not as "lucky" as her, and after she left home, there was no one to help her brother share the depression and pain of the family.
In the eyes of friends and outsiders, his younger brother Jingbo is delicate, likes to joke, belongs to the "central air conditioning" style of warm men, and has never shown a gloomy and depressing side to anyone, but in fact, he has had many abnormal behaviors before he goes to the end.
He once tried a hunger strike, but fainted from hunger at school, was sent to the infirmary by his classmates, and also ate a whole bottle of melatonin, but it was only a health supplement, not enough to kill, and even he had self-inflicted wounds on his body.
Why?
Because he grew up in a suffocating family atmosphere, he experienced the same pain and despair as his sister Yi Ting, and even worse, the family has been quarrelling, and he has communicated with his parents countless times, but it has no effect, until he is completely disappointed in his parents and family.
What pushed him to the abyss was the parents who were wrong and didn't know it and refused to change, and the parents allowed the disease in their hearts to spread, leaving the two children innocently to bear all the costs and bitterness, until the tragedy was irreparable, and they still didn't know how to reflect and not know how to change.
03
Are the parents who are complained and hated by the sisters and brothers really insensitive and heinous?
Not really.
The father would always shed tears unconsciously whenever he mentioned his son Jingbo, completely unable to accept his son's death, and always blamed himself in interviews, painfully because he missed the opportunity to save his son more than once, and repeatedly thought about the reason for his son's suicide, and came to the conclusion:
He and his wife always quarrel frequently, giving the children a lot of pressure, and the oppressive family environment hurts the two children deeply, and it is also the root cause of the son's accident.
The fortune teller told him that he had two sons in his life.
The idea of having another boy grew crazy in his heart, despite the strong opposition of his daughter Yi Ting, he still insisted on going his own way, constantly urging his wife to do IVF, and after failure, he did not hesitate to touch the bottom line of the law and set his sights on illegal surrogacy.
The reason is that he wants to prove himself again, to prove that he is at least a father who has changed, "The family atmosphere will definitely not be the same as before, even if he quarrels with his wife, he will avoid children." ”
And his wife, the mother of Yi Ting's sisters and brothers, actually didn't decide whether to have another child, but her husband once told her: "If you don't let me have another child, I'll commit suicide." ”
She has lost her son, she is afraid of losing her husband again, she dare not refuse, she can only delay, and now she is caught between her husband and daughter, afraid of hurting her daughter, and afraid of what her husband will do.
Jing Bo's departure should have made the family shy away from similar words, for fear of touching the grief of every family member, but unexpectedly, it became the most effective means for a husband to threaten his wife, which can be described as extremely ironic.
But it can only be said that as a wife, she is not wronged at all, and her paranoia and obsession are worthy of everything she has experienced.
Until now, she doesn't believe or understand that her son would choose to commit suicide, let alone recognize or accept what her daughter Yi Ting said that she had caused a lot of harm to her sister and brother, and she also firmly believes that the girl who broke up with her son Jingbo is the culprit.
She said that she didn't know how to communicate with her two children, so she simply focused on her business, made more money, provided her children with a good life, let them go to the best school, and if the children felt that it was not good to work outside, they could return home.
"Rather than circling around her children at home, she prefers to get together with her friends to play cards and mahjong, and she has nothing to say to them at home, which makes her feel bored."
In Jing Bo's last phone call to her, she advised Jing Bo, "Don't be stupid, tell your mother if you have something, hurry down, your parents love you very much." Jing Bo didn't respond, only said, "I don't blame you, go call an ambulance." ”
After the phone was hung up, she ran upstairs in a panic, trying to drag Jing Bo down, but after going up a few stairs, she heard a "bang", and she knew that there was no help.
The seed of tragedy planted by her own hands seems to be taking revenge on her with all her hatred and despair in the most decisive and cruel way, but she never expected that she didn't know what she was wrong with and what was wrong with her education method.
04
Looking at this tragedy, it is not difficult to find that behind every irritable mother, there must be a silent father, and the oppressive family atmosphere inadvertently caused by the two is the deep inducement that pushes the two children into the abyss.
After Jingbo's accident, the father realizes his mistake and reflects, but instead of improving his relationship with his wife and making up for his daughter, he wants to have another boy at any cost to prove that he can be a good father.
To be honest, I don't think that if he is given another chance, he can really change, a person's personality is often accompanied by a lifetime, and it is still difficult to change himself, let alone involve the change of both him and his wife.
It is not so much that he is sad and unacceptable to Jing Bo's death, but that after Jing Bo left, he saw that other people's family members were prosperous and happy, which exacerbated the grief of losing a middle-aged child, and also strengthened his desire to have another child.
He talked about his mistakes and reflections, but in fact, the only change he could think of was "the couple quarreled and avoided the child", if a new life was really born in this family again, there is a high probability that the child will still be forced to the brink of collapse.
The saddest thing is that the mother, even if her son is gone, she has never realized that there is any problem with her education and behavior, "love" is an extremely foreign word to her, and she actually loves herself more than her family and children.
She thinks she has created good living conditions for her children, but in fact, she has always been frugal and only gives Jingbo 1,000 yuan a month for college living, which is basically only enough for three meals a day on the campus in Shanghai.
Some people are not worthy of being parents, but they don't know how to be parents at all, for them, choosing not to have children is actually the greatest kindness, but this simple truth, they didn't understand it before, Jingbo didn't understand it after the accident, and they still won't understand it in the future.
No family's family is perfect, but in a normal family, at least one of the parents will be willing to stand up and protect the child, give the child unconditional love and care, so as to avoid the child falling into the disappointment of no one to turn to and feel love.
If you don't know how to be a parent, how to educate your child, how to love your child, then the easiest way is to encourage your child more, recognize him more, praise him, understand him, support him, and give your child the greatest amount of high-frequency positive energy.
Instead of making the family full of internal friction and a depressive atmosphere, children are constantly sucked by negative energy and become more and more negative and pessimistic.
If you can't even do that, then IMHO, not giving birth is also a kind of kindness.